As shallow & superficial as this will sound but i just want to know your thoughts on this. I am 24 & in a long term relationship with my boyfriend and its pretty much marriage material. The thing is that I am not really physically attracted to him but I think I do love him..I mean, what is love really??..I think the reason I'm staying is because I don't really want to go back into all that dating/single drama again. And also he is financially very well off which is something i guess all women want.. I don't want to be worried/stressed about bills/morgage payments etc in the future. I don't think I believe in love. I think if you stay with a person long enough you will grow to like (love) them..I know i sound cynical/pessimistic/stupid even..but thats how i feel. But I do have brothers who I would give my life for..I guess thats Love..When you will give your own happiness for another? What are your thoughts/advice on this? Anyone in the same situation? Or have been where I've been?
2006-09-13 00:36:58 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'll answer your question first with a couple of my own.
If you don't feel any physical attraction now, how are you going to deal 10, 20, or 30 years from now when his looks are faded from age? Can you see yourself having sex with an old, overweight, bald version of this man?
So he's stable/well off, lots of men are. I agree, you don't want to be struggling to make your bills in the future, but there is no guarentee that he will always be comfortable. He could get fired five years from now, make some bad investments, start gambeling, etc... If his money was gone tomorrow, would you stick by his side?
So he's wonderful on the inside, lots of men are if given the chance and the right woman. While I agree that there are plenty of jerks out there, you shouldn't settle just because he's in your life now. Would you still want to be with him if he went through a bad time and his behavior wasn't up to par, or he started to ignore you?
Quote:
"I don't believe in love......But I do have brothers who I would give my life for..."
That's love. Real-honest-to-goodness love, even if it's not a romantic love like with a boyfriend or husband. The principle is still the same.
How to tell:
When you put that person's happiness before yours.
When you put their needs before yours.
When you would give your life for them.
When you would stand by them no matter what.
When you get excited just to hear their voice.
When a hug from them means more than sex from previous relationships.
When you have some extra time/money and you want to do something with it for them, and not yourself.
You need to think about your answers to the above. If you said no to even one of them, then think about moving on. It's not fair to either of you to continue a relationship that doesn't have a future that looks good. I understand your reluctance about being single again, it's normal after a serious relationship. But you are still young and have plenty of time to find Mr. Right, not settle for Mr. Right Now. There are so many things that will be a factor in a marriage other than money, and stability/comfort.
Talk to your guy about how you feel. He needs to know that you aren't sure about this. If you both agree that you want the relatioship to continue, I suggest that you get premarital counseling. I can't see a healthy marriage without it when you are so uncertain about your feelings and a future with this man.
2006-09-13 05:27:29 · answer #1 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My personal experience is that I loved to see this guy. Everytime he stepped into the room I just enjoyed being near or around him. My heart fluttered and I was happy. We became friends and sex for us didn't come for 3 years after meeting and dating. I guess I grew to love my best friend. Now he and I are best friends and been married for 28 years. I met him 38 years ago. We wern't introduced. He caught my eye right away. He was shy so I first approched him. We have never had money. We have just gotten by for all those years but the important thing is happiness. If you can be happy together and enjoy each others company then go for it. Neither my husband or I work now. He is disabled and on disability and I am his caregiver. We are together all of the time and I am still really enjoying that. If you can feel that way about this guy I would say go for it.
2006-09-13 00:50:32 · answer #2 · answered by Just Bein' Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
True love exists, I know from experience.
Love is feeling safe in his arms.
Love is hearing your phone ring with his special ring, and suddenly the crappy day you've been having isn't so bad anymore.
Love is when you don't need anyone elses' approval, as long as he thinks you're the greatest.
Love is when he's your hero, your white knight, and you are cherished and adored by him.
Love is a deep, comforting trust in each other.
Love is not a lifetime of looking into each other's eyes, love is a lifetime of holding hands and looking together in the same direction.
Gooey enough for ya? Yeah, I know... but it's true- and real...
2006-09-13 05:14:18 · answer #3 · answered by Megan S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How nice for you, are you really that yukky? What about this poor guy , doesn't he get a say? Tell him everything you said here and see if he wants to settle for you. You are not all that you know, in fact I find you quite ugly! Inside! I have never been where you are because I left anyone who I didn't love with all my heart. I found my love and so did the men I didn't choose or didn't choose me. Everyone has that right.
2006-09-13 01:51:46 · answer #4 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well when you do find true love you will know the rest of the world you stop to exist and all you will think about is him you will want nothing more then to be near him you should wait money is very important in life but when you find true love money will mean nothing to you then you will have kids and see that is a different kind of love it is unconditional love
2006-09-13 00:44:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"i feel in love with you so strong after i meet you the first time i came there to see you...
you were everything i have ever been looking for,
i made my mind up i wanted to marry you
you are perfect..."
this are the word my husband told me... that what he meant love was.. no one can really tell what true love is.. but just describe it... it comes with hardwork and communication...
2006-09-13 01:24:00 · answer #6 · answered by kim B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
loyalty, faith, devotion, understanding, punchuality togther means true love
2006-09-13 01:04:15 · answer #7 · answered by Alok B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋