What do about 12 year old that is lying & stealing, & father believes her?

Question

I am not her mother, her father just won custody of her, she has lived with father & I for 2 years. I found out through a friend that she just lyed to her father, he has yet to tell me of this. No discipline was given for that lie ( she charged ringtones on her fathers cell phone and denied she she did it)

Answer 1

Are you the stepmother? If you are, that's unfortunate because it will just turn into a you against her thing and he will be forced to choose who to believe. This sounds unbelievably cruddy but you'll have to catch her somehow to prove it to him. Not just to vindicate yourself but because if she is acting like this already, that can lead to worse behavior later. I know; I was that way. I grew out of it but only after being in jail and all kinds of stuff. I had a baby at 16 and that wised me up. It doesn't always though and I would say you should avoid it if possible. It sounds awful to say you should set her up somehow but you would really be doing her a favor in the long run. Where does she steal? From your purse? Can you set up a camera? Does she lie about where she'll be? Send Dad to get here when you know she won't be where she said she would. Help him not to be blind. Too many kids are ruined by parents who refuse to see them for what they are and help them when they should. It's called tough love because it's hard on you and them but it's necessary and it could save her before she goes down a bad road.

Answer 2

This is a real hard one.There is no way to solve this problem without someone geting hurt over this mentally.A trap needs to be set for them to where you have actual proof that she is stealing.If it is money from your purse an example of a trap here would be to record all serial #'s from dollars and bust her the next day or secretly put a video cam on her.If she is stealing from a store then you need to inform the manager to watch out for her and take all possible action when she is caught. once you have proof then you can try to talk to her and her father and try to stop her before she gets older and gets into more trouble.You have to stand firm and let her know that she is on her own if she gets into more trouble and that she will loose all respect and trust that you have for her if she dos not try to help herself.The next step is to get her some counseling to where she can learn to fight these urges to steal.

I do not mean to sound cruel or rude about it but most that start out lying and stealing at a young age and do not get stopped soon will develop into more major things and alot of them are eventually going to find themselves behind bars.If she is taught a lesson soon then maybe at her age,there is a little hope for this to not happen to her.

good luck and god bless

Answer 3

First off, becareful what role you play in this situation. If you're a family member, then it shouldn't be too hard to convince him. If you're a girlfriend, or friend, then be very weary and have your proof without a doubt. Don't leave room for doubt if you give him the truth. Also, depending on your relationship w/the little girl, you might want to talk to her and remind her that "lying makes you enemies and that as soon as people see that you lie, they will not believe you from then on and will think you are not a person of your word". Remind her that she will lose loyal friends because of that, but will start making friends with people that will be backstabbing and liars themselves.

Answer 4

Keep strong and remain consistant. the Father is in denial that this could be happening. Not his little girl!!! You may have to come up with the proof yourself to show him. Warning, he may become defensive, so remain calm for the both of you. Obviously she is lacking some attention somewhere to actually be turning towards lying and stealing. Time for a family meeting and for mom and dad to be prepared by getting on the same page. teamwork...form an alliance but also show her you still love her unconditionally, but this behavoir is not going to be tolerated and there will be consequences for her actions. For every action there is going to be a reaction, just pray for the positive outcome. Good luck

Answer 5

This situation requires immediate attention. her father may be in denial. who would want to believe that their child is lying and stealing? In addition, your child is about to face puberty.
Communication is essential. Your child also needs to closely monitored. Do you check your child's homework?
Have you met any of her friends?
What does she do after school?
many schools have organizations that provide assistance to students who may be at risk of dropping out of school or participating in negative activities.
Contact your child's school. Don't give her real name or yours just make an inquiry.
Some children act out to get attention.
You should remind your child that a person that lies and steals needs help. She may need counseling.

Answer 6

You really need to talk this through with the father,and try to find some proof be fore you do,or get the three of you together then provide the proof and see how she defends herself then,if it's solid proof she won't have a leg to stand on.i wish you good luck with this

Answer 7

You and your husband need to put up a united front on this one. He needs to realize that your child is doing these things and then confront them with it gently. My oldest son had been doing the same thing and was convinced himself that his lies were the truth. I had to do lots of questioning with others to get the truth, then confronted him with the information I had. Finally, he realized that as a parent, we know when they are being dishonest. Good Luck!

Answer 8

I really feel for you. I was married for 13 years w/ 3 kids. divorced because of cheating. we stayed apart for 2 years and I forgave him after he forgave himself and we remarried. I dated and they all tried to "fill in" as dad. Sweety your role in this family is to support him and how he chooses to handle his child. BUT YOU DO have the right to COMMAND RESPECT from this child. Talk to him. Dont attack his child, just show the concern for her. Lying now can lead to bigger things that could harm her in the future. Good luck, you are in my prayers

Answer 9

You have to let show him where she is lying. Just catch her in one and let him know, it is up to him if he wants to have a child that lies and cheats, or does he want to correct her. It is up to him, but you can help.

Answer 10

talk to here