My dad has been recently diagnosed with STAGE 4 rectal cancer (Stage 4 means the original rectal cancer has spread to many other organs, and also to his bones). We will meet with an oncologist in a few days & will learn about what treatment/life expectancy, etc we can expect. My problem is that we have always been pretty close, despite the fact that he is a very difficult man to deal with. Now he seems in a rush every day to get whatever he can done. My problem is that I do have my own life, my own little family, and I did drop all and stay with him, going to every single medical appt. to take notes for almost 6 weeks already. Then I came home for a few days and now he is saying that he needs lots of help with various things, and implies that I should be there. PLEASE help me deal with this agressive type man whom I love to pieces. I want to be there for him as much as I can, but cannot ignore my own life, which even means no time to even pay bills, wash clothes...
2006-09-13 04:07:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Very sorry to hear of this difficult situation for all concerned. I do understand though , I have advanced emphysema myself , not end stage but near it though I may have a few years hopefully. Your father is probably in a panic and distressed situation and if that being the case try and keep in mind that its extremely difficult to think and act rationally with such news and his condition . That's much easier said than done and all you can do is your best to help and no one should expect more of you than that , and what that is remains up to you because only you know your personnal limitations and this is a tremendously rough situation putting it mildly. Reach out in every direction that you can for help with this . Call the american cancer society and speak with a counsler there and they may be able to provide some help to you . At least someone to lend an understanding ear could be of some help to you and in turn to your father. Contact all friends and family members and ask them if they will participate in the situation . I'm providing a link I would like you to have a look at , it is the american cancer society and there is a spot to find a local area link for you . There are support groups for people who find thereselves struggling with the difficulties that you and your father are dealing with , I urge you to give them a call even if just to let off some steam with someone in the know concerning these difficulties. When a person suffers pain and anguish such as your father it's awfully difficult for them to understand how much anguish all affected also endure. Do the best you can and thats my advice and reach out . Good luck , prayers to you and your family .
2006-09-13 04:58:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-07 05:58:40 · answer #2 · answered by sikorski 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this with both my parents. Be careful not to get burned out. Tell your Dad that you will be there for him but you also have responsibilities to your own family. Don't do or say anything you will regret in the future. You may not have long to be with your Dad. Make the most of the time you have left while still taking care of yourself. It's a struggle but it sounds like you are doing everything you can. I wish you the best.
2006-09-13 04:13:06 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I'm so sorry for you. We just went through that.
My Dad didn't have cancer; he had lung problems. My daughter and I were staying with him when he started getting sick, so I ditched my plans to get my own place.
I don't have any super wise advice or tricks to get you by.
What I can tell you is this is like nothing you've ever dealt with before, and unique situations call for unique solutions.
First, keep in mind he's freaking out. I'm a cancer survivor, and that bit of info totally disrupts your mind. Also, sick people are cranky, and their crankiness is directly proportionate to how bad they feel. Do your best not to take it personal and overlook a lot.
As for yourself, keep in mind that you can't do evrything.
He probably doesn't want to be alone, so transport. Take him home with you, take stuff like your laundry, bills, etc and do them at his house. Get used to sleep deprivation and catch naps when you can; closing your eyes for 15 does wonders. Eat right. Look for a minute alone. Hide at the library for a minute when you can. Sneak a good cry when possible. And constantly remind yourself that this is not forever.
E-mail me if you feel like feel like you need encouragement or moral support.
2006-09-13 04:28:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im so sorry to hear that your dad is ill.... I know what you are going through....
Ask your husband to pitch in... or maybe a friend if you're not married..
I lost my father 13 years ago to Lung cancer that was improperly diagnosed and I tried to be there, but he wouldnt let me.... I have regretted it every single day for the last 13 years... I never even had an opportunity to say my last goodbye... I had just returned back to work the very night he died!!!!!!
I know its hard, but if your dad is asking for your help, be there for him.... We arent guaranteed a tomorrow!!!!
2006-09-13 04:27:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, of course he is scared because he doesn't know the outcome of things yet. is there a way he could come live with you and you could be with him and your family?
2006-09-13 04:14:14 · answer #6 · answered by Texas T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DROP IT AND DO IT ! how can you even ask that question you do not even know how much longer he will be with you !
2006-09-13 04:20:52 · answer #7 · answered by Melimel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋