Why do people give mixed signals to their children?

Question

In an effort to keep children safe, we were always told,
"Dont talk to strangers."
"Come straight home from school."

Then when kids are out with their parents, an adult walks up to speak to the 2 of them, and the child speaks.
The parent says its OK to answer.
This person is still a stranger because they havent been introduced, and so it must be OK to talk to strangers.

The child goes to school and a policeman comes to speak to the children. We tell children that they should consider a policeman their friend. Until that policeman has been introduced to the child by the parent, that policeman is still a stranger.

Children need clear information that does not vary.
They do not have the authority to make adult decisions.
It needs to be made very clear as to who they can and cannot speak to.
Perhaps parents should take the day off to meet all of their childs teacher and principal so that they can know who they are allowed to speak to.

Answer 1

I don't teach my children not to talk to strangers. They're not old enough to understand that some people are dangerous. However, when they're old enough to be on their own, I will tell them to follow their instincts and if something feels wrong it probably is. I tend to be quite overprotective but at the same time I don't want paranoid children. It's a fine line.

Answer 2

I fully agree with you about the stranger in the mall, but on the other hand, the child needs to know that when out with a parent or other adult the rules are different. This is not sending mixed signals. as far as the police officer goes, I always taught my kids that police officers, firefighters, bus drivers, crossing guards etc are all people they can turn to if they are alone and need help. I think you need to modify the things you tell your children depending on their age. For instance, most parents do not introduce the teachers to their children, but that does not mean a teacher should be considered a stranger. There is a fine line between paranoia and caution, and I don't think it's necessarily healthy to cross that line; and I think insisting that kids be introduced to their teachers and principal by the parent is definitely on the paranoid side. Yes, they need clear information, but they also need reassurance that not every person in the world is out to hurt them. They need to know they can depend on some people to help if they ever need it. Something to think about? What if you and your child were alone and you needed her/him to dial 911. The 911 operator is a stranger in the literal sense, but I knowmy child would have the sense to call anyway.

Answer 3

First off children need to grow up and you can't expect them not to speaks to strangers because then your teaching them fear and that is OK to a point but when you tell them not to trust others your going down a very hard path to keep in check a better way is to think positive and give them the ground work to be responsible when talking to a stranger such as not by ones self and never ever get into anybodies car unless you ask your parents first no matter what time of day or night it is. Never be afraid to ask the worst thing that is going to happen is your going to say yes or no.

Answer 4

Amen.

Its not black and white like most people think it is. A 5 year old child can be taught that you don't talk to strangers without your mom talking to them first, and the policement are never strangers. You can teach a young child how to tell if the person is there to help [ie anyone in a uniform working at a store if they are lost are ok].

There is a huge lack of street smarts and closeting our kids. 10 year olds used to be able to roam the streets until dark, and now we're giving them cell phones, no excuse to practice street skills and filling up so much of their time so they don't have time to play.

Kids know more then grownups give them credit for. If a young girl gets a bad feeling from a man, we just brush it off as a personality conflict. They have instincts too and should be taught as soon as they can run away from you the proper skills they need, and "how to trust their guts"

Answer 5

You are giving children too little credit.

Children understand, from the context of the meeting, that if the parent knows and speaks to the person, and tells the child that it is permissible to speak with taht person, then the person is now understood to not be a stranger.

Children also understand that there are groups of people, police as an example, that as a whole are not to be treated as strangers.

.

Answer 6

I have an 8 year old son. We have told him that it is perfectly fine to talk to strangers when one of his parents is with him, but that it is not OK if he is alone, or only with other children. I don't think that is being ambiguous. However, that being said, we are very protective, and he has not, as of yet, come in contact with a stranger without a parent being present.

Answer 7

To actually answer your question.
We as adults no longer think as a child would.
so although we make the rule don't talk to strangers
we as adult can do it safely,

And sometimes we have different concepts from our spouse.
I think ALL cops should be considered corrupt and suspect. My wife thinks all cops are highly moral
and almost perfect individuals, so when I try a teach our youngones to trust no-one not even cops
she gets upset....

Answer 8

Maybe we need to say instead never speak to strangers, but when it is okay to speak to a stranger, when I am there, in your class room, etc.... Role play to make sure they understand the difference. Teach caution, not fear.

Answer 9

I have always told my kids do not talk to strangers unless Mommy is there. It's not that hard to understand..it's a learning process.

Answer 10

Kinda like we take them trick or treating but tell them not to take candy from strangers???? Then we tell them the candy is okay at halloween but then we take it to be xrayed before we let them eat it? lol I think sometimes its because we are confused too! Learning as we go!