We have a son together and he is 1 and my daughters and us all live together, yet he tells other lies like "we are a family"....yes true but ...he says I will never ever ever marry you ever. I am 38 and I find that being married to him and having our family very important and he says it is not important to him and that I love him more than he does and says stuff like if you did not love me as much or did not beg me for sex then maybe I would just maybe I would get married...but to be honest he tells me that he is never ever going to marry me. He was engaged to a really nice lady and she said yes to him but he was the one that broke it off and left her one day while she was at a store...I wonder if he is going to do that to me? I feel hurt and used and embarrassed because my family who is a very tarditional loving family asks me all the time so when are you 2 getting married?? I do not really say much but it makes me embarrassed because I have cousins that make fun of me.
2006-09-12 23:25:48 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This man is very selfish and self centered. You should not have to beg him for sex, number one. Any healthy relationship involves sex, unless there is a medical reason to prohibit it. Obviously, it is not a moral issue with him, as you have a child together already. Number two, YOU should be the light of any persons life. You deserve to mean the world to someone. Deep down inside most men want to find a woman that they can call wife. So his attitude toward marriage, especially considering that he's already been engaged, is directed toward you specifically.
dump this fool, and go out there and find that man that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. With his whole heart.
If you are having trouble finding someone, let me just say that I found the love of my life right here on yahoo. In the personals aisle!
I write a blog about relationship issues in my 360, feel free to check it out!
2006-09-12 23:47:06 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What does he think about the future? Does he think you 2 will always be together and be a family, just without marriage, or he doesn't want to commit? There's a difference. However, even in the first case, there is a possibility that he'll leave you for a younger woman in ten years, but he can do that even if you get married, so basically no one can give you an answer. Follow your heart. If he's a good father and "husband", you can take that into consideration. Or you can tell him that marriage is not a big deal, it doesn't change anything(since there is always divorce)but it is important for your family and the children, so maybe he could consider doing it for their sake and yours? Have a calm conversation, not hysterical or angry or grinding. It won't kill him!
2006-09-12 23:42:49 · answer #2 · answered by cpinatsi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with the same women for over ten years and we have two children together and we are not married, and we have no plans to get married any time soon. We don't believe in marriage because we don't need some piece of paper to qualify our love for each other, maybe the community would be happier if we were married, but some piece of paper doesn't change my love and dedication for my girlfriend. The only reason i would ever get married is for legal reasons only, but we both do not believe in marriage, it sounds to me that you want to get married so this is a different situation for you but i always tell my parents not to ask me about marriage because they will never see it.
2006-09-12 23:34:38 · answer #3 · answered by sincity usa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He gave you a straight answer. He was clear enough when he said NO. No is NO and there is no way to twisting that into anything else.
What really bothers me is when he saiys that you love him more than he does.
He is not only telling you that he won't ever EVER marry you, he's also telling you that his feelings are less strong than his.
He's telling you the thruth straight up.
You should make the decision to keep on tagging along and begging for love and attention from him until you are old and gray or starting over while you are still young and find someone that thinks that you are marriage material.
Good luck
2006-09-13 02:54:45 · answer #4 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have found this out before getting pregnant. Now, you will probably be a single mom with little input from the deadbeat dad.
If you want to be married, then you need to dump this guy to give yourself a chance with someone else. If marriage isn't important to you, then nicely say to your insulters "I'd rather be happily unmarried than unhappily married. Why jinx a good thing?" If they don't understand, then it's their problem, not yours. Be confident and eventually they'll get over it. If they don't, then avoid them and tell them why.
Good luck to you and make whatever decision will make you happiest in the long run.
2006-09-13 05:14:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason for him to marry you when he is already getting everything he wants with out a commitment. He meets a pretty girl tommarow he will be with her doing the same thing. Move out or kick him out. Just because you have a kid with him does not mean that you should enable him in your relationship. If you do not feel right not being married find a way that can make it happen, such as stopping the enabling.
2006-09-13 02:38:14 · answer #6 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should go - it's not healthy for your kids to be in a negative environment that has you upset all the time. The guy is out for a free ride - he gets all his needs met and has to do nothing in return. He's using emotional blackmail on you to make it seem as if it's your fault that you're not getting what you want when in fact what you want (being happily married to him) is not obtainable and never will be.
Either move out or get him to leave and move on with your life - don't sit around hoping it will improve - it won't but the only one who can make the change is you, so do it.
2006-09-12 23:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by weatherwax1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems that everyone has mentioned what he wants. Does he meet all of your needs in this relationship?
Is he a good father and companion? None of this was mentioned. You only talked about him not wanting to get married.
What looks good to you may not be good for you!
Do you know that this is what you want? Really....?
You need to make a very conscious decision about what you want in life and whether or not his needs and desires fit into that plan.
If they do, then by all means stay together. But if not, make a plan and move on.
You can't change other people but you can change your reactions to what people do.
2006-09-13 04:38:10 · answer #8 · answered by goldenlifev 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh....tough one..... there's kids involve..... for your problem, there really is no right or wrong solution...... but you got options..... you just gotta follow your heart..... Though if you really don't wanna stay in a relationship with him cause his never gonna marry you, don't let the fact that you two have kids to stop you from breaking up with him....... it's pretty much the same anyways..... it's like they don't have a real father cause you two aren't married...... if you broke up the only thing that'll change is that they won't be living with their father anymore...... you know what, who knows....... maybe after you two break up cause he doesn't wanna marry you he might start to realize how important you are to him and suddenly propose.... don't be a martyr..... his hurting by saying he doesn't wanna marry you..... even if you love him, he has no right or whatsoever to hurt you..... take some time.....reflect on what you really want..... listen to the voice thats within you heart..... I hope i helped..... good luck.....
2006-09-12 23:39:07 · answer #9 · answered by <--tsk--> 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this man shows commitment phobia. He has sex but he does not want marriage. I assume he is older than you and has managed to avoid marriage so far. He will never marry you and has told you he does not love you the way you love him. If I were you I would talk to a lawyer to arrange child support, then I would get out. Take your children , get your own house, pay your own bills, most important take some time to find out who you are. Your children deserve a Mom who is fulfilled in her life. After you know who you are then will be the time to begin dating and looking for a man who will respect you, love you, and marry you. Be true to yourself always.
2006-09-12 23:38:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋