How can I stop my kids from fighting all the time?

Question

I have a 2 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. They are forever fighting and wrestling all day long. Someone always ends up in tears. I've read that they fight to get my attention, but they fight even when I'm not around. Some say it's boredom, but even if I distract them into other activities it's only a matter of time until they're back at each other again. Any suggestions to help this would be welcomed!!

Answer 1

Hi there,

As a counsellor, I think I can give you the following tips:

1. Observe the moments whenever a fight begins to heat up between the two. If required, prepare a mental list of reasons / circumstances that lead to the two reaching out for each other's throat. For this, you will have to learn to take a step back and not react the way you always react whenever you see them fighting. Simply perceive what exactly is going on.

This observation gives a lot of insight into the persona of the tiny tots. Who usually initiates the fight? Is one of them possessive of things? Does one of them, or both, try to trespass into the other's space? Does one of them simply enjoy seeing the other cry? It could be a host of reasons. Once you get to see a pattern in their behavior, it becomes a lot easier to solve the problem.

2. One trick that usually works with siblings in general is to send one of them away to a relative's place for a short period of time, say about four to five days, or even ten - twelve days (if this is feasible). Distance invariably dissolves away whatever sibling rivalry may have developed between the two.

3. Another generally observed phenomenon is that the arrival of a second child is not taken too kindly by the first child, who finds in the new arrival a competitor vying for his/her parents' affection. Do you perceive this in your son (the elder child)? Then he needs to be gently told, if required in private, that he is as much lovable to you as his sister is! And when you put *him* in charge of his younger sister's wellbeing, you may find it hard to believe the change in his attitude towards his sis!

Hth, and all the best ... :-)

Answer 2

Honey, I am a mother of five, and I can tell you that this is not normal. Especially at such a young age. Either someone is encouraging this behavior, or it's being allowed at certain points. You have to stop this. Big brother's are suppose to protect their baby sisters and be nice to them, your son should be no exception. It's time to turn the little beast into mommy's little helper. Sit him down and explain to him that we need to be nice. Tell him that wrestling is something he should do with daddy, not the baby. Keep your explanations simple and use guidelines to help him be aware of his own actions. At four, they understand the concept of right and wrong. So if he's caught hitting her, simply ask him if that was a nice thing to do. The more you do it, the more aware of it he'll be. Baby sister will follow suit. So if she's throwing toys, take it away and simply say "No, make nice to big brother". The more you encourage positive behavior, the more inclined the children are to act it out. However, on the other side of that coin, is the bad behavior. If you do nothing about it, in their minds, they deem it as okay until you teach them otherwise. And unfortunately bad behavior escalates alot faster than good behavior.

I'm sure you are doing a good job mom, you just need to show them other alternatives in how to interact with each other. Put an end to the wrestling, encourage them to be nice and you'll do just fine. And yes, it really is that simple. They are little yet and it tends to be much easier teaching them at a younger age.

Answer 3

Sometimes people just don't get along. It is hard to live with and it is something that needs to change. Do you know what sets them off? It usually is one child more than the other, do you know which one "starts it" and why? Try addressing the issues instead of the fighting. Is the two year old taking things from her brother? Does big brother simply resent his baby sister? It takes time patience and planning, just remember to try and discipline the offender and not to victim. If both are punished for bad behavior then the offender wins again.

Answer 4

i have a 3 year old daughter and a 5 year old son and they fight over everything!! And like you they do it when i'm not around too. I don't think that it has anything to do with attention because I am a stay at home mom, and my kids get plenty of attention. even right now as i am on the computer my daughter is on my lap, and my son is right beside of me......begging to play blue's clues on the computer. kids fight. its going to happen. if it gets too bad for you seperate them. my husband and i traded our master bed room with our son. now, my son has a walk in closet that is now called the toy room. its filled with his toys. we paint fish all over the walls, and in the bedroom we put in a couch , desk, and tv. so when they start fighting too bad i just say...."hey austin, why don't you go upstairs and play. " think about it....when you are with the same person every day of your life wouldn't they kinda get on your nerves? i know that when my husband was laid off from work i could have pulled my hair out because he was every where i went in the house. maybe the kids start to fell the same way about each other.

Answer 5

I would try showing them lots of attention, and if you have to seperate them. My kids did this a lot too, and I would put one in one room watching tv and one in another. It always seemed to help because alot of fights were over what to watch on tv. As for the 4 yr old boy you really might consider discipline also since he is much older and of course stronger than a 2yr old girl. Be sure that he doesn't actually hurt her, or grow up and think it is ok to hit girls. Good Luck

Answer 6

well they both are young but try punishing them like putting them in a corner. or take away thier toys. wich ever one works. or try to find out why they fight. what kind of shows do they watch on tv??? cause if you watch a show or your husband they could see stuff on tv. do they have adhd??? what you need to find out are they playing or are they really fighting like as in hurting each other. id put them in time out you cant let them run all over you and each other maybe they need to be seperated like they play seperate for some time in a day maybe they just get on each others nerves but anyway good luck

Answer 7

well they're too young to leave and take a walk without them.
Try sending them both to their rooms.

I used to do that and they would sneek out into the hallway to play with each other quietly. That was what I wanted them to do in the first place.

When I saw that it worked I didn't tell them I knew I just let them keep playing quietly.

It was so funny.

God Bless You, Hang in there,

Answer 8

Kids are kids that how they are especially when they are family....that gets them closer together once they get older they will be closer together....that's how it was in my family...and my kids right now they are like that....I have 1 boy and 1 girl...and 1 girl who is my step daughter and they all fight....they are still young....and I have one on the way and they are all going to fight....that's just how kids are...

Answer 9

hi to the one who suffers.that"s u. i have three little ones .and they to fight alot but when i Tell them to stop and they don"t I tell them u
know what i am going to take two of you back to the hospital so they can get a new family so you guys can stop fighting.and you will never see us again . THAT WORKS FOR ME REAL GOOD.
GOOD LUCK.

Answer 10

I HAD THIS PROBLEM FOR YEARS WITH MY KIDS , THE ONLY THING THAT WORKED FOR ME IS I MADE THEM BOTH PLAY BY THEMSELVES FOR A WEEK , THEY WERE NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK , TALK , OR ANYTHING WITH EACH OTHER , AFTER THAT OF COURSE THEY STILL FIGHT BUT IT'S NOT EVERY DAY NOW THEY ARE MORE FRIENDS...GOOD LUCK !!