Is there anything I can do, legally or otherwise?

Question

When I was young I was raped by my uncle. I wasn't in a position to do anything about it, and my mother chose to cut him out of our lives rather than go to the police. I'm an adult now, and just today I found out that he now has a wife and three children, and of course has never been punished for his crime. I can't live with myself knowing that because I couldn't do anything to stop it, he may be abusing three little children. Is there anything I can do to protect the children?

Answer 1

I sympathise with what you are going through, and strongly suggest you proceed very cautiously…
Unless you are able to prove that your uncle raped you… you would be strongly advised not to make any accusations that can be denied by him, and used legally against you.

Here is my suggestion…
Type a letter on a typewriter that can not be traced back to you.
Address the letter to his wife.
Include the following words…

Please respect my wishes to remain anonymous as I write this letter to you.

I believe it is extremely necessary to inform you that I have every reason to suspect that your husband may be ‘sexually abusing’ your children.

I appreciate that you would no doubt be shocked by the above statement, but I must implore you, for the sake of your children, to investigate the matter, by firstly talking to your children, and asking them if your husband has ever touched them in any way that may have made them feel ‘uncomfortable’; and secondly, by a making an appointment with a doctor who can determine whether anything sexual has happened to your children.

Irrespective of what your findings may be, I implore you to remain cautious, because even though your husband may not have done anything as yet, it is highly probable, that he will do so in the future.

I am very sorry to be upsetting you with this letter, but I am sure you appreciate how the welfare of your children is a major concern, and that my bringing the matter to your attention, is extremely necessary.

Please do not attempt to find out who I am…
Accept me as being a concerned friend !!!



Post the letter from a location away from where you live !!!

Answer 2

Oh wow, that's a tough one. If you are concerned for the children (and of course for your own memories) please contact a woman's rape crisis centre (or something like that) in your area. There you can discuss the situation with someone neutral. It's unfortunate your mother didn't press charges but, as an adult you have every right to bright this into the open. Some questions may be how old you and your uncle were at the time. Were you a child and him a late teen or adult? Regardless what he did may well be repeated and you are right to be concerned. Another thing may be to discuss this with Children's Aid, but if you don't have any proof that may be difficult to get anyone to act, or they may react too strongly. So, start with women's crisis centre and work from there. I do hope you are able to come to peace with this and to protect his children. It is awful how people like this get hidden from harm while children suffer in silence their entire lives. I do know a family like this (the adult children) and I do hope that there is a solution for eveyone's sake.

Answer 3

The reality is that if he did this once, he has probably done it more than once, and his children may indeed be in danger. The difficulty is knowing what to do about it.

There may be a support service for victims of child abuse in your area. If there is, that's where I suggest you start. Take their advice on what to do next.

If not, then I suggest your first action should be to confront your uncle. Take a good friend or partner with you so that you don't feel scared. Most of these men are cowards underneath, and if you can stare him down when he starts yelling at you, he will soon crumble. That will make you feel good and give you closure. Ask him straight out if he is abusing his children.

Once you have spoken to him, you may have a better idea of what you are dealing with and where to go next. If you are thinking of approaching his wife, don't do so unless you can take your mother, or someone else who knows about the attacks, with you. Her first reaction will definitely be not to believe you, so you'll need someone else to back up your story.

Answer 4

There is no time limit on child abuse. Report him now. It is not too late. And you will feel better knowing that he will be punished and those children protected. Who knows how many other children he has raped. Your mother should have gone to the police at the time.

Answer 5

Yup, go to your police station and come forward. They'll start an investigative process. It's better to be safe than sorry honey. You are doing the right thing, this man needs to be punished for his crime and prevented from committing any more. May God give you the strength to go through with this. I wish you well.

Answer 6

I don't know how long it's been and what the statute of limitations is in your state. I don't know if there's much you can do because in court you need proof, you can't just accuse someone of something. Maybe you or your Mom could inform his wife about it. I hope you've had some counseling to deal with this.

Answer 7

Yes, I think you can still do something about it. Call a lawyer about this issue, they will direct you the right way. The statute of limitations was dropped, you can go back beyond 7 years. Don't let it go on, you will feel very bad for something that is not even your fault. Do what your heart tells you.

Answer 8

Tell the police you are a adult know noone can stop you from doing it.Dont let him do anything like that anymore.There is help out there take it.Please dont be afraid.

Answer 9

well u can always send in a tip that happened to me my mother never wanted to go to the police because it was her best friend who did it im so very sorry for what u have gone threw but get in touch with ur local crimes division unit and give them a tip im sure they will go on it and check it out you will be in my prayers tasha

Answer 10

Sorry you went through that. Why don't you and your mother sit down and have a talk about this. Because it has been so long, and there wasn't any charges brought against him, it'll be your word against his. Since your mom believes this happened to you she is the one I would talk to first, and go from there.