should i tell my 10year old daughter that her dad is not her real dad?

Answer 1

you should have told her when she was a tiny tot.. when it would not have been a big deal
now she will think you have been lying to her about everything all this time

Answer 2

At this point, I'd have to say no!!! because it might effect her emotionally and she will feel like she is losing a dad by learning the truth. She will be really confused and maybe even angry, it could potentially cut into her schooling, her grades might even slip etc... You probably don't want to hear this but, you should have been honest with her from the start and just explained to her that it takes a special man to be a dad! If you get cornered and have to tell her don't lie to her any longer but let her know that you and her "daddy" did it because he loves her and he wanted her to be his daughter because he loved her so much. It still won't be easy on her, she will have Lot's of thoughts about it. Good Luck !

Answer 3

I can't give you a clear answer on this. There are so many things that would depend upon.

Let me give you an example of a similar situation. A friend of mine had a child and then married another man. They had two children and her husband adopted the oldest boy. They never told him that her husband wasn't his father. However, when he was about 13 they got divorced. My friend was constantly undermining her husband's authority with the boy and so when they separated, he told her to take the oldest kid. Now, they never told him but he knew there was something up in the situation. Last I heard, he had been in lockup for about a year.

My thought is that you should have told her before now. However, if you and her dad discuss it with her and are willing to deal with the initial fall out, that may be the best way to handle it. If you aren't willing to do that, they maybe you should never tell her and hope it doesn't blow up in your face and hers.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You should always be honest with your children. I think it depends on if she's ready to handle that kind of info now. Do you think she can handle it? If you do, then do it gentle. Let her know that this is a good guy who knowing(hopefully he knows) that she was not his physical daughter CHOSE to be her dad. He chose her. He didn't have to but he loved her so much he chose her. Make sure she knows the difference between being a biological father and being a REAL father. Let her know as well you chose to tell her now because she is becoming a young woman, hopefully she will appreciate you thinking of her this way and will remember to act accordingly when dealing with this news instead of screaming and crying like a child. Treat her like a young adult. I remember when we were nine we found out that my best friends (still my best friend to the this day 17 years later) dad was not her real dad. It was a revelation to us, but nonetheless his status in our eyes never changed. Good luck.

Answer 5

I am sure that you have a reason for not telling your daughter sooner, it is a difficult thing and not easy to bring up. You know your child and her emotional needs and if you are wondering if now is the right time, Now is a perfect time
I would stress that the father that she has known all of her life is in fact her father who loves her and always will. Explain the difference between a true parent and a biological parent. If you feel that she is old enough to hear the details of how she came about...tell her. If not, tell her that it is to difficult for you to tell her now and when she gets older you will discuss it. It is important to tell her that she is special to have two fathers even if one is not in the picture. You have chosen the father that she has now...you might want to point out why you chose him.
I would not wait much longer because once those hormones kick in and she hits those preteen years they are hard enough. (Teens look for reasons to detest their parents).
Best of luck

Answer 6

TO ALL PEOPLE OUT THERE...NEVER LIE ABOUT YOUR KIDS PARENTAGE...IT CATCHES UP WITH YOU!!!!

Yes, tell her. It will be hard but necessary. My sister did the same thing with her eldest daughter, 13 years later her "dad" told her he wasn't her dad and ditched her and my sister. Now my 17 year old niece has no idea how to contact her real dad.

Funny thing, her "dad's" eldest sister found out at the age of 32 that the deceased man she thought was her dad really wasn't. Long story short, she spent tons of money looking for her biological dad only to have him tell her to move on and that he had absolutely no desire to have anything to do with her.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I have kids and will soon have to have that same conversation. Yes,10 is old enough for her to understand what you're talking about. Better do it before she gets too old. Stories I've heard don't end too well when you wait too long. Whatever you do I hope you answer all of her questions truthfully. Good luck. It won't be that bad really. Personal experience tells me so.

Answer 8

My father told us that he was not my brother biological father when we were in our teens. It actually made no difference to any of us. My father legally adopted my brother when he was 3yrs old. My mother had been married to a man that was abusive, she got pregnant he she left him when the abuse got worse. He gave up all parental rights and she met my father. To my brother, he is the only man in his life and his true father. He has never had a desire to search or learn of the biological man who helped create him. Maturity level of the child is very important. Just be open and honest about it. Answer the questions she has and if she wants to know who this person is, help her contact him and support her if she needs it.

Answer 9

i became into accompanied by my step father while i became into 6 months previous. on the age of 12 i found my unique delivery certificates, i became into heart broken. No do no longer tell her till she is older like sixteen or 18. Is there any reason she might ever see the baptismal certificates? If her genuine dad is in simple terms no longer interior the image I see no reason to tell her.

Answer 10

I think you should tell her - she will find out sooner or later and the sooner it comes from you, the better. My mother told me that I was adopted when I was about 7. I reacted very badly. But over the years, something my father told me made it a little better... He said he may not have fathered me, but he daddy-ed me. Anyone can father a child, but it takes much more to be a daddy.

Answer 11

If she doesn't know already then it is time you tell her...she's going to take it hard though...you could say something like she is special because her dad picked her when he could of picked anyone else...besides if dad is good to her then maybe she won't take it so hard...it's better that you tell her before she finds out from someone else.