Do you have any good bartender jokes?

Question

10 pts for the best.

Answer 1

a native walks in the bar and up to the bartender and says
a drink for u and a round for the house
ok, thats $23.50, sorry i got no money
so the bartender throws him out the door
next day, same native, same bartender, same bar
walks in says, "1 for u and 1 for the house"
ok, thats $34.20, sorry i got no money
well the bartender punchs him out and throws him out the door
next day, same bar, same bartender, native goes in and says to the bartender
round for the house plz, bartender says" what no drink for me"

native says


no sorry, you get too violent when you drink!


hope u like it

Answer 2

A guy walks into a bar and sees a man who is one foot tall playing a piano in the corner, so he asks the bartender what that's all about. The bartender tells him, "Ask the genie over there for a wish and see what happens."
The "genie" is this decrepit old man, but our guy goes over anyway and asks him for a million bucks. All of a sudden, the bar is full of a million squawking ducks.
The man runs back to bartender and asks, "What the he--ll?
The bartender replies" "I forgot to tell you--the genie is hard of hearing--do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"

A man walks into a bar with his dog and tells the bartender--"I have a talking dog!" and of course the bartender says "yeh, sure."
But the man insists--"Just watch." and he says to his dog:
"What is the texture of sandpaper" and the dog say "ruff."
"What is the outside of a tree called?" and the dog says "bark."
"What do you say when you are hurt?" and the dog says "Owwww."
"Who was the best ballplayer?" and the dog says "Ruth."
Well, the bartender has had enough and he throws them both out of the the bar. As they are rolling in street, the dog looks at his master and asks: "Dimaggio?"

Answer 3

A guy walks into a bar with a tiny man sitting on his shoulder. He orders a drink and the bartender serves him. Suddenly the tiny man jumps up and runs down the guys arm and kicks his drink over. Then he runs back up the guys arm and sits down on his shoulder.The guy apologizes to the bartender, tells him he'll pay for the drink, but to set him up again. So the bartender gives the guy a fresh drink, and again the tiny man runs down the guy's arm and kicks over his drink. Then he runs back up his arm and sits down . The bartender says to the guy, "Hey, what's up with your little friend?" The guy says, "Well, I found an old silver lamp, so I took it home and started polishing it. Suddenly a genie appeared from inside the lamp. He said, " I grant you one wish, what shall it be?" So I wished for an 8 inch prick--and here he is!"

M

Answer 4

No....but I have a good blonde joke....

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No.........not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Answer 5

A woman walks up to the bartender. She's real sexy and beautiful. Anyways, she suddenly but lovingly grabs the bartender by his cheeks with her hands and seductively rubs her palms and fingers on his face, beard and moustache. She even uses her finger to trace the outline of the bartender's lips. The bartender starts to feel horny and smiles at the lady.

Bartender: "Miss, is there anything I can do for you?" (shaking)

Sexy Lady: "Yes...is your manager around?" (smiling)

Bartender: "No..."

Sexy Lady: "Well, can you give him a message?"

Bartender: "Sure. What is it?"

Sexy Lady: "Please inform him that there's no toilet paper in the ladies room."

Answer 6

A mexican walks into a bar, with afrog on his head. The bartender asks,what'll you have?? The frog says," A bud light" The bartender says "Wow,where did you get him??" The frog says,"He started out as a bump on my a**, and just kept growing"

Answer 7

Yes , I have.