I have noticed recently that mixed within the sites visited on my computer's history are a lot of porn websites. My boyfriend and I live together but it is my computer. I guess I am just offended that he feels he isn't being satisfied enough by me that he has to look at this kind of porn on a regular basis - and what does this mean for a relationship that is only 16 months old? I love him and outside of this I feel that he is very happy in our relationship - in fact, if I hadn't come across these sites I wouldn't think that there was anything wrong at all. Why wouldn't he just talk to me about it or want to look at it with me, etc... if it wasn't something that he is ashamed of or something that he feels he can't get from me. It makes me feel like I will never live up to his expectations and this is his outlet for my shortcoming. Any advice would be helpful. I plan on talking to him about it, I just wanted to see what other people thought before I approached him with it. Is it normal?
2006-09-13 02:46:15 · 23 answers · asked by Molly B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Honey that is totally normal and doesnt have to do anything with satisfaction. Guys do that all the time, I have been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now and he does the same thing, Why do you think there are so many websites and DVDs out there. When they do that its easier for them, they control it they dont have to be thinking about us and wether or not they satisfy us. I totally understand you I freaked out when I knew my boyfriend was doing it but trust me is normal, My sister is a marriage counselor and she told me is normal too; and hey would you rather have him doing that or seeing some woman out there?
Good luck!
2006-09-13 02:57:42 · answer #1 · answered by audrey 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Depression didn't make him look at porn. Being male did. I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, but... guys look at porn. Pretty much all guys. Why do you suppose it is a multi-billion dollar industry? Your boyfriend may be depressed, but at least he still has the sex drive of a normal male (unless he prefers looking at porn to actually having sex with you). Seriously, I would think there's something wrong with him if he didn't look at a little porn once in a while. It doesn't mean he has an addiction to it, although it is pretty disrespectful to do it when your mother is there. The depression, on the other hand, is a more serious issue. Medication is rarely the answer, and is pointless to take if it isn't used in conjunction with counseling. What he really needs is counseling. Not because he looks at porn, but because of his depression. He should talk to his doctor about titrating off the meds, and then schedule an appointment with either a licensed counselor or a psychologist. They can give a better assessment than a psychiatrist or MD, and then if he really needs meds they can refer him for that.
2016-03-26 23:11:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not the first and definately not the last to have this happen, why would you suddenly feel offended by him looking at porn? And why do you automatically assume he isn't satisfied? I understand "your" computer and you not wanting anything posted. However, It amazes me of the women that are put off or automatically think there is something wrong with them when their man looks at porn. I would be one to worry if he didn't look. There doesn't have to be anything wrong with you. Apparently he is very happy and comfortable with you if he is there doing it and not someone or somewhere else. I think men watch it to help improve their 'game'. Men are natural lookers. Women should know this, it's been and issue for centuries. When you talk to him don't ask "why are you doing this to me/us?" Find out what exactly he's looking at/for and ask if you can see too. If he has nothing to hide he will show you. Odds are you are more surprised than hurt. So long as it is not child pornography, don't make more out of this than it is. 85% or better of men are porn watchers, different men watch for different reasons. If you make a federal case out of this you are going to cause a lot of unnecessary and unwanted tension. you don't have to be approving but be understanding and compromise, and this situation will work itself out.
2006-09-13 03:34:38 · answer #3 · answered by MrsPTB4Life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt worry so much about it, most guys do it. and its a totally normal thing for them to do. sometimes they are just looking for some tips to spice things up. or a new position to try, whats important is that he does it with you. dont confront him in a angry way, i would just mention it non-chalantly and you could then ask him if there are some things "in the bedroom" that needs to be worked on. accusatons are going to get you know where but in a yelling match and both people mad at each other and nothing accomplished. im sure that after 16 months, he still is interested , just might want to add some adventure, and no , it absolutely does not mean you are doing anything wrong while in bed either.
nine times out of ten we women over react to things anyway. good luck to you and try not to read into it so much.so maybe you turn around and start looking at porn too. a little reverse psychology.
2006-09-13 03:04:44 · answer #4 · answered by rebecca m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men are voyeuristic by nature--they will look at anything without clothes of the female persuasion. As long as he isn't substituting porn for being intimate with you or has to have it just to get excited enough to have sex, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Talk to him and ask him is there something he sees on the computer that maybe you two could try together? I have a rule at my house about that stuff though...not while I am there. He can look all day as long as I'm not at home. I find it completely disrespectful for him to look at it when I'm in the next room.
2006-09-13 02:51:19 · answer #5 · answered by WonderTwit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beings everything else in your relationship is on point, I wouldn't totally flip out over this. Get mad, yea, but kick him to the curb, no. It could be that he's just a very sexual person and it doesn't have anything to do with you at all. But on the other hand, you need to tell him how it makes you feel and see what happens from there. If he continues to do it then that would mean the porns are more important than your feelings and thats when you kick his butt to the curb! Good luck!
2006-09-13 02:54:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, let me tell you this. I am not sure how old you and your boyfriend are, but I had this same issue with my husband. When we first married I was 27 and he was 22. He was raised Catholic. Not real devout, but still enough that he believed in the back of his mind that it was dirty. I thought he was happy with our sex life and I was a little surprised too that he wouldn't at least share it with me. I personally was much more open to sex than he was and I myself check out porn sites on the web and yes masturbate too and I thought he knew this. (Both men and women need it at some time or another and I feel that if you are inhibited with your sex partner, masturbation can help. You have to be familiar with your own body in order to be able to let someone else know what turns you on.)
Anyway, I talked to him about it. I told him that I had noticed he had been checking out these sites and was there something I should worry about? I let him know that I was interested in porn too and that I wanted to see us try some new things to keep things spiced up. In the end it helped. Our sex life became better than ever. We still had our moments to "ourselves" but we knew this and respected it. He told me that it turned him on to know that I masturbated and sometimes I let him watch.
You may not be as open as I am, but at least let him know you are aware of the situation and see if there is something that you can do together to ensure a good, healthy relationship. I definitely wouldn't get too worried about it though. As many people have already said, men are much more visual that women are, but that is where it might help for you to try "dressing up" for him, doing a dance, some role playing, that sort of thing to keep things spiced up from time to time.
Good Luck
2006-09-13 03:11:24 · answer #7 · answered by Wicked Lioness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many guys look at porn websites like many women look at shoes - it doesn't 'mean' anything against you. He is not comparing them to you, he is not thinking ' Boy, my life would be complete if she just did this'. He looked before he was with you, and probably will continue to look his whole life. And yes, they don't want you to know because, like a little boy with the hand in the cookie jar, he would feel ashamed. To him, these women are objects, you are flesh & blood & he cares what you think of him. Guys are just like that - let it go, it is not an issue worth worrying about. I WOULD be worried if he was on dating sites, but this...no. It just shows he is an average, typical guy.
2006-09-13 02:49:40 · answer #8 · answered by mustanglynnie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is he looking at it? Maybe because he's an adult and can. Stop obsessing over it he's not trying to replace you nor is he bored, it's just what we guys do for a variety of reasons most importantly we like ogling naked chics! Instead of getting all freaked out why don't you join him? Trust me good things will happen if you loosen up and watch with him. Oh yeah, your wondering why he didn't talk with you about it? He probably figured you would react this way and decided to keep quiet about it.
2006-09-13 02:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by DialM4Speed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he's looking at porn doesn't mean you're not satisfying him or that he doesm't love you. Most men look at porn in private because they are embarressed for you to know. They don't want to upset you. Men are more visual and women are more emotional when it comes to sex. You could try and spice up your sex life or just ask him if he's truly happy. Unless it becomes an obsession don't worry about it.
2006-09-13 02:52:06 · answer #10 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋