My wedding is in 9 weeks. My bridesmaids need to order their dresses at least 6 weeks before the wedding. The thing is, they all need alterations, and if they don't order their dresses by the end of the month, they won't have enough time before the wedding to have all of their alterations done. Two of my maids are out of state in college, one lives on the other end of the state, one lives out of state, and I'm not worried about the last one, she's good to go.
They've been waiting for the $20 discount that they get if I order my dress instead of buying it off the rack. Is it ok to politely tell them that if they don't order their dresses by 9/30, they can't be in the wedding? Because, honestly, if they don't order them soon, they won't get them in time for the wedding!!
2006-09-12 19:47:46 · 36 answers · asked by Bachman-ette 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't mean literally "force", I just mean can I set a deadline?
2006-09-12 19:57:54 · update #1
I can't pay for the dresses, which is why I haven't ordered them on my own.
2006-09-12 20:36:17 · update #2
i know exactly how you feel. why are stressing yourself out? this is your day and as badly as you want your girls to be a part of your day, forget about it. if they cannot make haste and relieve you of unnecessary stress...........hopefully they will come around. what you can do, if you haven't done so already is notify them again either by phone or mail that way they can't say "i didn't know". that should nip that in the bud b/c if they do not order their dresses in a timely fashion, like you said, they will not be in the wedding. enjoy this time b/c it only happens once and that is something you shouldn't concern yourself with. you know they say that this is the time you know who will come through for you when you need them. think about it. good luck and congrats!!!!!!!!
peace
2006-09-13 13:24:57 · answer #1 · answered by Wonder Woman 2 · 9⤊ 3⤋
If you haven't ordered your dress yet, and have been telling them about the discount you can't force them to order their dresses. If it's a big concern for you, then I would suggest either pitching in the $20 for them or having them buy their dresses elsewhere or pay you back for them as well. You can tell them that if they don't get the dress they aren't in the wedding, but do you really want to step on toes and break friendships for $20 a piece? Most alterations take 1-2 weeks to do, depending on how busy they are. Rule of thumb is to have your dress done at least 6-8 weeks prior to the event,and have the final fitting done 1-2 weeks prior and you are cutting that dangerouly close, especially since something can happen in the ordering and shipping process (delays in warehouse)
2006-09-13 04:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Call them now to remind them that the deadline for ordering is 9/30. Then gently tell them that you will not be ordering from the same store. Offer to reimburse the $20 for each girl if you can, that shouldn't put too much of a strain on you. Apologize for any misunderstand that they had about ordering with you. Make it sound like it's all about them, you are only concerned about how they will look in the dress, you want them to be happy with the dress, etc...
"Hi (insert name). I was wondering if you had ordered your dress yet? No? You'll need to order it soon so that you have plenty of time for the fittings. No, I'm sorry, I am not getting my gown from (store). I found one already (or I am getting one) from another store. If you like, I can give you the $20 extra cost. I'm sorry for the mix-up. Go ahead and order it now and I'll put the check in the mail. I don't want you to get stuck in a poor fitting dress", or a wrong size, or whatever you choose to say.
You don't need to threaten them with being taken out of the wedding, they should get the hint and order their dress after you talk to them.
Then a week or so later, call to make sure that they got the check in the mail, and ask again about the order. If they still haven't ordered, then start with the threats. Let them know that you are on a time limit here, and you need them to either have their dresses on order or step down. Make sure you have one or two other women in mind that could take their place.
Your time line should look something like this:
First Call 9/13 to 9/16, ASAP so that you have plenty of time for the rest as follows.
Second Call 9/20 to 9/22, giving them plenty of time to get your check and place their order.
Call other women if needed 9/23 to 9/28, giving them at least 2 days to place their orders.
Good Luck!
2006-09-13 06:20:49 · answer #3 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand what the problem is. From what I can remember all you girls are supposed to go in to pick out the dresses and get measured. Put a down payment down to get the dresses ordered. You don't have to pay for the dress entirely just to order it. Usually they won't do alterations on it until it's paid for. (Call the shop that you are planning to order the dresses through and double check) If that's the case, then set a date to get all the girls in there. If you want them to be ordered by a certain date then you need to say okay, on 9/30 at 11:00 AM ALL of us need to meet at the bridal shop for a fitting. You need to have X amount of dollars on that day. And that's that. What I don't understand is why haven't you ordered your dress. What are YOU waiting for?
2006-09-13 12:57:27 · answer #4 · answered by fiestyredhead 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have an equal # of bridesmaid to groomsmen? This is what most people do for their weddings to have "pairs" walk down the aisle during the ceremony. Tell them that there is a deadline for the dresses. If they wait too long and can't get the dress in time, there will be an unequal # of bridesmaids to groomsmen - and the extra groomsmen may not be able to return their tuxes.
They really should have bought the dresses already. If they can't afford to buy their dresses, they should have told you ages ago. It's okay to be firm with them - you have to be - there is only 9 weeks left!
2006-09-13 06:32:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I believe you are well within your rights to expect them to order the dresses as soon as possible. However, please don't be hurt if some of the maids decide not to do so. Times are tough for many people and an expensive dress for a one time occasion to some, may be the money for a gas bill. Also, it would be good to explain the same to them as to say, I love you and want you here with me but we have deadlines to meet and I need you to follow through. Please do not get your feelings hurt if I need to all to do this but I have to have them ordered in time.
If someone is not able to do so and you cannot assist financially, how about allowing them to be a server or be involved in another way in the wedding. That way they are included but not financially strapped...
Good luck and best wishes...
2006-09-13 17:06:02 · answer #6 · answered by I love the flipflops 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I would politely set a deadline and whoever doesn't order in time obviously will not have a dress. Without threatening I am sure it would be understood that without proper attire they could'nt be bridesmaids. Couldn't hurt to have some back up bridesmaids to order dresses. That way your friends that don't order in time can still have a place somewhere else in the wedding.
2006-09-13 16:59:08 · answer #7 · answered by BURGIN24 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Those 9 weeks will fly by!
Here are just a few things to think about in relation to the whole wedding. Hopefully it will help put things in perspective and you will be able to come up with a solution that works for everyone.
Let me start out by saying I am married and when I got married I had pretty definite ideas about what I wanted my wedding to look like. But I always tried to balance that with a consideration for cost, both mine and my bridesmaids. Now that I have been married for a long time and have some perspective on both sides of the situation I have learned some things are more important than others and solutions are often right in front of your nose!
What type of wedding are you having? Is it a huge church wedding, a simple reception, on the beach, in the park? Is there an off-the-rack dress that would give you the look you want that wouldn't require alterations and would be available at a store like Nordstrom or Macy's that is all over the country? Or is it possible for each of the girls to find a dress in the color you want but that would be in a style she likes and can afford? One of the nicest wedding receptions I've been to did this. Each of the girls in the family and wedding party had on the color the bride chose so you knew who was in the wedding party, but each girl had a slightly different dress that worked well for her shape and size. This made a nice uniform look but kept any of the girls from looking like a total frump in a dress that didn't work for her. You can also tie the looks together with matching accessories such as earrings.
If there is no way you want to go with an alternative dress, you may want to have a heart to heart with your bridesmaids and tell them that you totally understand if the cost of the dress is going to be a burden and you would rather have them be there on the big day and celebrate with you than be sweating the cost of a dress. Let them be honest with you and if they say please let me out of the wedding, be gracious enough to let them out. I don't know how much the dresses cost, but a lot of times people will say yes and not really think it all through including the cost to travel, the dress, the shoes, etc.
As a last resort you may want to see if you can find the dress at another retailer for a cheaper price. Try a Google search.
What does your mom say about all of this? She may not want to say anything to you about the situation, but you may want to ask her advice.
Yes, this is your day. But think about what the day is really about. Is it all about dresses and flowers and cake and chicken dinners? Or is it about making a vow and commitment to the man you love and starting a new life with him? I know you want the day to be nice, but try to put things in perspective. No matter what happens in terms of dresses or flowers or food, the most important thing is that you love your fiance and he loves you and you are marrying him!
Good luck!
2006-09-13 12:57:14 · answer #8 · answered by S V S 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well technically, you can't force them to do anything. they're participating because they're your friends and they love you. I understand where you're coming from, don't get me wrong. maybe you can go ahead and order your dress so they'll quit lagging about ordering theirs. however, if you push them too much be prepared that they may just say nevermind and that they don't want to be in the wedding. the same thing could happen if you give them a deadline and say they can't be in it if they haven't ordered by a certain date. just be prepared and be gentle with them. i remember how stressful it was getting my wedding together, it's not going to be easy. i would suggest having some extra bridesmaids on standby just in case. one other idea i just had, could you order the dresses for them and have them pay you back??
2006-09-12 19:54:51 · answer #9 · answered by kiki 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you can! It's your day, and you've got enough to worry about! Don't take on more than you have to- it's their responsibility to get these dresses. Send a polite note or email to them all saying their dresses have to be ordered by the end of the month or you'll have to assume they don't want to be in the ceremony. They'll get on the ball. You have to realize, they have a lot to think about as well. If two of them are in college, they've got a full load too! Just remind them, tell them it would make you much more relaxed, and I'm sure they'll respond.
2006-09-12 20:39:01 · answer #10 · answered by stephhp116 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So whats holding YOU from ordering YOUR dress so that they can order theirs?? I mean, if it'll save them the money ( and trust me, in college, EVERY stinking DIME counts!! BEEN THERE and a friend going " OOOH, be my bridesmaid!" Is a sweet thing to hear but it can sure hurt the pocket book in travel , dress costs, havin' to buy YOU a gift costs, having to throw you a party costs, shoe costs, and a dozen other things. Have you ever thought that Maybe , between books and tuition and car maintainance and rent and FOOD at school, they might not HAVE the 20$ right now when You demand it?? Don't be a Bridezilla, get their sizes, order the dresses ( and don't be mean, pick nice ones..nothing worse than an ugly bridesmaid dress. Don't be cruel, honey. )and let them pay you back. That'll settle YOUR nerves, get THEM off of the hook and everyone can sit back and have a beer before the REAL hectic stuff starts!!
2006-09-12 20:02:26 · answer #11 · answered by heatherlovespansies 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋