Poor hygiene on the school bus?

Question

My 14 year old son spends almost two hours a day on the school bus. They have assigned seats and he is seated next to a 15 year old boy with very poor hygiene. My son doesn't want to bother the driver and ask to change seats because the bus is already crowded and she (the driver) has enough problems with rowdy kids. The boy is a foster child and I have thought about approaching the foster parents, but nobody wants to embarass this boy. I suggested we make up a care package with some body wash, deoderant, a nice binder and maybe a cool shirt. We can drop the package addessed to him anonomously at his home. Again I do not want to offend or hurt this child in anyway. What do you think?

Answer 1

I think it's great.. and ya know what? I think this boy already knows that he doesn't have the best hygiene. You can't be 15 years old, have poor hygiene and not know about it. I think what you want to do is wonderful. My 14 year old daughter had moved to a new school, and befriended a girl in her grade.. we found out that she wasn't given a lunch or money to bring to school, and like this boy, she didn't have the best hygiene.. For 3 years my daughter went to school with an extra lunch for this girl, and at Christmas, Easter and her birthday, we gave her presents much like you mentioned you wanted to do.. the girl was VERY appreciative, and didn't think it embarassing at all.. I know that with boys it might be different.. so if you do it discreetly and anonomously, he'll be appreciative without the embarassment.

I wish there were more people in the world like you.

Answer 2

Well I can understand why your son wouldn't want to sit next to him. I'm sorry but by 14 years old this child should be able to use soap and take care of himself. For 1.00 or less you can buy some soap, same with deodorant. If this is a foster child, shouldn't they be provided all the necessities? I mean isn't that why they are in Foster Care in the first place? I would go talk to the parent and the child. Perhaps he isn't aware of the problem, I mean it is possible, considering most people can't smell themselves, atleast thats what they say. I think the care package would be a nice gesture. I think your son could maybe talk to him and let him know. I'm sure the boy wouldn't feel offended having it come from someone he can relate too, as long as its not in a degrading way, like in front of other children at school. I think dropping it off anonomously is offensive. I think honesty is the best policy. If this is too hard for you, maybe you should call social services or talk to the school. I would think that the teachers would have addressed this boy. It is a shame.

Answer 3

Do not drop an anonymous package at his home. You will humiliate him. His foster parents must be aware of his hygiene problems. How could they not notice? Apparently, they don't care.

Invite the boy over to dinner and privately (one on one) after dinner have a conversation about his "changing body" and how when you get older, you need to start using deodorant and bathing more regularly. People don't notice their own BO. He probably doesn't know he has a problem.

Whether you think the talk would be less embarrassing coming from you or your husband is your call, but only one of you should talk to him. And, please do talk to him. We had a similar case at my high school, and no one told the girl - they just laughed behind her back and made fun of her. It was horrible when she finally figured it out. She was devastated. Don't let it happen that way for this boy, please.

He may be embarrassed at the time, but he will appreciate the talk. You can buy him some deodorant to take home because it's obviously not being supplied by his foster parents.

Are you sure that the boy is not being abused in other ways? Any person that would allow a child to go to school smelling badly, knowing that they are going to be ridiculed and teased because of it, should not have a child in their care. If the situation does not improve, please contact the foster parent agency. This boy deserves better.

Answer 4

Any which way you go about it could still offend the boy and his parents.
But at the same time, something needs to be said. He could be teased at school about it and get a complex too.
SOME kids (found in boys mostly) can't control their strong scent. With deoderant, soap, baby powder and cologne combined, nothing seems to stop the body odors from sneaking out. It's actually a medical condition.
So think about that as well. You never know if it's bad hygiene or something more serious.
Good luck.

Answer 5

I would speak with the school. Get the teacher involved. By all means contribute to a care package. If this as big a problem as it sounds, maybe he is in the wrong foster home.

Answer 6

ok this sounds like the problem that i had in a class room and this boy was 18 or 19. but we talked to our teacher that we were with him and he talked to his parents. i would say maybe try talking to the teacher he has if u can if ur son is in the same school and he knows what class he has. or maybe you talk to the bus driver or call the bus station(school bus one) i think the whole thing about the package would be kinda rude but yet very very nice of you. but from whatever way u do just dont make it sound like your son is going to get sick or something from this boy.

Answer 7

i think that your idea sounds good but mayb be a little offensive. i think if the items were offered in a way where they were presented as more of a gift it would seem a little less offensive. if u know the school the child attends maybe u could have a counselor speak with the child about their self image and hygiene and have them offer him the items to him. sometimes it's better to just face the problem instead of brushing it aside. thats just like if u were walking around with a hideous stain on ur butt and no one told u they just talked about u.

Answer 8

wow ... this is a sticky situation...well you could dropoff the care package, i think thats a good idea. since this kid is a foster kid, if the foster parents are not taking proper care of him, and making sure that he has good hygiene, then it could actually be considered abuse/neglect on their part. I'm a social work major, so i know a lot about that stuff. honestly, if you really wanted to get something done about it, you could call CPS. thats the only other suggestion i have for you, good luck!

Answer 9

Good idea - but bear in mind that poor hygiene often stems from low self-esteem. Does your son speak to this child? Maybe befriending him might be another way to go, then your son could tactfully broach the subject...

Answer 10

You can do all that..doesn't insure that fact he may NOT use the things..he may just be lazy...and approaching the foster parents may cause a ripple effect..kinda touchy subject!