I have an opportunity where I might be able to go back to work...?

Question

A very exciting opportunity. My son is 4 now and I have been a stay at home mom since last October. Now, I may have an opportunity to go back to work. I would really like to go back to work. I think it would be great for my self-esteem and give me more balance in my life.

I'm scared that my son will feel abandoned if I go back to work. I have talked to the employer and said I would like to do a three week part time and work up to full time transition for my son and they said Great! But, after the three week transition...I'm full time.

I know my son misses having buddies around since he is an only child. In daycare before, he liked having little friends and he loved the teachers.

Is daycare healthy for a 4 year old? He's a busy, high energy, confident little boy...and I don't want to wreck that with 9 hours of day care everyday.

I think his Dad will help out a lot. Am I being selfish for wanting to work again? Help!!! I feel guilty.

Answer 1

Kids do well in daycare. Just find one that offers a variety of developmental activities. If you can afford it some have webcams you can check on your kids. Or is there a daycare near work -- you could visit sometimes during lunch. Don't feel guilty because staying home is not for everyone and a happy Mom is a better Mom.

Answer 2

I think you can find a balance. But having any child in a daycare system for long hours a day is not good. You need to decide it is a personal choice. Personally I feel the child has to come first. Children are not something you do part time. If you can manage a 3 day work week then fine but make sure there is a balance. Remember he is still only 4. Maybe full time isn't a good option right now for him. Any child in daycare for long hours isn't cool with me. Maybe your guilt is telling you that the time isn't right. Follow your heart and remember the child has to come first not your job, career, etc.

You need to decide on the reasoning for daycare. Is this because you need to work or simply want to work.

There are many options for children at this age that don't include long hours in daycare. If your goal is to get him around other children there are short hour pre-school and actually at 4 he could benefit from a Jr. Kindergarten program.

Children don't do well in daycare for long hours at a time. Your child is precious if you have to put your want to work on hold then so be it. It is selfish to put a child in daycare for 9 hours a day.

DAYCARE AND SHORT HOUR JR. K PROGRAMS ARE TWO DIFFERENT BALL GAMES.

Answer 3

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! I am the mother of four children (9,8,7, and 5!) and a corporate career woman...it is very difficult balancing act, but it can be done given the support system is in place such as the other parent. 4 is a great age to introduce pre-school/day care. Did you know most of your child's morals and values are already instilled by the time he was three years old? In 1-2 years he will be in school full-time anyway...givent he fact he is an only child, more reason to introduce him to social environments again...go for it girl!

Answer 4

I think your plan sounds great. My child attends daycare/preschool 2 days a week, she's 4. Absolutely loves it. Going back to work will help you get your sanity back! I love working. It's my time away from my child and my husband. My child does fine with daycare part time and a family member part time during the week.
Good luck! More power to you going to work! What a great thing to do! Plus, he'll be in kindergarden next year....what will you do staying home all day while he's in school? Going to daycare will help him with social skills before going to kindergarten.

Answer 5

First, the need for adult-interaction is NOT selfish; don't feel that way. Also, some of us are ON OUR OWN in this world and NEED to have our kids cared for so we can EARN MONEY to FEED them (not yelling at you, Love). I would be a stay at home mom if I could, but I can't. In the last 8 years, if I've learned nothing else, I've learned that if you can't take care of yourself, you can't expect to take care of your child. As for his feelings of abandonment; he is old enough to understand that mommy IS coming back. As long as you're consistent in your timing (drop off, pickup, etc) he will know that you're not 'leaving" him. But as far as daycare goes, I'd look for someone who sits in thier own home (ask friends, family & neighbors for referrals). Daycare centers have less one on one interaction between kids & adults. If you're lucky enough to find someone who already has one or two kids about the same age as your son, he will get the attention he deserves, but will still gain the socialization skills that he'll need when he starts school. (In-home daycare may also be less expensive!)

Answer 6

You know your family and yourself and your situation best and the also the day care opportunities in your area.
Delete those words "selfish" and "guilty" -- why even ask that question?
Instead ask, is this situation working for our family?
Instead of setting up a self-fulfilling prophesy, "my son will feel abandoned" and "confident...wreck that" find a day care setting where he will thrive.
At 4 he is old enough to talk to you about his day, so you can monitor and discover how its working.

Answer 7

Send him to pre-K. He will be with other kids and learn to be prepared for Kindergarten. Both my girls started Pre-K at 4 and loved it. They also learned alot through play, developed social skills and made friends. Don't listen to Lisa, you would be doing a disservice to yourself and your child by not starting him in Pre-K now. He will have to start elementary school next year anyway.

Answer 8

If you have a support system, and a good day care, things should be fine. Social interaction is good for little ones, and he may even have a friend or two that will start school with him, which will make that easier too.

Answer 9

Kids do NOT do well in day care!
Don't believe what others tell you about that load of bull!
You can rationalize and try to believe this yourself so you won't feel any guilt leaving your child's care, welfare and upbringing in someone else's hands.
But if you didn't plan on bringing them up on your own, then why did you have them in the first place? (speaking generally here).

I personally think that mothers today have their priorities completely backwards and upside down. Like it says in the bible, there is a time and a season for all things.
Get your college degree BEFORE the kids come, or AFTER they leave.
Have your career BEFORE the kids come, or AFTER they leave.
Mothers today for some reason think that being a stay at home mom, or a homemaker, is something to be ashamed of, embarressed of, something to avoid. They think they have to be what the world calls a "supermom" where they work, go to school, clean the house, cook the food, run kids all over the place, are involved in their community, etc., etc., etc. It's all so ridiculous!!

The best supermom that there can be is one who stays home with her children she's been blessed with and nurtures them, cares for them, teaches them, guides them. Is there for every scratched knee. Every bonk on the head when they fall down. Every time they come home from school. All first steps, first words, first time they tie their shoe, etc. A supermom to me is one who welcomes their child in the morning, makes breakfast, reads, plays, changes and dresses, feeds lunch, plays, naps with, sings with, dances with, leads and guides, loves and cares for, then feeds dinner, and tucks her own children into bed at night, only to do all of this again the next day.

You want your child to grow up YOUR way? Then you keep them in your own home and you raise them your way. Don't pawn them off on somebody else and then one day IF they make something of themselves you hold them up as a trophy, thinking somehow that thanks to you they are this way when in fact you had hardly anything to do with their success.

Answer 10

No, go for it.