I have been with my boyfriend a few years and we have a mortgage together. We are very happy and things just keep getting better and better. We have lots of exciting plans for the future, but he has told me he never wants to get married or have children. Now I'm feeling a bit insecure and confused as I definitely want to get married and thought it would be to him. HELP, what do I do? Does he not want to get married because I am not the right girl for him?
2006-09-13 03:51:04 · 9 answers · asked by Oldfruit 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
For some guys the thought of marriage can be a bit scary and they don't want to think about it. Some couples these days stay together but they are not married and that's fine. You could approach the idea from a different view and talk about the rights you both would have if you were a married couple.
If that doesn't work talk to him about what you want, say it doesn't have to be now but in the future i would like to be your wife, for us to be a family to be as one....maybe he will see it from your point of view.
2006-09-13 04:02:31 · answer #1 · answered by Spacysam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mortgage thing shows a big commitment.
Marriage doesn't have to be the end result in a perfect relationship. You 2 can still live out your lives in perfect bliss and unmarried.
He has already committed to you.
In the back of EVERYONES mind is the fact that it MAY not work out, not that anyone is hoping for that, but it is just a fact of life.
If he gets married and it doesn't not work out, some people do not the the stigma of a failed marriage, (divorce).
And that may all it may be.
You know his mind, I think he will stay so if you can handle the no marriage thing , then stay.
2006-09-13 11:21:29 · answer #2 · answered by Bob A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you both fairly young? He may well change his mind but on the other hand he may be perfectly serious about both marriage and children. If you want children and he doesn't, that is bound to lead to conflict between you once that becomes more of an urgent issue. I have been married twice and now I'm very happy with my current boyfriend. We haven't decided if we will ever want to marry, and certainly it doesn't seem like much of an issue to me now.
I think you may need to consider what is important to you in relation to marriage. What you have now sounds like a marriage to me, so maybe all you are thinking about is the wedding ceremony. I completely understand why you would want a wedding but really it is so much froth, isn't it? UItimately though, if marriage itself is that important to you, then you need to address this with him, and if he is adamant that he meant what he said, or if he seems to "give in but reluctantly" so that his heart is not in it, then maybe your relationship really doesn't have much future. Certainly if you want children and he doesn't really, PLEASE don't think that just having them will change his mind, because it really is the most awful thing to be five years old and know that one or both of your parents doesn't love you.
2006-09-13 11:00:30 · answer #3 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say if he doesn't want the same things out of life as you do then he's not the one. What plans do you have with him for the future? If it's not starting a family. Men today don't want to make commitments. I don't know why but I think he wants to keep his options open. I myself was with someone for 8 years only to find out he didn't want what I wanted. So we went our separate ways. Good luck!
2006-09-13 11:02:04 · answer #4 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know i can't understand why he wouldn't do all those things with you if ou have a house together. Maybe he doesn't want that right now, he could possibly change his mind in the future.
If he doesn't you need to think whether he really is the one foryou. If your both still young then don't worry as you will have plenty of time for that.
2006-09-13 10:55:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the problem is that you both have separate ideas on your life plans. If he wont give u kids u will resent him and if u make him have kids he will resent u...like wise with marriage. i think ur happy now but as for the future....?? i dont think its u cos he wouldnt have bought a house with u... i just think he doesnt want marriage or kids.
2006-09-13 10:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont belive its because your not the right girl for him because as you said ye,re very happy together. it might be just saying that at the moment , if i were you i would sit down with him and talk this through. he needs to relise that u want to get married and prehaps have children one day. gud look!!
2006-09-13 10:58:30 · answer #7 · answered by bunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im the same with my girlfriend.. We have a beautifull house together and she starting to talk about those things.. I just switch off..
2006-09-13 10:54:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in societies eyes, marriage is no longer the sacred bond it once was, if he looks into your eyes and tells you he loves you that should be enough, and no amount of paper can change that.
2006-09-13 10:54:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋