Self-critical thoughts/abuse?

Question

Does anybody else get this?

Occasionaly, you might recall an event that now makes you cringe. You think to yourself 'Oh God, what an idiot I was then'. It might concern something like, when you got caught talking about somebody who was standing behind you. You're justified to cringe on recalling the occasion.

However, for the past few months, I've found myself recalling events from the past where nothing in particular happened. Eg. I remember walking through the airport on my way to Greece. (no big deal). But, I think of these things and then think 'God, what an idiot I was', sometimes followed by swear words of self criticism. It's becoming so bad now that when I'm on my own, the thoughts/abuse become spoken. I have tried telling myself to 'Nevermind - ignore it' - but it's not making any difference.

I don't think it's related to Tourettes - as I've researched it and the symptoms do not fit.

Why do I beat myself up without reason?

Answer 1

Hi there,

the first thing is that you are not mad or abnormal you are experiencing something each of us will at some point.

I work as a clinical hypnotherapist and have worked with many people through this successfully.

Everybody has an internal dialogue, and it can be your best friend and worse enemy.

Some basic ways to tackle this and your negative self image are:

a) when you hear the voice, change it to someone elses, a voice that is soothing or even strange and funny. This will lessen its emotional inpact on you. Allow yourself to find it funny and laugh eeven.

b) disagree with this internal voice. Just because it is inside your head, doesn;t make it right, and you know it isn;t.

c) have a dialogue with it in your mind. What does it want from you?

d) Look yourself in the mirror (I understand this maybe difficult, so do it when you are ready), and stare into your own eyes and say:

I love myself
I accept myself
I am not to blame

and repeat until it becomes natural and feels true, you may notice your voice sound more confident as you go along.

Look at your reflection with love and affection, the same way you would when you are with someone close to you.

Most of all, know that you can separate yourself from it, and treat it as a separate entity. That will lessen its effect on you straight away.

Good luck and all the best

Answer 2

Hello.

I just spent about 15 minutes typing out a huge essay for you on this but have just decided to delete it, Most of what I had to say probably wasn't going to help you much, so I'll just say this.

I developed a condition almost exactly As you describe in my late teens. Ten years later I know that this is a bit more than the beating your self up over doing something stupid that most people do to one degree or another.

The vocalised curse became a problem and I ended up in pyscotherapy on the NHS (no you won't get sectioned) and this was interesting and gave me a good understanding but did nothing to stop it. In fact some inner peace found through meditaion, which I took up to try and help, helped more.

It's good that you are obviously taking it seriously early on and like some people have said, low self esteem has a lot to do with it I'm sure. You need to get your self to a position where you are no longer making new memories to curse your self for later as soon as you can. This doesn't mean never mess up, just change how your mind deals with them. This is such a comlicated matter
and I'm starting to write an essay again. If you want to contact me you can.

Answer 3

This is a normal thing. Many people will have this phenomenon, more so in those with imagination than those without.

We have an internal dialogue which comments on what we have done. It is usually locked up in our subconscious mind and we don't usually have to deal with it, but it is being processed anyway.

We access it sometimes when we want to retrace things - have you ever lost your keys or something and do a mental walk through of all the places you went once you got in the door.

It is this memory that you are accessing when you are doing the recall of the airport in Greece.

Sometimes this is your subconscious trying to nudge you to remember something important that you have forgotten.

Sometimes this is something bad that you have done that you should remember to never do again.

Sometimes this is something good that you should remember and treasure, and remember again on a rainy day :)

I think you have some issues about Greece.

Talk it over with some good friends. Tell your therapist if you have one. I wouldn't go get one specially for this.

I have one particular memory that haunts me to this day about when I wanted to show off my new watch to the Sunday school class (hey, I was a kid and I was excited). I've never told anyone about it, but it pops in for a visit every so often and I remember to try and be humble :)

Answer 4

Don't worry about it, draw a line in the sand and move on. Whenever a bad thought comes into your head, don't dwell on it, instead think of the most stupitest / funniest joke that you've ever heard, the one that makes the water run down your legs, I'll gaurantee you'll stop being self critical.

Also, ask yourself this question, why criticise yourself, when no one else does.

Answer 5

All things, young person, have reason...why indeed?

Why would you carry on so when you don't need to..or maybe you do? Only you can answer that.

There are two thoughts about this: one is you want attention much like a naughty child...if you learn to redirect it and do not supplicate this behavior and instread reward yourself when you DON"T do that.

The other is that somewhere in the past someone treated you this way and now, on your own you feel you need to continue this.

Either way it's up to you to stop it...

Answer 6

I do the same thing a lot, tending to dwell on times where I was completely socially awkward. I don't know what causes it but I know what you mean about cringing when you think about it. The only thing I can advise is just to try to push it out of your head and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

Answer 7

>> Why do I beat myself up without reason?

Why is there no reason? Of course there is...the reason is you want to be right. You're better now than in the past so the past doesn't measure up.

You really want to know what this is called?...it's call love...you love yourself and you really do want to live your dreams.

Self-criticism is absolutely a good thing...you resent it like any other criticism....and that's the habit to break...stop hating it and seek it out because you can't get what you want until you understand why you couldn't before.

Answer 8

What you are doing is called ruminating.There is no set way to get rid of it ,but if yoy try then you can divert your thoughts.When you start thinking in either a critical or negative way what you do is divert your thoughts to something youve already planned to think about.things like your favourite place or person .or what you could do is think the thing all the way thru then try to find something funny about what happened .humour can cure a lot of things

Answer 9

Dear gipelli... I hope you are reading these answers.. it sounds like there is a compulsive component to what you are describing and that this issue is escalating. I strongly recommend that you consider seeing a doctor. With that person you can decide what course you can take.
Of course you must help yourself, but there are times that a person needs help in learning how to help themselves.
I wish you the best.

Answer 10

I criticise myself for silly little things that I do, like when you know your hands are wet but you pick you cup of tea up knowing you're going to drop it. I just put it down to having more important issues going on in my life like work and relationships.

You need to ask yourself if this is restricting your every day life and if you think you need help to breaking this bad cycle you seem to be caught in. Maybe you should see your doctor who could recommend someone for you to talk to, find out if there are deeper issues in your life. It's obviously bothering you enough to ask strangers, and no one will think any less of you if you ask for help.

Good luck.