I have been with my girl friend for 3 years now. In the beggining of the realtionship I was not the best to her and I had hit her and was a real d i c k. I haven't done this in over 2 years and things have been great since she has changed my life. Recently her mom was involved in an abusive relationship that led to police and stalking. It made my girl friend scared and now she says she can't be with me and take a chance of it ever happening again. I am not mad at her and I respect her descision however I want to be with her and I want her to know thats not the kind of person I am anymore. We are still best friends just not in a relationship right now. I want to know if there is anything I can do to help her with her fear and to let her know I will never do that again. I don't know about counseling and where to go and whether I should go alone or we could go together. I was thinking I could go first and then she could come later on or something like that. Please any help.
2006-09-13 02:51:25 · 8 answers · asked by jsnpasty 1 in Health ➔ Other - Health
Try talking to her about you going to anger management.. You know, once you intimidate and hit someone you supposed to love and they love you in return, they lose a lot of self-esteem and will always have a fear of you.. Give her some time...
2006-09-13 02:56:06 · answer #1 · answered by Tracy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You actually probably would both benefit from counseling.
As you may know, children tend to repeat their family situation in their relationships. For instance, children of alcoholics tend to become involved in a relationship with an alcoholic or a person who enables them to be an alcoholic. The same thing happens with children from families where the parent's were in an abusive relationship. For them, this is how a family "normally" functions.
Your girlfriend is right to be concerned. She needs help to learn about her family and how she can break the cycle of abuse. I'm sorry, but that may have been the reason why she choose you - because you were an abuser.
You need help to make sure that you don't become an abuser. You did it once, you haven't done it for some time, but you need to understand why you did it and how to prevent it from happening ever again.
You sound to me like an intelligent person. I think you will work this all out. I wish you and your girlfriend the very best.
2006-09-13 10:08:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anger management counseling is probably the best thing you could do to prove to her that you really want to change. And don't ask her to go with you. Do it on your own. Prove to her that you want to change, and you're not just doing it to win her back. And then, if she's more comfortable with it, show her your progress by inviting her to sit in on a session with you.
Women are much more willing to forgive if you show some initiative. But also keep in mind that women are taught that once a man hits you, he will always hit you. And 99.9% of the time, that is the case. So if she chooses not to be with you, you have to accept that and try to learn from the experience. I wish you well and hope you get counseling! Here are some sites that offer information on sessions and counseling...
2006-09-13 10:03:07 · answer #3 · answered by still waiting 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree you need counseling. any man who strikes a woman, even if it's just once, gives the woman reason to fear him and leave him.
there's no guarantee that you will not hit her again. a loving relationship is built on mutual respect for each person in the relationship.
conseuqnently, i'd shy away from dating (especially your g/f who dumped you) until you have gone through extensvie therapy to unlock the reasons why you would hurt a woman and learn strategies for building a firm relationship with a female that doesn't involve physical abuse.
be a real man. step up to the plate and seek the crucial therapy you need to become a trly loving and respectful partner.
i give you credit for admitting to your problem. it's the first step in breaking the cycle of abuse. take the next step; get involved with a therapist who specializes in spousal/partner abuse.
best of luck.
2006-09-13 10:01:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to start by saying congratulations. It takes a really big person to admit their faults and even then, it's amazing when someone can turn themselves around and be better for it. Good for you! About your g/f, I would be patient. You say you're still good friends? This is a perfect oppertunity for you to prove to her that you are trust worthy and want to be with her because you love her. Give her the time that she needs and support her decision. If she loves you the way you obviously love her, time will help her to see what she has with you. Good luck!
2006-09-13 10:04:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to realize that your behaviour was in the past and that you aren't like that anymore. She needs to go with her gut though, maybe she doesn't love you anymore or is scared that if you got drunk or something you'd beat her again.
2006-09-13 10:03:24 · answer #6 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you should consider some anger management. Then you should do something to really impress her, something really romantic, that she would not expect, and after you got her attention, talk to her about some couple therapy.
best of luck
2006-09-13 10:00:38 · answer #7 · answered by primumotoras 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her you are not the same person anymore and how she change your life and beg her to forgive you for hitting,to trust you and take you back.( and don't ever hit women).
2006-09-13 09:58:00 · answer #8 · answered by john 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋