Am I a bad father?

Question

s a bit of a boy and a bit of a bad egg, violent and aggressive not in a phsycotic way but since leaving school where i was a skinny lad I filled out became more confident and when confronted by people who were bullies in school, not just to me but who bullied others who had nothing to do with me on occasions I would give them a slap so to speak, for a while i helped other sort out issues thet had with bullies or people who stole from them never anything bad but my attitude was i could take on the world and always seemed to beat it, it all changed when my first son came along but as he gets older that attitude is creeping back into the way I teach him things It feels wrong but I dont want him being timid and shy like I was and almost going on the road to ruin when he grows up. I want him to be confident in himself but not arrogant and nasty like i became, what are peoples thoughts, how should i tackle this issue i have with myself?

Answer 1

the first part of solving any issue is being able to see that you have an issue. When you are aware of it you become more sensitive to it and can adjust your thought processes accordingly.

Answer 2

A bad father would not recognise that he may be doing the worng thing and admit it so good on you. A good idea for both of you would be to join a martial arts class together, maybe just going once or twice a week. Here are five really good reasons for this.

1- This will keep you both active, which is really important in the current society of XBox and Play Station
2- You get to spend Father/Son quality time that is just for you and it will give you something in common to talk about.
3- It will give your son confidence and control. The best thing that you learn at these classes is discipline and respect. He will know how to handle himself in any situation, but will also be taught that violence is always a final option.
4- It will give you the chance to learn the same thing and give you an outlet for your aggression.
5- A child is more likely to carry on a hobby if they go with one or both of their parents.

To find your local clubs go on to your Local Council website and click on Actvities in your community or do a search on the internet. Have Fun!

Answer 3

I can feel you. I can see so much of myself in my son. Then again I can also see HIM. I was a shy and timid girl in grade school and even middle school. I learned in high school how to stand up for myself and even earned a little respect from my peers. In my son though I see none of that timidness. He can walk up to anyone and become instant buds with them. He's not shy at all, and I love it. He doesn't take any BS from other people as well, and I love that. He won't get mean with them he just simply tells them whats what. I don't know how it happened, maybe just something he was born with, maybe even something he learned from my new attitude towards life. I'm honest and to the point with new people I meet. I'll instantly like anyone until given a reason not too. I don't try to teach him these things he just picked it up. I believe in standing back and watching my son fly, so to speak. I'm proud of the way he handles things. When I'm not happy with the way he deals with something I ask him his reasons and we go from there.

Stand back and let yours learn through his own mistakes as well. You learned from yours as a boy and I'd hope especially as a young man. Let him know your thoughts and experiences, but let him do his own thing. They have an uncanny way of surprising us.

As to being a bad father, the fact that you care so much about this issue shows the contrary.

Answer 4

Any Further Acts of Aggression or Physical retribution will instill this as a Normal course of Action
(as far as your son is concerned).

I believe that NO Man can be a bad Father, we all have emotional baggage and personal Issues that can reflect upon our Children and their up-bringing.

Having A Happy Family or Close Friends around You can Help, especially if they are open for you to discuss these issues.

If you feel that this type of help is not for You-then conider Professional Counselling!
Time alone to reflect and contemplate ones Thoughts and feelings is extremely helpful-Do you have a hobby that you Love( Hiking, Mountain biking , surfing, Painting)

I find a Note Book to record things that make you happy, sad, aggresive-This is a Wonderful Medium for recording Personal intimate Thoughts.
Helpful when looking back at situations and helps you Make a Stratedgy for future events or times when you are Tested .
Hope this Helps.

Answer 5

I doubt very much if you are a bad Father as you are obviously concerned and care about the effect your actions and behaviour have on your son. You sound caring, loving and want to learn.
To be confident and have high self-esteem praise your son every opportunity you have and tell him frequently how much you like and love him, cuddle him. To stop him being arrogant and a bully talk to him about different situations and behaviours. Ask for his opinion on ways to handle everyday conflict and problems. Try to get him to see both points of view in a discussion and talk about the likely consequences to him and others of any particcular course of action. I dont know how old your son is but all these things can be done from a very early age just use simple language relevant to his understanding. Remember we all make mistakes we all get it wrong but bringing up our children is one of lifes greatest gifts and pleasures. Enjoy Ram.
Valery

Answer 6

you have answered the question by your self, you know why you are doing it, what you are doing it for, and you also know you should not be aggressive in the way you teach your son... all your are after is reassurance that you son won't go through what you did and won't have to learn the way you did.... look at the end of the day you love your son and wants what is best for him.... i know this sound's strange but if you say to your self " i will come across hard as nail's" over and over again you will be able to catch your self when going of on one, try it.... by the way there ain't nothing like a hug to give a kid all the support in the world.... good luck

Answer 7

I still think you shouldn't sleep with his grandmother--that would REALLY mess him up. And maybe this is part of your problems with your wife (from the other question you asked). Maybe counseling would be good for you--both alone and together. You should come up with parenting goals together and agree on how you want you son to be raised. But your son does need to establish his own identity so don't push too hard either way. Good luck!

Answer 8

Your son would turn into the bullies that you hated, insead of teaching him to fight and put up a defence try teaching him how to handle situations through talking and all kids fight so if it ends up that way then so be it, but i would hate to think my son is the kid that is making another one miserable and not wanting to go to school when it should be the best days for them

Answer 9

i understand that it can be hard raising a child, in a fantasy world we all get on and love each other but in reality it is different and we need to prepare our children for survival.
i am a mother of 3 boys, i teach my boys that they should give everyone a chance and shouldn't go looking for trouble but if they need to stand up for themselves they must without physical violence unless someone does hit them then they must hit that person back hard enough so they don't get up and the fight will be over and respect will have been earned.

Answer 10

What you are saying is right....as a parent you dont want your kids to suffer like you did, but you cant make them what they are not.
I always try and encourage my little girl to stand up for herself with other kids and not be bullied or picked on (this is what my dad did to me, he was a very hard man)
You have to be careful tho that your lad doesnt start to beat kids up to get your approval, as long as you tell kids that they must stand up for themselves when they need to i think your on the right track.

Answer 11

You're going to have to "show" him in YOUR dealings with others that it's not okay to fight others UNLESS his peers become overly aggressive. He will pick up his "KEYS" on how to respect others from your reactions - so you will have to be very careful. And a few words of approval or disapproval on how he handles his own daily situations can go a LONG way to helping you weather this "storm".