How do you refer to a child of unknown gender? As a he or as a she?

Question

Hi if your wondering why Im not in school I am. Im in the library supposedly doing research but instead using the wireless internet to ask questions on my laptop (lol) Anyway I was with my mom and younger brother recently doing some shopping for Fall cloths when we ran into one of the teachers in my school with a child that probably was her daughter or son. After small talk that involved not referring to the child that was with her, she wanted to know where the sale racks were for leftover Summer clothing. My mom avoided the problem by asking me to take them to the sale racks. The boy's cloths on sale were in one area of the store and the girl's cloths in another area of the store. I looked at the child closely to try to determine its gender and decided it was a boy from the way it was dressed but settled on referring to it as a girl. He was a boy and became agitated that I referred to him as a girl. I apologized but there was embarrsement all around.

Answer 1

There really was no reason for you to apologize. If your teacher never indicated the sex of the child, you were not at fault for not knowing. Since you said you're in school, I'll assume you're still a child yourself, hopefully, with no children of your own. Your teacher shouldn't be at all as sore at you as he should be at an adult in that situation.

Most people who know they have children who look to be of either gender, tend to dress their daughters in girly colors or decorate their hair with pretty bows/ribbons; while boys have more plain design and more dull colors so as not to get them confused for the opposite sex. For little girls who have short hair, I've seen parents have the child ears pierced to wear earrings. There are ways that people can make known to those they come across that they have a girl or a boy. If they don't go through the trouble to make the distinction, why should you be held responsible for your assumption?

Those times which you honestly can't tell.. ask the parent the child's name and make a comment on it afterwards- i.e. "that's such a pretty name" or "what does it mean" or "how original". By making a comment on the name, you're learning the sex and putting the parent (and yourself) at ease.

For a baby that has not yet come.. you can refer to the baby as a "he or she" to be politically correct. Or just refer to the baby as "the baby". An extra word won't make your conversation that much longer.

Answer 2

Never mind, it could happen to anyone. I have a male friend with very long hair and we were holidaying in Ireland. A very kind man greeted us in a hotel by asking, "And how can I help you, ladies?"
He did a double - take, said, "OH!! How can I help you both? Are you having a pleasant evening?" (It took all myself self-control not to grin let alone cry with laughter.)
He was being kind, helpful and charming. It sounds like you were too. You apologised and so acted with grace.
I'm not sure I could do the same.
The only suggestion I could think of is to have talked to the child yourself, maybe asking their name or telling by their voice what their gender could be. But it doesn't really matter - because you didn't and they didn't and even if you had it may it may have been the same!!!
I will say this though - Ask your mum not to do that again!

P.S. You did well.

Answer 3

If its a younger child and you feel ok with it, find a term of geeky endearment for this case.

IE Dude - ok nerdy I know BUT if there is someone dressed as a boy but is actually a girl they'd probably be ok with it since they most likely are a tomboy right?

or just don't refer to the kid. A simple come with me works -- you could have brought them to the right area, and then asked what color they like. Pink - probably a girl, blue - boy or tomboy

Answer 4

it happens a lot, not being sure if a kid is a boy or a girl. Especially now that girls wear a lot of similar clothes to boys. The easiest way is to ask their name, if its an easy name like elizabeth, then you got lucky, you know its a girl... but again with so many unisex names out there you could still not know. When you cant tell, embarrassed or not, you just gotta politely and discretely ask.

Answer 5

It is painfully obvious some people did not read your entire question before answering!

Anyway, asking the name was a good idea, maybe even asking "Are you looking for anything particular?" and that might give you another clue...or as you were walking ask what they are involved with at school.

Bad things is that all of these are just clues and you can still get it wrong.

Answer 6

If it ever happens again, just ask whether they want boys' or girls' clothing.
Why would you refer to the child as a girl if you had already decided he was a boy?
The simplest thing is just to ask. Less embarrassing in the long run.

Answer 7

people mistook me as a boy for 19 or 20 years.

don't worry.

i didn't like earrings and have always liked super short hair (and chestless - if i want to look like i have anything i wear padding).

if the mother had a problem with it , maybe she should have taken it as a hint to either get the child's ears pierced or get (it) a haircut.

Answer 8

Either ITor Ladyboy

Answer 9

It's like a Seinfeld episode this one... lol.
You can ask for the babys'name. But it's an honest mistake, people shouldn't be upset about stuff like this.

Answer 10

Use "they" to refer to the child or say "your baby" is so cute etc.
Your not alone in doing that .