I trust him but his best friend is the classic scum bag, they have done things together in the past with women and I honestly am so sick over whatever is going to go down I'm thinking of canceling the wedding. Does every guy cheat at the bachelor party and how am I supposed to just be cool with the whole ritual? any advice
2006-09-13 02:49:10 · 45 answers · asked by Jersey Style 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
to add on here.....his best friend is such a dirt bag and tries to break us up all the time but my fiance says that his friend is just jealous. If he is doing this to me now, I can just imagine what he will do at the bach. party to ruin my wedding. It's been a long road
2006-09-13 02:54:13 · update #1
Okay in reading a lot of the answers, you all have very good suggestions. I don't want to be jealous and mean and ruin his fun. I guess I'm just insecure maybe and dont want to be compared to a stripper.
2006-09-13 03:28:18 · update #2
My husband refused to have a bachelor party. He was entirely not interested in seeing any woman naked other than me.
Only immature boys cheat. Real men who truly love their fiances skip the bachelor party all together, because they (A) don't want their fiance to be uncomfortable with this, and because (B) they don't want to put themselves in a situation where there is any risk of endangering their existing relationship.
If your fiance understands that it makes you uncomfortable, he should VOLUNTEER to avoid it. You should definitely NOT be cool with the whole ritual, as it is based on the concept of men being pigs with no self control.
You being jealous of him and another woman is entirely normal behavior, and if you didn't feel that way, I'd suggest you don't get married.
You should feel entirely comfortable ruining whatever "fun" he might be trying to have with naked women. It's not insecurity...it's marriage. By becoming engaged, you have already begun the process of committing to each other and no one else for the rest of your lives.
In my opinion, a stripper at his bachelor party is a violation of this commitment.
2006-09-13 08:09:50 · answer #1 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 6⤊ 1⤋
The problem should not be the bachelor's party, if there is a problem at all. The "problem, if there IS one, revolves around just how much you know about your fiance and how much you trust him and his character. If he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with - which should mean he is the man you trust to act with a deportment you would admire and respect even when he is not around you - then you would not be worried about a bachelor's party or even a bottom-feeding, scum-sucking best friend. If you really do think that your husband-to-be can be led down the primrose path to debauchery and cheating, right now - just before your wedding - then you have a problem with HIM and with your relationship, not the party and not the friend.
If, on the other hand, you trust your fiance and know in your heart of hearts that all he will engage in is the male-bonding ritual, complete with exaggerated lewd looks at dancing chicks, augmented by the boorish male statements of "wow, I'd like to tap THAT!" but would never actually DO anything because he loves you and is true to you, then let it go. Remember, happy couples don't arise from two lists of ideal traits, but from happy combinations of mundane ones -- with a few ungrudging compromises thrown in. Brides-to-be don't generally like bachelor parties. Oh well. But grooms to be have them. Oh well.
So examine your relationship with your fiance to make the determination as to whether the party is going to be a problem. If your relationship will take priority (not that he won't GO to the party but that he won't cheat on you while there) then smile and tell him to have a good time but to tell the ladies to keep their hands off.
If your relationship will not withstand the party, then you may well wish to reexamine the wedding plans.
2006-09-13 02:59:39 · answer #2 · answered by two 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be honest with him and tell him that you are a little nervous.. Don't tell him you are freaked out though! Lol.... just ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed and you had a stripper at your bachelorette party.
Tell him to play fair, and then you trust him. He's marrying you for a reason. I have heard (from my fiance) that most strippers are gross and dirty anyway!
Ask him if he would mind NOT getting a stripper because you are uncomfortable with it. I personally wouldn't want a male stripper, and I don't think my fiance would mind not having one if it would make me uptight. Tell him to just go do something fun with the guys instead like gamble or drink...
If all else fails, if there is a friend of yours that is going to be going with him to the bachelor party, ask him to keep an eye on him for you. It's not being distrustful, its just making sure he doesn't do anything that he will regret...its taking care of him. :)
Then again, he should be a man and not cheat on you. Thats silly to ruin something so good!
2006-09-13 03:46:09 · answer #3 · answered by sour_apple 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think Bachelor Party's are lame. Why does a guy want to see some sl*t the night before he gets married. Sit your husband to be down and tell him how you feel. Tell him you want to set some ground rules. Don't tell him that he can't go, don't marry the guy if you just plan on controlling or changing him. If you trust him then it should be ok. But I would for sure set some ground rules that you can both live with. ie: NO TOUCHING, NO LAP DANCE...as him to maybe keep the drinking to a minimum. Also, if you don't live together yet, ask him to maybe stop by one the way home to tell you goodnight or at least call you when he gets home. My husband has a few friends that I don't like, I am always telling him he needs to make friends with married guys, but he does not like them because most of them are wimps to there wife's and that just makes him so mad. But he does understand why I feel the way I feel about his friends. He did not have a Bachelor Party when we got married. But it was talked about among his friends. His best friend was in jail at the time so that could of been somewhat of a reason. Either way I am not sure how I would of felt, well I know I didn't want him to have one. But I'm not sure what I would of said. I mean, I'm not going to start a fight with the man I love. We are pretty good at talking things out and he is really starting to show me that he can take my feelings into consideration. If you have a good man who loves you then there should be nothing to worry about. But if you really don't trust him or if he really just blows off your feelings then is he really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? But whatever you do, DO NOT MAKE HIM CHOSE BETWEEN YOU AND HIS FRIEND, because you will most likely lose. Don't be one of the women who come between guy friends. They will both hate you for it. You don't have to like him or get along with him, but you do have to respect the fact that he is your fiances friend. I hope this helps and good luck with the wedding.
2006-09-13 03:14:09 · answer #4 · answered by dohm84 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not All guys cheat at thier bachelor parties or anywhere for that matter, Your soon to be hubby will not cheat if he truly loves you no matter what his scum bag bestfriend says or does. You will need to trust him if you want your marrage to work. It sounds like you have been cheated on before, which is where you are having trust issues. I was devestated when I found out my husband went to a strip club the night before our wedding, but we've been married for 5 years now and no probs. Friends are not always around. You should let him enjoy the last "fun" night before he settles down. I'm not condoning any "extra cirricular activity". Trust is the most important quality to have in a strong marrage. And if he does cheat it's better you find out now then after the honeymoon. Are you planning on having a bachelorette party? If not you should, and go wild. (well not that wild) Good luck.
2006-09-13 03:01:45 · answer #5 · answered by foxxxy_pink_mama 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know u love him and he loves u otherwise u both wouldn't be getting married( just always remember that ). Trust me, bachelor parties are no fun for the bride to know about BUT if it really bothers you that much, tell your future hubby that it really worries you and that you rather him not throw one, or his friends throw him one. If he really loves you he would understand and want to spend the last night w/ you! Cheating is a huge word, there are different kinds of cheating, for example; kissing, sex, prenuptual flirting and etc...Usually at bachelor parties, it's nothing more than hard flirting and hard alcohol so I wouldn't worry too much. If worst comes to worst and he doesn't wanna give up the party, find out if they hired a stripper. If they did hire a stripper, you should cancel the stripper and take her place. Go to your fiances party and surprize him with a lap dance or something. It will not only make him happy , but also upset him at the same time because he would be ashamed that his girl would have to do something like that infront of his guys. I don't mean degrade yourself but make him learn a little lesson!
2006-09-13 02:59:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sadly...having this type of bachelor party in the first place is the problem. Spending the night before your wedding ogling (or more) other women is not the way to start of a marriage.
Demand that he not have this event or you'll call the wedding off. It's wrong and its inappropriate to do this. A bachelor party in the traditional sense is a night out "with the guys" that includes good food, perhaps a drink (not to excess) and something fun that doesn't involve cheating on your fiancee (and yes...looking at another woman in "that way" is cheating just as much as acting on the impulse).
Stand up for yourself...
2006-09-13 02:59:26 · answer #7 · answered by Mister Bob the Tomato 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The "done things in the past with women" bit is a bit telling on what you really think about your fiance.
Is your fear really that "the bachelor party will cause him to do _______" or that you really fear the type of person that he is? You plainly do not trust your fiance if you think he is so un-devoted to you as to cheat on you right before the wedding.
Regarding your question, "does every guy cheat at the bachelor party?" No. Only cheaters do such a thing. Most men don't. Either figure out that you love and trust this guy, or figure out that you don't love him. The two feelings can not co-exist. If you trusted him you wouldn't have to ask this question.
2006-09-13 03:00:44 · answer #8 · answered by VanJimmy 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that you are correct in being concerned. If you say you trust your fiance, but don't trust his friend, that is not really honest, because you don't trust that your soon-to-be husband would withstand temptation.
I don't like these parties, honestly. And regarding his best friend being a scumbag, remember the old saying: "Birds of a Feather Flock Together." Why does he have a best friend who's a scumbag if he is not one?
I think you have some serious questions that need to be answered, and I think you need to confront him boldly and directly. It's very important that a woman marry a man with honor and dignity. While I'm sure some bacherlor parties may be innocent, I don't know what percentage of them are. It's probably not that safe of a bet.
I would have some immediate, serious talks with him, and I would leave open the option of reconsidering the marriage. And don't listen to any liberals here or elsewhere who might tell you that it "doesn't matter."
2006-09-13 02:58:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is NOT OK to cheat on a bachelor party. If that is what he is going to do he deserves it that you cancel the wedding. Also..as he is your fiance and you two are going to build up a family together he should value your opinion more then that ugly best friend.
But...are you sure he is going to do that ? I mean it's your fiance you're talking about, not his bad best friend ?
I think there is nothing against telling him that you're worried about the bachelor party and that you would feel very upset if he was going to cheat on you, even during that party. If he is worth your trust he will respect your feelings here.
2006-09-13 02:53:17 · answer #10 · answered by Vage Centurian 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this bachelor party attendance a "deal breaker" for you? If yes, tell your fiance that its one or the other. Is the 'best friend' a member of the wedding party? Why do you think your fiance will "cheat" at the bachelor party? Has he cheated in the past? Do you really trust him, or are you displacing your distrust onto his friend? IF YOU DON'T TRUST HIM DON'T GET MARRIED!
Not every guy cheats at a bachelor party and not every bride is a concerned as you. You have to decide to "be cool" and accept the social tradition, trust your fiance, or CANCEL THE WED.
2006-09-13 03:11:03 · answer #11 · answered by jack w 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋