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I have Mild, almost invisible Cerebral Palsey and refuse to associate with other disabled people. You wouldn't know I have it to look at me. Does this make me a disabled snob? I just want to be normal and get a normal guy and have a normal life including marriage. I mean, who digs the CP chicks?

2006-09-12 16:55:45 · 22 answers · asked by onlyenfpic 1 in Society & Culture Etiquette

I hsvre NO problem with the physically handicapped.

2006-09-12 17:09:04 · update #1

22 answers

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with your wanting to be treated normally. That's what everyone wants, and apparently your cerebral palsy doesn't make you far from normal at all; so as far as that goes (and maybe particularly because you do have some CP) I think you're wanting for yourself what is normal and fine.

When it comes to not wanting to associate with disabled people, though, I don't get that one unless you're far more insecure about your own mild CP than you realize. I can see you don't want to be in any CP groups or activities for disabled people, but I really don't get why you wouldn't associate with someone as a friend.
If you haven't met any young women with CP whom you find attractive as a girlfriend, that's how it is; but - again - I don't get "boycotting" all disabled people when it comes to all socializing (or working?)...

It strikes me that you may be doing the same thing some overweight people (especially women) do, and that is that they really, really, have no use for other people who are fat. Its as if they hate their own fat so much they hate it even more, and understand it even less, when it comes to other people. Even more often one may run into the formerly heavy person who has had his ego boosted by losing weight and who seems to need to boost that ego further by looking down on those who haven't lost weight.

Normal or almost normal or not, I can't help but wonder if you've come to hate the thing that stands between you and completely normal so much you cannot overcome that when it comes to other people. Another thing could be like the kind of thing that goes on with special ed classes in schools: There may be a bunch of children with obvious disabilities and then one or two who have disabilities that don't show outwardly. The latter children can come to resent the group they're in because if they weren't in that group nobody would consider them (the mildly disabled) as anything but normal. People don't so much worry that others' disabilities will "rub off" on them, but they can worry that they, themselves, will come to be lumped in with any particular group they hang out in.

I don't think you're a snob. I think you have "issues".

People have a right to not find anyone they meet attractive as far as dating goes. Some people don't find someone too tall attractive, someone else doesn't find too short attractive, someone can't stand heavy, and someone else doesn't mind it as much. If there are young women (or men) who have severe Cerebral Palsy to the point where they struggled to be understood when they speak and can't move very well or maybe even have to have someone else move them; there's a good chance they are well aware that the world doesn't seem that in the same way it sees someone like Britney Speares (sp?). The young woman who doesn't have a handicap but doesn't have the shape or hair or face of someone like Britney Speares knows the same thing.
In other words, people know when their appearance comes across as sexy or not. I'm sure that while there may be some very attractive young women who happen to have CP to one degree or another there are many who have it so severely it does affect how "gracefully" they come across to people. I suspect, too, this is something they have had to come to terms with in addition to whatever other issues must be dealt with in the life of a person with CP.

You wish to be normal is normal, and even the apparent issues you have with not wanting to hang out with disabled people are kind of understandable; but I think your remark about "CP chicks" is misguided and kind of mean toward the CP people other than you. As a non-disabled person, I grew up with a disabled cousin; and - honestly - I never thought much about it or saw her at all differently as a human (other than to know she was in a wheelchair and there would be no riding bikes when she and I were playing together, which was fine). You may want to ask yourself if you "crummy attitude" when it comes to associating with disabled people may be more about negative feelings about yourself than about them.

Not every couple who gets together got together because one person thought the other was a perfect physical specimen. People get together because they find out they like each other and have something special between them. Don't be too quick to assume anything about who might "dig the CP chicks". You may be surprised. Sometimes intelligence and/or a kind spirit are the things that make someone attracted to someone. Very often, without at least the kind spirit a person isn't likely to attract anyone at all, no matter how much or how little that person is disabled.

(I didn't intend to have my answer come across as a lecture, but there's just something kind of disturbing about some of the things you say.)

2006-09-12 18:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 1 0

When does this come up? Are they pressuring you to join their club? They have a separate float in the parade?

Just kidding. I hear you. Short answer: NO.

Maybe because so many dumb-a**es out there think that all people with CP also have intellectual disabilities, you don't want to have to go around "proving" you're not "retarded".

Or you simply don't want to be labeled, be defined by, a disability. Who would? Probably not many of those people who would have you think you're "in denial" or some crap.

You're not responsible for the prejudices out there, you're just trying to cope with 'em. You probably associate with people who are like you in some other way; funny, or smart, or shy, or geeky.

Oh, and that "perfect" chick across the room? Yeah, she's totally normal. Except: She cuts herself with a steak knife while her mother's at work. Or can't tell time on a clock with hands. Pukes to be thin. Failed her driver's test 3 times because she can't figure out where her bumper is. Still wets the bed. Always has to flip the light switch 3 times. Or pronounced it "Pasketti" til she was 14.

2006-09-13 05:43:40 · answer #2 · answered by parsnipianna 7 · 1 0

No, you are not a snob. You don't have to advertise to the world that you have CP. There is nothing wrong in wanting to live a normal life. As long as you treat disabled people with respect and dignity, I wouldn't consider you a snob.

2006-09-12 17:29:06 · answer #3 · answered by Izzy 5 · 1 1

You are only a snob if when you are introduced to someone you purposely treat them like less of a person. Which is not good regardless of whether you have a disability or they have a disability. If you just don't want to join support groups or participate in a organization etc because you don't want or need the support, that's not being a snob.

2006-09-12 17:09:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

I can understand you want to live a normal life and that is wonderful and why shouldn't you. But on the other hand why is hard for you to talk to other people that has disability they also want to be treated like a normal person as well. so yes your a snob when it comes to that

2006-09-12 17:06:22 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs Magoo 4 · 2 0

And what are wrong with disabled chicks- ever heard of Marlee Matlin- she's deaf and a very good actress, mother and wife.

Yes I think you are a snob, in fact it's reverse discrimination you're practicing. You look down on other disabled people because you haven't accepted yourself.

Won't matter if you're abled bodied or disabled with your attitude you aren't going to attract much of anything except the shelf. Get over yourself. And I say this as another disabled person!

2006-09-12 17:05:37 · answer #6 · answered by Lizzy-tish 6 · 2 2

You're not a snob, but you could be wasting a chance to educate others about your illness. i.e., helping kids in schools and hospitals see that you CAN live a normal life with this illness. You could use your knowledge for good.

2006-09-12 18:50:28 · answer #7 · answered by Shez 1 · 1 0

yes you are! you are so afraid of what you could be or could have been that it makes you ugly! You can get hit by a bus and end up in a wheel chair...hmmm would you see things differently than....? We are all human and never know what the next hour will bring, get off it! NO I'm not disable..

2006-09-12 17:06:58 · answer #8 · answered by latina44572002 2 · 1 0

Hm. It's difficult to say what's going on here, because you didn't say why you don't associate with disabled people. Obviously you are aware that disabled people are discriminated in our society, and it seems that you don't want to associate with them because you don't want to be discriminated. However, do you think that discrimination is right? I don't, and I hope you think that's unfair to. Why should you go along with a cultural practice that you think is wrong?

Imagine, for a moment, that you weren't disabled in any way, and you chose not to associate with disabled people because you were worried that guys might think you were one of them. How would that kind of a person strike you? It's no different if you do it now.

It seems to me that any guy that you would want to end up marrying should be trustworthy and nonjudgmental enough to handle something like knowing about your health status. Especially if you end up getting married, having kids, etc. the fact that you have cerebral palsy is going to come up sometime. So I don't really see the point of trying to conceal it from people. Besides, are you really interested in the kind of guys who would be so superficial as to reject someone because of their health condition? Thinking from the viewpoint of your potential husband, would you like to marry someone who refuses to spend time with disabled people? I can only speak for myself, but I'd like to find someone who is open to friendships with all kinds of people, and willing to help those who are discriminated and seen as "different".

One of my most treasured friends had spina bifida. Despite her disability she got a Master's degree and lived in many places in the United States, spreading good and touching many lives, including mine, with her incredible friendship. She had an enormous impact on me as far as the career that I've chosen and some of the ways I look at life. I think one of her most incredible qualities was the fact that she always focused on others, not her own pain, even though she was in pain basically every day of her life. I think her pain made her humble and gave her great empathy for the suffering of others. She remembered details of things that were important to me and when she told me that she loved me, I really believed it. I miss her (she passed away a few years ago) and look forward to the time after this life when we can see each other again. If I had refused to associate with disabled people, I would have missed out on this fabulous friendship. It seems to me that there are some incredible potential friends out there that you might be missing because you are staying away from them.

In short, I say live your life and be who you are. The right kind of guys are going to love you for the whole package, not stay away from you because of cerebral palsy. It seems sad to me that you seem to label yourself as a "CP Chick" because there must be much, much more to you than that. Wouldn't you rather be "the chick who sings really great" or "the girl that is kind to everyone" or "the girl who listens to people" or whatever your talent is?

2006-09-14 19:02:52 · answer #9 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1 0

I don't think you are a snob, you just don't want people to assume that because you hang out with others with a more severe version of your disability, that you are as severe, or as handicapped as they are. You want to be seen as an individual and not grouped up with a group that you feel you do not identify with. Since you are not as severe as the others, why would you feel you identify with them? And just because you have CP doesn't mean you have to hang out with other CP's, just don't rule them out simply because they have severe CP; that would be snotty. Try to feel comfortable with your abilities. You know the truth about yourself and don't let other people who might assume your capabilities bother you.

2006-09-12 18:36:32 · answer #10 · answered by zosoo7 3 · 0 2

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