Should I tell my mom and my brother about this?

Question

When I was 4 years old my stepfather molested me and did it for several years, I've learn to live with it and I have learn that it wasn't my fault. I am over it now. But my mom doesn't know about it and neither does my brother. BTW my brother is his biological son. We haven't kept in contact with him for a long time since he abandoned my mother for another woman and didn't care about my brother, but now that we are adults my ex-stepfather contacted my brother and they are in touch through email , my brother goes to visit him, etc. I feel really mad about it but I don't know what to do. Should I tell my mom about it?, should I tell my brother about it?. I am just afraid of ruining this for my brother but it makes me so mad that he gets to have my brother like nothing happened. Please, advice...

I know that I want to tell my brother just to make my stepfather not have his way one more time, I am not looking for revenge but I don't want him to have my brother, it is like he is laughing at me and using me one more time. I know I am that selfish and I am not considering my brother's feelings, but I have also thought about my his future children. Because he plans on having children in a couple of years and I am so scared he might do something to them. I also fear his reaction... will my brother believe me?, if he doesn't will this ruin our relationship forever?, will he believe his father's word and not mine?...

I live in a third world country, my molester got away with it because he forced me to not say anything until it was too late and then when I contacted the police they told me it was too late and it was my word against a doctor's word. Yep, he is a doctor. They advice me to shut up or he could sue me for defamation.

Answer 1

TAKE THE BASTARD DOWN !!!!!!! I can see absolutely NO reason for you to have suffered the way you did and this f#cker to have his cake and eat it too. Do you realize he may have abused others after he left, once a paedophile always a paedophile. He does not deserve to get away unscathed, and although you say it doesn't bother you now.....my guess is there are still some emotional scars.....STAY STRONG!!!! but do what you feel you need to do. Good luck

Answer 2

It's really complicated, but I think some things are better kept hidden and the past is the past, but if you want to tell someone because you can't bottle it up anymore than that, just tell your brother to let him know what kind of a biological ex-stepfather he had. Or still have, if he's still the same.

You better keep these stuff away from your mother, boys can handle this more than mothers , specially if they're not young :)

Answer 3

Mam there is no easy way to go through with this. It would probably be best if you talked to your mother and got this out, because you don't this just going to keep eating you on the inside, it is up to you whether or not to do this, but I would reccomend that you do. If your mother as I assume truely loves she can help you with this. Now your brother it would probably be best to discuss this with him away from his father and try to talk about it with your mother and him present at the same time. This case is not uncommon. Some children go through this and forget about it for years or until they reach adulthood and then something in them just clicks back to those moments. But if anything tell someone and that is the first step toward anything. If you need further help I suggest you go to a couselor in your area and discuss this with them they can help, and you are worried about ruining your brother's relationship with his father well his father had a impact on your life and that is just something your brother will have to face along side you, or against you. This is sometimes complicated, but in the end something is going to happen whether you say anything or nothing.

Answer 4

wow, that's a touchy subject. First of all, what he did is illegal and he can be charged for it. However, it was a long time ago, therefore, it could be very hard to prove. As far as pressing charges, that's up to you and if you want to put yourself through that.

If you feel like you need to tell, I would go to your mother first. See what she says about it and decide together if your brother should know about it. How is you relationship with your mom and brother? Is this something that could not be taken serious if you tell them? Would they support you? I think you need to go with your gut feelings on this.

Also, you may think you are over it, but human have a tendency to bury feeling from the past. And they can come up and haunt us at any time in the future. Be careful of that. You may want to think about talking to a counselor about this before going to your family. There may be things that have been affected by this that you may not realize. But a counselor could help you deal with them.

I do not have a good relationship with my father (because he is an alcoholic), but my brothers still do. I like you am not his biologically, but my brothers are. It's hard for me to see that type of relationship with them. They are following my father's path to alcoholism and it brakes my heart.

I wish you the best of luck with what ever you decide to do. But one thing I would suggest is pray. Even if you do not practice any type of religion. Prayer will help you sort out the feelings of your heart!!

Answer 5

Hey hun, don't feel bad about possibly messing this up for your brother. I understand that you do feel bad, but it wasnt your fault, like you said, and it won't be your fault if this relationship between son/father is ruined. Your stepfather is lying by not fessing up to it! You had to deal with this for many years, and you should be able to tell your family anything! I don't think your brother would be upset that this would ruin a relationship with this jerk of a man, I think your brother would be upset to know that you didn't tell him! Tell them both...

Answer 6

I think that you know what is right for you. But what I would do, would be to tell my mom. I wouldnt tell my brother, unless I felt comfortable. I know if something like that happened to me, I probably would tell someone, just because people like that, who are child molesters, should be put in jail. Okay just think of it this way. If you were married and had a little girl, and your husband molested her. Wouldnt you want to know!!! I sure would!!! Good Luck and Im sorry to hear that.

Answer 7

No matter what you have gotten over this need to be told to your mother, don't keep this particular matter a secret, your mother should have been known what your stepfather did. Why should you let your mother be with a child molester, someone that really didnt care about you and your mother. Tell her ASAP even though she may be disappointed but you didn't let her know earlier. I understand you probably was scared at that time what he may have done to you if you told it. But for your sake and your family let your mother know please.

Answer 8

If you're still mad about it, then you're not over it and haven't moved on completely, although I'm sure you're working on it. I don't know your mother or brother to know how this information would effect them. I guess what your motivation is would be your answer. If it's to improve a situation, then you should do what you need to do. But then you also need to realize that your brother may have a daughter some day...

Answer 9

Well depneds if you want to dig up the old wounds you have. However, If it was up to me yes.
I would let my mother and his son also know. They may not like ti hear it, but you have a right to settle this in your mind.
There is really no excuse for a person like this being protected by you keeping it to yourself. You are the only one suffering inside not him. If you dont do it for anyother reason do it for yourself .
It's time to clear it up and have some happiness in your life.
Youcant keep this to yourself andhave closure at the same time.
If the borther also does not like it too darn bad. Maybe he needs to know what his father is doing . Perhaps he needs to what if the father is still doing it? Go for it gal and Best wishes

Answer 10

It is important to look at several things when approaching this type of information...are you doing this to ruin the relationship between your ex-step father and his son or for his protection. If you are truly over it then you being mad that he is in contact with his son shouldn't matter. However, if there will be children that may be in danger, then by all means...confront the issue. I think it would be better to contact him direct and let him know that you were damaged by it.