The truth - does spanking help or harm??

Question

You have a son(Alex) age 5 and a daughter(Lilly) age 2.Imagine Alex has hit Lilly.What would you do?Spank him?Is this the best you can do?
When you hit the child,he thinks like this:
1."Older can hit younger.When I am older,I'll hit the others"(which is not very good for your grandchildren,right?).
2."People beat the others when they are angry.When I get angry,I'll hit the others."(I start tomorrow in kindergarten).
3."I'm a bad child and I'll never be better and people will never like me."(do you want your son to grow up thinking like this?)
4."I have to be more careful so mom/dad won't see me what am I doing"(I'll be good while I'm looked after).
Did you see "I won't hit my sister anymore"?Of course not!If the child had to be taught not to hit,that is rediculous way to teach him.What do you want to do when someone hurts you?How do you react when someone tries to control you?How do you feel when someone disappoints you?Do you think this approach will make you behave better?

Answer 1

Eliza N -
THANK YOU!
Yes...you are absolutely right!
A sane voice in the world of Y!A.
Hitting teaches hitting and aggression.
Spanking devalues the child as a person.
If you want to receive respect, you must give respect.
In no other relationship in our lives would smacking someone be considered appropriate.

Answer 2

First, there is a difference in spanking your child in a legal and disciplinary way and physically abusing your child.

I used to be 100% againist spanking, but I am not so sure now.

Answers to you "individual questions":

1. If you choice to spank, you need to explain we you - as an adult and parent or grandparent - give spankings, and why the child isn't allowed to hit. Psychologically speaking, spanking can be used as a sort of classical conditioning tool. But, any disciplinary action can be used the same way; just make sure that what ever means you use is consistently used!

2. Again, there is a difference between beating a child and spanking. I also believe that if you are prone to anger and rage, you should not spank your child when you are so angry that you feel like beating them. You should tell the child that they need to think about what they din, and take 5 minutes - or how ever long it takes - for yourself to cool down, and then approach the child. While I said that I wasn't 100% spanking, I think that if you have a history of being violent towards others when you are angry, you shouldn't hit a child. An adults strength is much stronger towards a child than another adult, simply because of their size.

3. You always need to communicate why you are spanking. These feelings can also come from children that were never spanked. The biggest issue here is self-esteem. It is critical for parents, family and caregivers to give children positive reassuracne and encouragement - it molds how they view themselves.

4. I think that no matter how you discipline your children, kids are going to have thoughts like this - its normal. You just have to make sure that you are observant of your childrens actions and are able to distinguish when they are up to something.

Answer 3

I think you are comparing what a child thiks to how an adult thinks and you can't do that. Something you did'nt mention?-Mom only slaps me when I've done something really bad, so I guess hitting my sister is really bad and I won't do it again. I'm glad for you if you have the type of children who will behave after lecture or whatever, but nott all kids are like that. I have one child (out of three) who does not respond to verbal punishments in the least. The only way to reach him is by some kind of physical punishment. That does not mean that I'm constantly hitting him, nor does it mean he is abused in any way, nor does it mean that spanking is the only form of physical punishment. Making a child stand in o corner or sit in a chair for a time out is also physical punishment. Firstly, a slap is not the same thing as a punch and it is not a beating. Secondly, using a method of discipline the child will respond to is much more preferable to not having any discipline at all. There are far too many people refusing to discipline their children and look where the world is.As far as option 3 above it could have read I did a bad thing and I shouldn't do it again. You don't say you were a bad boy, you tell them exactly what they did wrong and why they can't do it again. Your question asked whether slapping is helpfful or harmful. I think it can be helpful, I don't believe it is harmful, and I think you were just looking for a place to preach anyway. Disipline your own children and quit sticking your nose into how other people discipline their kids. If people disciplined their children more often we wouldn't have half the crime we have today.
Just one more thought. SLAPPING IS NOT HITTING, AND IT IS NOT BEATING. and those of you who think they are the same really need to learn to speak english and use a dictionary. And when you do slap a child, you are not "hitting in anger" You are using a method of discipline that works for your child.

Answer 4

Hi.....please excuse the typos, spell check was down.

Just another opinion......There is a HUGE diferrence between administering physical punishment and child abuse. I am 52 years old, raised 2 fine daughters, and would use spanking as a re-enforcement teqnique, just one of many other that should be in every parent's 'tool-box'. I always found the key to it was to remember this: NEVER SPANK A CHILD IN ANGER! if the situation requires a spanking, the child must know EXACTLY what the spanking is for. The physical sensation of pain goes far in leaving a lasting directive to the child that this behavior is unacceptable, and If I do not want to feel this again, I sould refrain from the behavior. Does'nt always work, but it is a valuable proven tool in the never ending task of raising children. I have observed that words are of very little help untill the child can reason things out intellectually, making physical punushment unnessary. But as a society, the 'anything goes' and the notion that we must let our children 'be themselves' ( which is really a parental cop-out, they don't KNOW who they are yet, that's why we raise them! They can't raise themselves, at least not very well without guidance and wisdom). I believe the old saying, "spare the rod, spoil the child" is an absolute truth, and society has chosen to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" in dismissing spanking as a valuable tool of instruction. But, do it right, or don't do it at all applies here. Thanks for the soapbox!

Answer 5

All that spanking does is create a child with little discipline who thinks it is ok to hit someone when deemed "neccessary".

Plenty of research has been done on the negative effects of spanking. There is a great book on the subject entitled "Beating the Devil Out of Them", Murray A. Straus, and she states the following;

"Most parents use corporal punishment to stop a child from misbehaving and to make him or her well-behaved. While that may be their intention, the evidence in this book indicates that spanking and other legal forms of corporal punishment are more likely to block that goal."

The book further details Studies with both animals and children show physical punishment is actually less effective than positive reinforcement and other forms of discipline in correcting and changing behavior. In fact, research shows that over time, children who are spanked may increase their bad behavior.

In some children, spanking does little to develop a sense of conscience, but instead fosters the idea that they only need to be good if someone will find out. Fear of getting caught doing the wrong thing is very different from learning to behave because it's the right thing to do.

Researchers have also found that children who are spanked show higher rates of aggression and delinquency in childhood than those who were not spanked. As adults, they are more prone to depression, feelings of alienation, use of violence toward a spouse, and lower economic and professional achievement. None of this is what we want for our children.

So I think it's pretty clear what the answer is here.

Spanking is harmful to your child not only at the time but more importantly later in life. This can be seen with children of all ages and sexes and even in animals (thats what proved it 100% for me).

For more reasons and references including a few interactive polls visit the following - http://life.familyeducation.com/parenting/spanking/45304.html and then see how you feel.

Answer 6

Spanking is a short cut to discipline. It's effective to stopping the behavior, but punishment isn't the best way to shape behavior or character.

My mom hasn't spanked me since I was a little girl, and I'm a grown woman now. Still, sometimes I wonder, if she gets angry enough, will she hit me? We have a pretty good relationship right now, but there is still that wedge of doubt in my mind.

I'll never hit my kids, for discipline or anything else, and I'll never use anger to intimidate or manipulate them either. There are better ways, and I'm going to use all the time it takes to do it right.

Answer 7

The Bible says spare the rod spoil the child! God intended for our children to be spanked when they ere, NOT beat but spanked. To help them grow into good human beings. Everyone wonders what is going on with the teens these days... it is because they weren't spanked when they did something wrong, and what is going on now is the end result!

Answer 8

If Alex hit Lily (nice names by the way) several times--over ten times. I would spank him. The reasons you listed don't make sense to me. Just because people spank doesn't mean they don't parent. It doesn't mean they are bad people. Okay if I were in this situation--I would have already spoken to Alex about this continuously--put him in time out, took away toys, and/or other privileges. He would already know this kind of behavior is unacceptable. No, he would not think older can hit younger. Children don't think of parents as someone older--they pretty much think of parents as God when they are that little. Most parents don't beat their children. Most parents don't hit their children out of anger--so they wouldn't think number two either. Kids aren't that complex to think people won't like them at that age--either way--as a parent I would tell him:

"Hitting is a bad thing to do out of anger--how do you like it? It isn't fun is it? Lily probably doesn't like it either--and she didn't do anything wrong. Everyone makes mistakes but you were hurting her and to hurt someone else isn't a good thing. Please, apologize to your sister--then come back in here and give me a hug."

He would understand the fact--it's not fun getting spanked. It's not fun being in trouble. It's not okay to hit his sister. As for mom and dad not seeing me...it's like my mother always told me "Moms know everything." It scared the living crap out of me until I moved out of the house--it still scares the living crap out of me. Anyway--this is my opinion take it as you want to. I’m not saying beat your child. I am not saying spank your child. I am saying this is how I would do it. How would you? The End.

Answer 9

I agree totally. Spanking your child is teaching them that hitting is okay if someone does something you don't want them to do. There are lots of alternatives that children respond to.

Answer 10

well it truly depends... for a situation like the one you described heck no! but i was spanked one time when i was 5 and believe me, the rest of my life i was as good as gold, my father and i have a great relationship... i repsect both of my parents and never talked back to them, i think you need to use descretion there are only a few instances when spanking i believe might be beneficial... for a situation like the one you described though is definitly not a reason to spank your child... if they told you to "*&%^ off" that would be a good reason to spank your child

Answer 11

I don't know about harm but it sure don't help, every child response different some kids don't care if they get hit like me when I was a kid and some kids respond better to yelling or being punished.