I have been with my girl friend for 3 years now. In the beggining of the realtionship I was not the best to her and I had hit her and was a real d i c k. I haven't done this in over 2 years and things have been great since she has changed my life. Recently her mom was involved in an abusive relationship that led to police and stalking. It made my girl friend scared and now she says she can't be with me and take a chance of it ever happening again. I am not mad at her and I respect her descision however I want to be with her and I want her to know thats not the kind of person I am anymore. We are still best friends just not in a relationship right now. I want to know if there is anything I can do to help her with her fear and to let her know I will never do that again. I don't know about counseling and where to go and whether I should go alone or we could go together. I was thinking I could go first and then she could come later on or something like that. Please any help.
2006-09-13 04:20:15 · 9 answers · asked by jsnpasty 1 in Health ➔ Other - Health
What you are doing right now is great! I have been in an abusive relationship, and if you haven't done anything in two years, she should not be saying this now. I think she is caught up in the moment with all that has gone on with her mom ( maybe even trying to be in the spotlight a little, even if it's just with you). Counselling would be a great start. I would suggest going yourself and inviting her down the road. She probably only needs a bit of time. She'll see how serious you are and that combined with your clean two years, should show her she has no worries. If not, she needs counselling and going together and separately could do good. If she won't change her mind no matter what, she may have a hidden agenda.
2006-09-13 04:36:25 · answer #1 · answered by feathereafter 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a difficult dilemma. I know, firsthand, that people CAN change. But I also know what it's like to not trust someone that says they have changed. I'm not sure of your age, but I assume that you are in an adult type relationship?
If so, talk to her, if possible. If there is love involved on her part then counselling is definitely a first step. You will have to go a long way to show her that you DO love her and that you are willing AND able to squelch any violent feelings that you have.
You have to realize that not only does she fear for you, but deep down she fears for any children that you may have in the future. Abuse is not something that should be tolerated. I applaud you for being open about it, and doing something about it, also.
Please, if you get back with her, or with someone else in the future, remember you vow to change and break the circle of violence!
Here's to love and peace,
Good Luck!!!!!
2006-09-13 11:28:03 · answer #2 · answered by ModernMerlin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get yourself together first. Go see a anger management specialist and when you get it together you will be more appealing to her and other women. Figure out where your life is going and what you want to do with it. Focus on your education. Get other interests. When you are working on yourself you become more in control and self confident. If it's going to work out you both have to work at it. She has issues of her own but she will need to realize that and get help for herself. Better this happens now then later. Good Luck.
2006-09-13 11:32:23 · answer #3 · answered by purrfectsandcastle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should go on your own, because if you hit a woman, you have SERIOUS personal psychological anger and control issues that need work.
Work on yourself first, THEN go back and try to work with her. But frankly, I don't blame her if she wants to leave. If I were a woman and in a relationship where I was hit even once, I'd leave so fast it wasn't funny.
2006-09-13 11:22:53 · answer #4 · answered by banzai 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has been through so much, From the look of things.Give her a little more time to recover. In the mean time show her how changed you are.good luck.
2006-09-13 11:32:05 · answer #5 · answered by victor o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only way to help her to get over her fear of you is to leave her alone and to get some help so you can get on with you re life
2006-09-13 11:30:46 · answer #6 · answered by LEE F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry, but there's no way to prove you won't do it again after you lost her trust.
the only possiblity is a long amount of time and it probably isn't worth waiting around for (according to at least one of you).
2006-09-13 11:31:49 · answer #7 · answered by get_unlost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems to me as if you really like this girl, so if i was in your position i would go to a sychologist or counseling, but don't go with her go without her so she can see how much you wanna be better for her and later on ask her if she would wanna go with you...
2006-09-13 11:25:28 · answer #8 · answered by GotAnswers? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
erm. well hitting people is bad. u may need angermanagement just 2 reassure you friend that ur past is behid you . then tlk t her
2006-09-13 11:28:54 · answer #9 · answered by FinalFantasyGirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋