What would you do?

Question

First of all, I want you all to know that I love this man with all my heart. We got engaged in December last year, and obviously it was the best day of my life. But then a month later I found out that he has been going on to chatlines for about 3 months, and met a girl in that way, which he wanted to meet, but I caught it in time. We had a lot of fights then, and he tried very hard, and he swore to me, that he will never get involved in something like that again, and he will never hurt me like that again. Like all of you know, it's hard to just forget when you've been hurt like that. But it is going better! We still getting married in November! What would you do? Do you think i made a dumb choice? Can men really feel bad for what they did, and never do it again? Honestly now? i'm strong I can handle straight forward answers.

Answer 1

You haven't made a dumb choice yet but in November you just might! Anybody (female or male) can cheat and your man seemed well on his way to doing that. Maybe he just got cold feet! Maybe he just wanted to take a ride on the freak train one last time before saying I do!! Who really knows!!! I'll leave you with this little tidbit........

Answer 2

maybe you didn't catch it in time.. maybe it would have never happened =) It was just a person on line after all right? For all you (and he) know it could have been a man =) Just trying to lighten the subject =)

You may never trust him again as you would, all you can do is try each day - and if you truly want the relationship to work, go on with it... there is nothing you can do to prevent the doubt from sneaking in to your thoughts.. but if it weren't this maybe it would be something else later down the road.

I am the first to agree it is the hardest thing to "forget" when you have been hurt... it is hard because you can never "forget" all you can do is decide to move forward with him at your side or not.

I wish you the very best of luck

Answer 3

I say that if he did it once (after asking you to marry him), then what is to stop him from doing it again??

Did he do it just to see if what was still out there was any better, or as a last fling before he married you??? There are just TOO many possibilities. I would give your engagement a little more time to give you both time to see what will happen. How do you know he isn't doing it again behind your back right now???

In a way, it makes a man feel good about himself that he can still attract a girl......but is the one he has attracted, (you), the one he really wants?? I don't mean that in a bad way, just it sounds like HE is NOT sure!!!!

Good Luck!!

Answer 4

I am not saying don't marry him, I think that you should wait to marry him until you are able to forgive him for this and completely trust him. It is better to get it worked out now before you drag it into a marriage. Trust me I have been married twice. The first time I had many problems with my first husband, he was a slime ball cute but a jerk I thought that he would change, I never trusted him the whole marriage and that is soooooooooo miserable for a woman to endure. The marriage I am on now has lasted 5 years and we are so happy. 1st and foremost we completely trust each other. That is such a wonderful feeling. And it is NOT overrated. I think you should give this relationship maybe another year before you marry. It will give you time to see if he is trustworthy and will give him more time to show his true colors. Remember you are making a life commitment and you want to make sure you go into it with all the tools of success.

Answer 5

They can feel bad for getting caught.
And it's hard to change a cheater...not that he got physical with this other chatline babe, but hey, he was having a 3 month chat relationship, that counts for something (emotional cheating it's called).
You'll probably be suspicious of him for a long time, and although you'll probably still get married (I'm not telling you NOT to), I will give you this piece of advice. DO NOT CONTINUE TO THROW THIS IN HIS FACE every little argument (or big one) THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE!
His word should be his bond, it's all some people have, if their word isnt good, then they are worthless.
Good luck, sweetie, I hope you have a long and loving marriage. If not him, then someone else ;-)

Answer 6

"Can men really feel bad for what they did, and never do it again?"
Are you kiddin me?? You talk as if men had no feelings whatsoever! The problem with most men is that they don't let it show, ever! And that hurts them even more! Women love to deal with their emotions, whereas men do not, for one simple reason: fear. The fear to allow tehmselves to have feelings. And why don't we allow ourselves to have feelings? Because it hurts. And we can't even talk to other guys about feelings, cause no one is interested! Just because a guy has allowed himself to have feelings does not mean that every other men around him has to allow themselves to hear about them! And that makes everything even more painful!

Ok... now that that's off my chest (sorry 'bout that, by the way, I'm having to deal with some personal issues myself)...

Yeah, I think you probably did the right thing. I'd keep an eye on him for a while, though, if I were you. Relationships are all about trust. You have to balance things and be true to yourself wether you trust him enough to let this whole thing go or if you feel you'll never really trust him again.
Trust 100% is what I always say.... well... I don't actually say that, but... you got the point, right? ;)
Best of luck to you!

Answer 7

I've had the same problem with my guy. The only difference is that I set him up, I was in fact the "other girl" he was talking to online, he just didn't know that. I am still with him, but I called off the wedding until he can prove to me that he will stay away from things I don't like him doing. I gave him the ring back and told him that we need to focus on the present right now and not the future. We have had lots of fights about this and it has been hard to try to move on. Be careful, but follow your instincts with him. Don't give up yet but don't let your guard down either.

Good luck :-)

Answer 8

I believe once a cheater ~ always a cheater. However, not knowing your man I cannot say for sure. But, if you have questions, which is most certainly appears to be, then maybe you should re-think the marriage issue. Chat rooms and other such internet sites can be very addictive. Some people just cannot help themselves even when they really want to. I would be leary of any one who goes to chat rooms regularly to meet someone. If they will do that, then why would you think that he doesn't just meet women when he is out??? I am sure it is even easier and more opportunity.

Answer 9

It is possible for him to have just chatted, and for him to feel bad, but you know that if you get married, you are going to have to work hard to trust him. I am sure that in the back of your head, this thought is always there. It must be.. your writing about it now.

Hate to tell you but that feeling is always going to be there. If you are going to go through with the marriage, you are going to have to find a way to deal with that issue. Not to say it cant be done, but you are going to have to trust him even if you dont. If you always accuse him of things, are always suspicious of things, and nagging him all the time (which is only natural for you to do) it might put a strain on things.

So just be careful on what you say and how you act. If you want to trust him again, you are going to have to give him time to prove it to you.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Girl , girl , girl please don’t do it these men try to hook up with women online for sex, sex, sex and we are living in a day and age for to many diseases; take it from me I do online dating and I’m single most the men I meet lie about their status and only want one thing . Its addictive because you hope to meet a good guy ,however as soon as u go away or have a fight he will be on the net making dates and sexing (Is that a word ??) you don’t need that crap; my honest advise hold off on the wedding ask God to see you through this trust me - postponement is better than divorce ! ; watch him and continue to monitor his actions for 1year if you see a change and love is still in the air say your I Do’s' with a clear head and be on your way ,but if you don’t do that he will be typing away behind your back and checking email every chance he gets ... take care