i've been dating my bf for 5 years, and for some reason im afraid to tell jokes, dance or even be funny around him. I know he would'nt look at me any different but I have low self - esteem and don't know how to get loose. When were together i'm always up tight and i want to have fun and enjoy each others time. How can i change this?
2006-09-12 19:22:14 · 17 answers · asked by Ultimate Diva 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
without being intoxicated
2006-09-12 19:25:49 · update #1
He accepts me the way i am, but i want to loosen up. i want to enjoy life and im not. he's no jerk
2006-09-12 19:32:00 · update #2
hey u remind me of myself when i was in a relationship with this guy 2 years ago.
for myself , i felt that i was in constant need to impress him n not to make an embarrassment of myself. that's why i dun tell jokes or dare to dance in front of him for fear of wat he might be tinking about me in his mind.
i feel it very important that his impression of me is good all the way throughout the relationship. whereelse when i go out with my girlfrens, i really let loose n i was different from when i behave when i am with him.
than one day, when i was hanging out with my girlfrens n some of their boyfrens for some drinks at a club, he came to join us. by the time he came i has already loosen up n was in a really hyper n my usual cocky self when i was with my girlfren. but when my boyfren came i was all quiet n reserved again. i noticed the change in myself. so that night i decided i cant keep doing this any longer.
if he really love me for who i am he shld know the real me. so that night i was my normal, cocky self. i danced the night away but i try so hard not to so much as even glance at my boyfren coz i dun wana know wat he tinks of me.
at the end of the night, he told me he like me better when i am with my frens. he love my new-found personality that he never knew i had in me. that's how i changed.
mayb u could invite him on a night with people u are comfortable with to do all ur wacky self. when he see how much fun u are having, mayb he'll like ur new-found personality too. it's not a matter of low self-esteem here. u just need the right kind of people that u are comfortable with to let loose.
u wouldnt know. try it. good luck.
2006-09-12 19:34:44 · answer #1 · answered by keira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find it a bit ironic that the "ulimate diva" is dating this man and asking this question.
Dear the reality check has arrived- time to pay up!
Be who you are! If this man loves you for that great! If not, which you already know is the case, then its time to move on and find the pride and power in yourself to move to a better man.
Time is not the measure of a good relationship, its just a unit of measurment. Stop wasting your life on unhappiness when its so short. Its okay to not be the "right" one for each other. Be at peace and end it well. Bless each other with happiness and go on your ways. If you have kids then, more will need to be done.
Good luck. You already knew the answers, and just needed a honest GF to tell ya the facts.
2006-09-12 19:36:48 · answer #2 · answered by Denise W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.I don't know what he's like at all, but you should be more comfortable around your guy than almost anyone else you know-especially if you've been in a relationship for that long. it's a good sign that you recognize that you have low self-esteem. I would recommend getting counseling, because it sounds like you're very uncomfortable in just being yourself: it's possible you have depression or some other medical condition. if you find that you are too nervous to talk to your guy about your problem, call a depression helpline.
2006-09-12 19:29:34 · answer #3 · answered by notbreda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen girl... you are obviously afraid of him. if after five years you can not let loose and have fun.....
i dated a guy and we married. it was a short marriage. but anyways. there was a side to me that he new nothing about. if he knew i was a total goof ball and liked to have fun and act stupid and do silly stuff he would have never tolerated it.
so around him i was this boring person. but when i was with my friends. i let loose and laughed and had a good time. try being married to a man that you could not laugh or have a good time with. i know what your going through, and it will not get any better.
he is the one stopping you from having a good time. he must be a jerk if you are afraid to have a good time. mine was a jerk. do not blame this on you. it is him. he is the one that is preventing you from having fun. you are scared of him or what he might think. he may not be the type to have fun or the kind of fun you like. and if after five years you can not be open with him, let it go and move on....
2006-09-12 19:28:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. You just have to look at it as you need to be the real you in public and if he doesnt like it then you can find someone who does. Dont be afraid to be yourself and let loose. You only live once so just have a good time before your time is up. Never regret anything that once made you smile. Be spontaneous. Be real. You love him he loves you. If he loves you then why should you worry about what anyone else thinks. you dont need to impress anyone but yourself. Just have fun and be care free once you do it it becomes addictive. JUST GO FOR IT!!!!!
2006-09-12 19:28:24 · answer #5 · answered by Care Bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well my advice would be to firstly tell your boyfriend how you feel while also reassuring him that he has done nothing to affect this and secondly would be to start slow. i wouldn't start doing all this stuff in one day because you wouldn't feel comfortable and then you would be more likely to retreat again. hire some funny movies and start laughing out loud or telling your boyfriend when you think something is funny. once you feel comfortable with this go on the internet and find jokes or buy some joke books and ask him to read the jokes and tell you which ones he thinks are funny. then when you feel comfortable with this then you can start telling jokes. you have been together for 5 years so he obviously loves you. good luck.
2006-09-12 19:32:14 · answer #6 · answered by burn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel that you are unable to do these things around him? Figure out the answer to that question and then decide how important it truly is...
Why are you still with him if he does not make you feel comfortable? Also, if dating him for 5 years does not increase your self-esteem somehow, then I think you should end things.
2006-09-12 19:29:00 · answer #7 · answered by bunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 years? god i would have dumped you in a month!
Perhaps you cant tell jokes because you have no sense of humor, and you cant dance. Eaither step up to the plate and make the decision to stop being emotionally handicapped, or accept things the way they are.
2006-09-12 19:24:22 · answer #8 · answered by digital_massage 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just relax he obviously loves you ya ll have been together for about 5 yrs just be yourself be happy have fun don't be uptight let him know the REAL you me im the same way with the dancing part but i love to joke around with my man he has to take it easy too its not just you maybe there is something you think your gonna do wrong and he might not like it just try it out see how it works for you K don't stress it
2006-09-12 19:31:40 · answer #9 · answered by jnstoner420 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do something that really scares you. Go out with him and be the fit=rst person on the dancefloor, something like that. If you just do it once then you will know that there is nothing to worry about in the future.
sometimes I think you gotta just jump in no matter how scary it is.
2006-09-12 20:48:23 · answer #10 · answered by jonny_nowhere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋