You: 30-something step mom with no kids of your own. You supervise, do hours of homework, etc for 50-something husband's 5 kids b/c father works long hours/is never home/you are not currently working. Sometimes kids (Ages 10-14) do not answer when spoken to by you (but always hop to it when Daddy speaks to them of course). Example: You say OK time to stop playing and do homework..They ignore you. You call their names...they ignore you. You tell husband and he just says "I can't do anything about it! Stop complaining about my kids!" What should you do? 1) Let them continue and feel consequences b/c it only hurts them, i.e. they won't get homework help, medicine when sick, and so on. 2) Pick up belt and try to beat the living daylights out of them tho some r bigger than u? 3) Let husband deal with his own bad-azz kids because you are sick of being treated like YOU are a single-parent with three kids and HE is a single man with none when it's the other way around. 4) Or something else?
2006-09-12 20:22:19 · 10 answers · asked by zoe_southernusa 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Since your husband is not being supportive, do nothing. Let his kids mess up and not do their homework and stay up late. It's wrong of him to ask you to do all of these things and then accuse you of complaining about his kids. The kids are resentful towards you, most kids do resent the step-parent. It's up to your husband to discipline them and tell them that since he isn't there they need to do what you say. Or he could cut back on his hours. You could go get a job then the ungrateful step-kids and your ungrateful husband won't be your main priority anymore. I hope that otherwise your husband is kind and supportive, if he's not then it might be time for counseling or for you to write this marriage off before you start to lose respect for yourself. Good Luck.
2006-09-12 20:33:58 · answer #1 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You took on a lot! How about trying counselling for you and anyone who will go?
As for bed time, meds, chores, etc.... you could have a chart to show who needs to do what, when. This would also include you- eg. availible to help with homework from 7:00 - 9:00, If they can't do their part- you don't need to do yours-- Help with homework, drive them, etc. -- those are all a bonus for them! My kids had to ask for rides, then write it in the day book, kept by the 'main phone area'. If they forgot to write it in the book - it wasn't allowed to happen - eg. no ride or sleep over. They soon learned to keep track of their own times etc. In the case of meds- if it wasn't life threatening to miss it - I would ask once if they took it. If not- they wouldn't be feeling so good- so they'll start doing it. Independence works both ways! Let the school deal with the homework that isn't done! It may seem 'cool' to not do homework, but the report cards don't look to pretty!!! And if the kid doesn't care, maybe they will, when they take it again! It's amazing how many kids need that lesson! Also, if they are in sports- coaches are usually pretty good about supporting good report cards..... the kids don't like getting dressed for the game or practise, and then have to do their homework while the team plays! (This usually works better than whipping the day-lights out of them!!!!) (Just joking about the whipping!)
I told my kids that if they wanted my help it had to be before 9:00 PM.... that was my time to quit everything for the day --- dishes, laundry, homework. Having a bath at that time - re-enforced that I was 'done for the day'!
I hope this helps.
Good Luck!
2006-09-12 21:16:57 · answer #2 · answered by Nick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the whole family needs counciling. Wife/Husband need to go now!!! Kids need to go once W/H get their **** together. Marriage is a two way street. If conditions are a discribed then there is a real problem that has never been talked about. I would suggest that wife talk to husband quickly and if husband says as above. Then wife should seek counciling by her self. Then if problem cannot be resolved then tell hubby that her attorney will talk with him next. Making it very clear he needs to make up his mind what he wants more.
2006-09-12 20:37:03 · answer #3 · answered by .*. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a real serious talk with Dad and these kids are in serious need of discipline.
There is absolutely no reason you should put up with this **** and I would not--and that is exactly what I would tell your husband. And if he was not cooperative I would make pretty specific plans to be out of there ASAP.
You kind of joke about the belt. I think when you talk with husband and hopefully he goes along with it--you both agree on using it pretty liberally. And don't worry about their sizes--Dad should tell the kids that if you decide to give them a spanking they damn well better cooperate in taking their licking or else.
I would DEMAND that level of support and authority. If you get it I think the problem will be solved.
2006-09-12 20:41:00 · answer #4 · answered by beckychr007 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think that you need to have a heart to heart with the kids and their mom. tell their mom that you are trying to be nice to them and that they should cut you some slack. try to be good friends with their mom and that will make them notice you. just be friends. also try to find a job of your own so they will know that you are not their "nanny'.then they will respect you. i always think that to get respect you should show respect too. sit with the kids and work out a routine were there is homework time and play time also.dont yell, shout and never beat. dont go crying to their dad. go crying to their mom instead. she will also want the best for her children.try to get her help.
2006-09-12 21:40:56 · answer #5 · answered by atahsina 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to have a serious conversation with your husband, and possibly some counseling for the two of you. If he won't go, you should get some for yourself for support in dealing with this situation.
2006-09-12 20:32:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if your husband ever wants his children to accept you then he has to step up to the plate and st them strait. im afraid that if you do then they will only resent you more. after all ...in their eyes your the woman that their father married who isnt their mother.
you need to make him aware of how you feel? you know what????? if hes not willing to look at your feelings then whats the good of it. im on the oppisite end from you. I have 2 sons and in remarried and so is my ex. i respect my exes new wife...we get along good and communicate. and my ex is respectful of my husband. our boys see that and they understand.
dont blame the kids. its their biological parents that need to end it.
2006-09-12 20:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by eightieschick70 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your Husband have to set rules. They are not taking you seriously. You have to take a firm stand or this marriage is doomed. Good Luck you can do it
2006-09-12 21:36:42 · answer #8 · answered by blank 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of the mentioned things, without the belt.
2006-09-12 20:32:28 · answer #9 · answered by Kelly K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#4...Explain to your hubby that this is NOT acceptable behavior, and he needs to back you up. If he can't get that through his thick head, than mabey it's time to trade him in on a new model......
2006-09-12 21:40:09 · answer #10 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋