I am currently in a four month relationship with a girl that I love with all of my heart. She is the best thing that has happened to me and I honestly believe that. She's always nice and sweet to me and just everything is so great. The only thing is I told one lie to her and I can't get over it. I let this girl give me a handjob or whatever before we were going out and before I had even met her. We had talked on the phone but I didn't think much and I was nervous because I had never met her. It was the first time I had ever had a girl mess with me or whatever. I told her that she just grabbed it or whatever but it was a little more than that. I am still and virgin but I can't get over not telling the whole truth. I don't want things to change between us because of this or anything that's why I'm afraid to tell. ( it's in the past and it was before we met but I dunno I think about it everyday and I regret lieing but I'm scared to tell the truth) I worry about it a lot. Please Help
2006-09-13 03:43:23 · 18 answers · asked by John 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I don't want her to get upset or think about me cheating on her because I would never do that. It is really killing me inside and it happened nearly 6 months ago. I know I wouldn't cheat on her but If I tell her then she will think about it a lot. I don't think she'd break up with me but I just can't get over this and it happened so long ago. It sucks because I remember calling her that night after it happened. I wish I would have met her earlier... It would have never happened if I had known how wonderful she was because when we met I really fell in love with her. I just don't know what to do. Will time heal this? I'm sick of it in my mind every single day for half a year? What should I do? I need help.... Can anyone relate to this?
2006-09-13 03:45:51 · update #1
Do you think if I do tell her if I will ever forget all about this and it won't affect us? I don't want her to think she can't trust me and I also don't want her to try to get back at me which I don't think she would but ya know? I'm a wreck.... I Love This Girl With All My Heart!!!!
2006-09-13 03:56:14 · update #2
I was her first everything even kiss. I have asked god for forgiveness and everything. I should have just told her the whole truth instead of lieing to cover it up. I didn't want her to think I liked it so I just said it was just a grab and that I told the girl to stop.. I feel like crap and even though I've asked the lord for forgiveness I'm not really feeling better. It may not sound like a big deal to you guys but to me it is. It's like I wish I could have waited another month and It would have been all good. I remember calling her that night after it happened we still and I felt bad then, and we won't going out but I knew she liked me and we were kinda talking I just didn't like her that much because I hadn't met her. Guess I was just shy. I had seen pics though. I don't know I'm like all depressed over something that happened a long time ago and it's killing me inside it really is.... I hope you guys don't think I'm weird or anything....
2006-09-13 04:00:40 · update #3
I really don't want her to worry, or get to upset.... how do you think she will react? Is it better if I tell her? How should I tell her, please answer, I'm dying inside.... I feel so horrible.... I don't know what to do....
2006-09-15 03:45:20 · update #4
If you are truly in love with her, tell her the truth. It may come as something of a shock to her if you told her otherwise, but if it's in the past she is likely to understand.
The fact is that if you are not honest about it, you will doom yourself in this relationship. I can see that it's eating you alive, and I can tell you that it will not get any easier. You really do want things to change between you; you want to have an open and honest relationship (for which I applaud you). Your relationship is going to change. At the very least, you are going to have a deeper relationship than before. Not all change is bad.
Talk to her. Sit down with her in a private place, and tell her that you want to set something straight. Let her know that it was bothering you, and then tell her the straight-out truth. If she is anywhere near as attached to you as you are to her, she will recognize that it is in the past and not have a problem with it. This may not happen immediately, but if she's upset give her some time.
I know you're afraid. I understand; talking about this sort of thing, especially in this sort of situation, is not an easy thing to do. In my experiences, however, being honest about the situation saves everyone a lot of pain. After all, many major relationship problems wouldn't be a major problem at all if you just talk about it when you first realize it. My girlfriend was amazed that I was as upset about things as I was.
2006-09-13 04:36:46 · answer #1 · answered by Janar_45th 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know, everyone goes around saying "just tell the truth," and I wonder if anyone ever really wants to HEAR the truth in matters like this? My own take on it is that you are young, and so what? But your young lady may in fact be so embarrassed by the fact that you found it necessary to tell her, that she can't respond like that. Also, if she does, you may think she is also more experienced than you thought and not like that. So even if she did think it was no big deal, she would be reluctant to say so. A smart girl would look slightly startled and say, "Why did you tell me this?" And throw the whole thing back on you. You'd deserve that.
Don't tell her any details about your life before you met her. Just concentrate on the fact that privacy in that regard is a good thing if it is not covering up potential health problems. There's no point in going over what happened before you met. It's what happened AFTER you met that is relevant.
2006-09-15 11:03:52 · answer #2 · answered by auntb93again 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really have no obligation to discuss your sexual history with this new girlfriend, unless you are going to have sex and there's a possibility you could have acquired a sexually transmitted disease from a previous partner. (It would be very difficult to get an STD from a hand job). Even married people don't tell everything about their past to their spouses. Your girlfriend already knows more than enough about the incident. You have every right to protect your own privacy, even if you have to tell a harmless lie. You don't need to give her any more details about this event. Nobody would ever get a new girl or boyfriend if they had to tell that person every bit of private or embarrassing information about oneself!
I don't know why you feel so guilty about this. Are you very religious and feel that every sexual experience has to be scrutinized indefinitely? If you are religious, I'm sure you have asked forgiveness from God, so you can now put this incident in your past. If you continue to obsess about this, maybe you should consult a mental health professional.
2006-09-13 11:07:27 · answer #3 · answered by Marcella S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You hadn't met properly and were in no sort of commitment, just forget about it and concentrate on your relationship you have, telling her will put pressure on things just enjoy your time with her, when it comes to it if you are that inexperienced she will not know. Chances are she may have done thing before you met properly and if she told you it would hurt you, some thing are better left unsaid and forgotten, just do not cheat on her now you are together properly, the guilt you feel now is insignificant to the guilt you would feel if you done it now. Enjoy your future together I hope it works out, learn from your mistakes and you will be a better person and boyfriend and possibley husband someday, the Lesson here is that you cant handle guilt so do not put yourself or your girl in such a position ever.
2006-09-13 10:53:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are making a mountain out of a mole hill. You need some perspective to see this event for what it really was in scheme of things. I think you are trying to self destruct your current relationship because you have low self esteem, and using this event as an excuse. Put your efforts into making what you have work and file this past memory away. You cannot be hapy if you are lonely and this is what you will be if you make this event bigger than it was, trust me what happened is nothing compared to lots of folks lives! Dont know why I answered this but hope it helps, whether you agree or not.
2006-09-16 17:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by petersellers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the relationship is as great for her as it is for you, it shouldn't matter. I think it's great that you're so concerned witht this because it shows that you want to give this girl everything you have. . . including truth and trust.
Luckily, your relationship is still somewhat new. If it's really bothering you that much, you need to tell her and get it off of your chest. I think you should just tell her like it's no big deal. Tell her you need to tell her something that you didn't really lie about, but sugar coated because you were sure what she'd think. Make sure she knows it was two months before you two started dating. There shouldn't be a problem. If she thinks you lied to her, explain that you just wanted to impress her, and being so new, you weren't sure if the relationship could have taken that information yet. Now you know you love her, you know the relationship is strong, so you didn't want to have any minor set backs. Girls love it when you think like that, it shows your softer side.
Good luck!
2006-09-13 10:56:55 · answer #6 · answered by Sera B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sin, you are absolved of all sin. Don't worry about it and do not hold any guilt, and don't think you have to tell your girlfriend particularly if your not being a bad boy - it may make you shed some guilt and feel better but do more harm to the trust in the relationship in the long run. Let it go and keep on lving a good life.
2006-09-13 10:49:06 · answer #7 · answered by drcurtis777 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must be a young one. A handjob is nothing. You didn't cheat on her. Get over it and move on. You are beating yourself up for no reason. If you had kissed another while with this current gf or had any sexual conduct while with ur current gf, then you should feel guilty. As you get older, you will realize that little things before relationships never matter.
2006-09-13 10:53:13 · answer #8 · answered by Jessie L 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that it matters most to you that you clear your conscious. If it means telling her the whole truth than you really need to do that. sometimes it may hurt your relationship a bit to do that. However a good solid relationship will spring back from something like this. It sounds like you made a mistake in the very beginning before you were truly committed to her. Obviously this is eating you up and accounts for something in your nature and if your girlfriend truly knows whom you are she will see this within you by now.
I too had a secrete that I had with held from my husband a number of years(nonsexual but still one that ate at my heart and I didn't think he'd understand) once I told him he was much more understanding than I ever thought he would be(this was before we were married). good luck. It is better than being eaten up inside.
2006-09-13 12:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Many things can happen during young love and life is a learning process! If it will ease you concious, tell her! She can't hold a grudge forever for honesty; and if she does, Is she really GF material anyways? Regardless of what happened between you and this other girl, the best policy would be to tell your girlfriend what happened yourself before someone else decides to tell her and gets things really twisted, beyond repair! GOOD LUCK!
2006-09-15 10:58:42 · answer #10 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋