Help! Kids are driving me crazy! How can I get them to behave?

Question

I have 3 kids a 5 yr old girl in kindergarden, a 3 yr old girl and a boy turning 2. My 5 yr old is the leader of the pack & she is teaching the other two to misbehave. I'm a stay at home mom and I get a break when shes at kindergarden and the younger two go to Mothers Day Out 2x a week. Thats when I can get errands and more cleaning done. My husband works long hours mon - sat so its pretty much just me w/ the kids. My main problem is w/ my five yr old. It took her almost 2 hours to do a simple 1 page homework assignment. She doesn't wanna dress herself or wipe herself after using the potty. She tells me no when I ask her to do something. She won't clean up her toys. She wines and cries everytime she doesn't get her way. I don't wanna spank her, I think shes too old for that but it seems like screaming, yelling, spanking her are the only ways to get her to listen. This is not the kind of mom i wanna be. I cry everytime i do that. I feel like the worst mom in the world. What do i do?

Answer 1

Develop a routine. I know it is easier said than done, but young children thrive on them. also, set limits and follow thru with them. Screaming is not effective. I know, b/c my mom screamed at me my whole childhood, and I just learned to tune it out.

Answer 2

~I know this must be very difficult! I have one 3 year old and just about lose it sometimes. I have always reasoned with her from the time she was about 1 and now she really responds to this. This or that or this for that. I'm still potty training her and she's very hard headed and difficult about it so I've started taking a toy away when she doesn't tell me she has to go and then when she does go I praise her and tell her what a big girl she is and she can have her toy back. So consequences, a 5yr old will def. get the picture.

Also including her in something the others can't do like cooking would be good. She's the big girl so she gets do things the others don't and tell her what a fantastic job she does, even if you just let her stir something in a bowl or get things from the fridge. My 3yr old responds very well to this sort of thing.~

Answer 3

Sweetie, I've been where you are. I know how frustrateds you are, but believe it or not, you are doing everything right. Your 5 year old sounds just like my oldest who is also a girl and I had similar problem when her brothers were born. The reason she's refusing to dress herself, wipe herself, and do her homework is because when she doesn't do these things you probably do them for her right? When that happens, she not only get's your undivided attention, she feels like the baby again. Try to find enjoyable things about being the oldest that you can reward her with.eg. maybe she gets some one on one time to read a story with you after the other two are in bed, or maybe she can have extra dessert when she does things that big girls do. As far as the homework problem, I'd write her teacher a note explaining the situation.When my kids did this, the teacher would tell me to set an appropriate amount of time for it to be done, and if it wasn't done it went back to school incomplete. This way it gets the teacher involved and often that is enough to getthe child working. Plus, that's one less battle for you to fight. Try not to cry in front of the kids because this is just the kind of reaction they're looking for. Take away privledges, have her stand in a corner, send her to her room, have your husband talk to her. Try these things instead of getting loud or slapping. You'll feel better about yourself, and eventually when the kise discover they can't manipulate you into the desired response, they'll give up trying. Be firm though. If you send her to her room for 10 minutes, make sure she stays there 10 minutes eveb if you have to sit there with her. You are the parent and you have to make sure you are in control of the situation and not the other way around. As much as we want our kids to like us, we can't always be their best friends. There are going to be times when thay don't like you (and vice versa) but they'll always love you. Good luck and be strong.

Answer 4

Being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job in the world. You work long hours for no pay, and all you get for your trouble is disrespect.

You absolutley have to start giving consequences for bad behavior. You don't have to spank. Take something away from her (them). I have taken away computer game time, given additional chores, taken away dinner (this won't kill them), take away teleivsion time, etc. It has to be something important to your child in order to do any good. When you make a threat to take something away you have to mean it, and then follow through. It will be very hard for the first week or so, but once you start seeing results it will be easier for you.

It also sounds like your duaghter has a hard time focusing... ask yourself why. Do you have structured quiet time in your house. You can do it. Sit all of your kids down at the dinner table, put out a box of crayons and give them each a coloring book. Tell them this is "quiet time" and that you expect them to sit for 15 minutes and color a beautiful picture for you, daddy, or grandma & grandpa. Eventually, you will be able to lengthen the "quiet time".

Kids don't just behave, you have to teach them how to do it. You have taught your children that it is ok to back talk you, not do as they are told, and to be generally unruly. It is not too late to correct their behavior, but you will have to be diligent.

PLEASE take control of this situation. These children will become part of society some day. Wouldn't you rather that they were productive human beings instead of out-of-control brats? There are already enough of those types of kids in this world. I call them entitlists. They believe they are entitled to anything they want - because their parents have given in to their every wish/command.

Answer 5

Well include her in her choices...
Would you like to pick your toys up or do your homework first?
Make her feel big!
Can you show your lil'sis how to be a big helper and pick up the toys?
Offer rewards that are verbal not material...
What a great job you did on your homework, I love how you formed your A's and L's they look awesome. Great Job.
For whinny little girls n boys.
Pick a rest spot this is where they sit and think about their behavior. I would make it a spot in each room. Ignore the whinning. It will stop.
Make sure you are not holding the oldest responsible for the other children. Allow her to do things for her age group without the younger two.
Take a breather if you feel like flipping out.

Answer 6

I have this problem with my four year old. She and her sister the three year old are constantly doing a divide and conquer routine with me. The four year old is in Pre-K so I get a break my my youngest always behaves for me w/o her sister here so I think it is an attention thing. When I am able to spend a few minutes with both of them individually they both are more willing to listen and do what is asked. When I incorporate them into what it is I need to do be it washing dishes or doing laundry they are better behaved. It seems to me your five year old just wants some time just with mommy and is jealous that the younger ones are with you when she isn't. I suggest when you go and get her put a show on the tv for 30 minutes the younger ones like and take that 30 minutes to just be with her. I think her behavior will improve. This has helped with my four year old and the three year old is content to and better behaved when her sister is home.

Answer 7

I have a 3 year old who is a major handful. I have tried time out and everything in the middle. I have found that her acting out is her not haveing enough to keep her busy. I started letting her play games on the computer and other things she really enjoys more. Then when she acts up she knows I am going to take those things away from her. I really think that she is learning that if she acts right she does more. Yet acts up and she does not get to do anything but sit.

Answer 8

I love this question, I have two kids myself and at five my boy was a terror! I turned his agressive nature towards positive things. Such as homework - I'd make them apply it to their everyday world. That way they have a relationship with their work and their world. Such as in math make it apply to cooking for the evening or stacking legos in a geometric shape - things like that. Also, when they are just acting up and can't be reasoned - I would use that time as 'Opportunities for Improvement' or OFI's. It consists of things like running the perimeter of the house several times in under so many minutes, doing situps, doing pushups, writing me a 500 word essay with no more than 100 three letter words, I'd have them work math problems in a book and if they didn't finish in an alotted time they have to do more, I'd have them do 100 jumping jacks etc. After all that activity, usually they are tired - and want to eat or sleep.
I don't know if that may work for you, but OFI's like sweeping, cleaning, painting, helping fix stuff, was good to keep my kids involved with me and their world. Plus applying homework/schoolwork to their everyday lives gave them more appretiation of knowledge and application of it.
Good luck.

Answer 9

have you ever seen supernanny? its great, honestly.

if a child is naughty, give them a warning. if they continue their bad behaivour, put them on a naughty step/chair and leave them one minute for every year of their age. (eg 5 year old= 5 minutes.) then ignore them.

if they don't stay on the step/chair, don't say anything, just calmly place them back on it, and walk away. repeat as necessary until they do their time. come back, look at the child, calmly ask for an apology, and if given, follow with hugs and kisses.
they soon get the point. ignore attention seeking bad behaivour, reward good.

giving children gold stars or whatever for good behaivour, and telling them they can have a treat when they get to 10 stars can work well too.

Answer 10

If spanking works, then i would keep doing that until she is capable of behaving and acting in a rational manner. I was spanked until i was like 8 or 9 and i turned out just fine.

You know that you can't reason with a dog, so what makes you think you can reason with a human who is incapable of that kind of rationale? They have basic principles that they know- pain and pleasure. They need to associate certain behaviors with the correct princple.