My wife to be's father had an affair for thirty years and has fallen out with a lot of the family who he does not speak to any more, my fiance and I started speaking to him again, he see's our children even though it upsets others in the family. By inviting him it may upset others i.e her mother and sisters who she is very close to. She wants her father to walk her down the isle but she doesnt want an atmospher on our day, she doesnt want to fall out with her dad again but wants everyone else to enjoy the day, do we upset 1 person or potentially 5or 6? Or alternativley do we take our 2 little boys away and get married in secret and risk upsetting both our families?
2006-09-13 02:55:11 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You need to speak to all parties involved and remind them that this is YOUR day. I am quite sure they can be mature enough to strain themselves for a few hours and be in the same building to watch the two of you unite in marriage. If they cannot, then just tell them that you and she will have a small wedding with only the children in attendance.
2006-09-13 02:59:24 · answer #1 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding and you choose who you invite. You cannot control how other people react and what their actions will be. They need to grow up and stop being immature about this whole thing. It's been 30 years! Besides, it's tradition to want to have the father walk the daughter down the aisle.
The other family members who have an issue with this, need to find a way to put aside their feelings and emotions for a few hours. Like others have suggested, sit down together with the people who have a problem with the situation and let them know that you want them there, but her father will be there as well. And encourage them to put aside their issues for a few hours. If the family loves her enough, they can put aside their issues for a few hours and be there for HER and YOU.
I would invite everyone. If they choose not to go, then it's their problem not yours. It's unfair to you and selfish on their part, but like I said, you cannot control how another person acts. With my wedding I invited people I wanted at my wedding. Some choose to show and others didn't. Yes I was hurt that certain people never showed up to my wedding, but at least my husband and I did the right thing by inviting them.
2006-09-13 03:06:47 · answer #2 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While infidelity can affect those closely related to the wronged individual it is nevertheless an issue between the husband and wife. It is going to be your wedding day and your future wife's happiness is first and foremost on this auspicious occassion. It is unfortunate that several guests will be "upset" by his presence but they are "guests". If they feel they can't behave with a monicum of decorum then they should send a gift along with there apologies and allow you to send the invitations to those that will make you and your wife's marriage the highlight of the celebration. She is entitled to have her father walk her down the aisle. He is her FATHER and he loves her as her Mother loves her. Her parent's marriage is a seperate issue entirely. Make a stand. BE FIRM and don't apologize. Should anyone start trouble at the wedding then ask them to leave.
2006-09-13 03:03:47 · answer #3 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it's your wife's big day...and yours too...she wants her Dad to walk her down the isle and that's what should happen. If her Mother and Sisters love her, they should be mature enough to understand that the complications in the relationship with the Mother have nothing to do with his love for his Daughter and on her special day, they should let her be happy and not be so bitter and self centered about their own feelings. Everyone should get along and keep their personal bitterness out of Your Wedding Day...because it's not about them...It's about your happiness. Best Wishes to you both.
2006-09-13 03:08:54 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to think of it this way. This is YOUR wedding. If you want to invite your wife's dad I would say that is mandatory. How can he give your wife away if he's not there? He's trying to be a part of your life by spending time with your children. The other family needs to respect your wishes because the only thing that matters is that you and your wife have the most memorable experience in your life. Congratulations and I hope everything goes well. I'll be your bouncer if you need it he-he :)
2006-09-13 03:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have seen similar questions from brides who want to exclude a relative of whom they disapprove or with whom they've had a falling out. My advice is invariably that the guest list should never give the ourside world any clues as to private family rifts -- invite both divorced parents and, if someone is likely to 'make a scene', then assign a husky friend to 'keep company' with that person and 'take them out for some fresh air' if they become disruptive.
Your options are (1) allow yourselves to be emotionally blackmailed into excluding someone you'd really like to invite (2) risk having a scene or other unpleasantness (3) have two seperate celebrations (4) elope.
2006-09-13 03:10:39 · answer #6 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's her wedding day and if she wants her dad to walk her down the isle... then she should do just that.. however, she should meet with her mothers and sisters seperately and let them know of her intentions. Tell her to remind them that it is HER wedding day and she would like it to be about the joy that you both are sharing and to put aside any differences, attitudes, anger for that day. If they can't understand that then... they are being selfish. It's ONE DAY... and just a FEW HOURS....
Ask them to act civil for the sake of the day and what it means. That's all. I
Her wedding day is soooooooooo no about their issues (past or present)... so they need to chill out for that one day. Just don't seat those folk together during the wedding or reception.
It should be fine. Don't deprive yourself of what you both want... just to please a few people. It's not smart.. because it sure won't stop there.
2006-09-13 03:06:04 · answer #7 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tricky, that one. If your fiancee wants her father to walk her down the aisle then he should, or she'll regret it for the rest of her life. You could ask that he does this for her but passes on the reception out of respect for the rest of the family that he has cheated on for so many years. If the family already knows that you have been seeing her father regularly then they are bound to expect that you may want him to attend the wedding. You need to suss out how they might feel about it by suggesting it in passing. If they fly off the handle then you know you will need to tread softly. They may even accept that he is her father and has a right to be there but unless you ask, you wont know. Prompt communication is the key, I reckon. Good luck.
2006-09-13 03:03:10 · answer #8 · answered by myownprivateroad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not worry about how others will feel! This is your wedding and if your wife wants her father to walk her she should have him!! Anyone who would make a scene, or a spectacle at your wedding because she decided to have her father attend are rude and disrespectful. I would simply inform the family ahead of time that he will be there and that he is giving her away, and let them know that if they cannot behave themselves and just enjoy the wedding as your wife wants it then they should not attend. Do not let anyone dictate to you or to your wife how your wedding should go. They all had their day in the sun and if they haven't they will. It is not up to them, it is your wedding and ultimately your decision. Good Luck and Congratulations:)
2006-09-13 04:32:54 · answer #9 · answered by **hope/faith**1744 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may sound crass but it really is the bride and grooms day - explain to all concerned that if they ALL love you they will respect
your wife to be's wishes that her father walk her down the aisle.
You should state that all will be welcome BUT only if they respect
your wishes - no arguments/fights etc - TELL them you both know that for your one special day you KNOW they can all act
like civilised human beings (stress this does not mean they all have to be smiling and chatty with him - just plain civilised)
If they love you they will respect your wishes if they say no then quite frankly they are not worth inviting because they do not respect either of you that much. Your day is a celebration of your love for each other - nothing should interfere with that - families should call a truce for the day.
I hope you both have a wonderful day and pray that your families
decide to show their love for you both by accepting your requests.
May I wish you both a magical day and a very happy future
and remember this YOU can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family (very true)
2006-09-13 03:07:09 · answer #10 · answered by random 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋