My exhusband and I share custody of my older daughter though she prefers living with her father. She's been mad at me for over one year. Ever since she found out i'm pregnant with her sister, she started hating me. These are the exact words that came out of her mouth: "i dont want a fatherless MISTAKE as a sibling. i dont want any siblings at all. have an abortion."
I ended up keeping the baby and love her very much. Yes, she wasn't planned but that doesn't change my feelings for her.
Anyway, my daughter ignored me for a few months and every time i tried to talk to her, she started yelling at me. Our relationship has improved alot in the past 3 months. We are talking again but she is still very distant with me. How can i fixour relationship? my daughter is talking to me now but she hates her little sister. She told me straight up: "dont expect me to babysit her, i never will. i hate her. dont expect me to love her". i thought her opinions would change, but she still hates her sister.
2006-09-12 15:26:47 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I understand my older daughter. I understand that she feels bad that her father and I are not together and I know that she has never felt what it's like to be an older sister. I guess it's hard when you've been the center of attention your whole life and then, one day, you are no longer the center of attention but a new baby is. It's hard for her to accept that she is not a baby anymore and that her father and i are not together anymore. i do not criticize her because i love her and understand her but i want her to stop the hate.
also, how can i get her to love her baby sister?
it has been 8 months since she was born and she still doesn't like her. at the beginning i accepted that she hates her sister because i thought her opinions would change after she saw her sister and spent some time with her but its gotten worse! she refuses to even look over her sister for a few minutes while i am busy. what can i do?
2006-09-12 17:13:40 · update #1
She'll never admit to this but I think it's a little bit of jealousy brewing in your eldest's broken heart.She's probably been struggling since the separation of her parents and now--when she was just getting used to that change -- another one comes along .
She's been your only baby girl for most of her life.....now your loving care has to be shared. It's going to take time for her to adjust. And slowly, she is since she's speaking to you once again.
Just show her that she has in no way been replaced by the baby.
2006-09-12 16:14:54 · answer #1 · answered by ZEE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a very similar experience but my father had died and my mom had 3 babies 13 years after my dads death, I was furious, I tried running away and I hated my siblings. I looked at it as she didn't like me anymore i wasn't good enough. And also teenagers are most of the time very insecure,selfish and it is like they go through the terrible twos again. Giver her time and involve her in every thing even if you know she will reject you, just the knowing that you care will eventually sink in.
2006-09-12 15:46:06 · answer #2 · answered by tatabugg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is no magic solution to this. She has a lot of resentment and anger inside and you seem to be the one it is aimed out. I would suggest counseling for her to overcome her anger. This and a lot of time, could be 10 20 even 30 years will heal all wounds. It will probably take her being grown, experiencing life, having kids and making her own mistakes to get over it, though.
2006-09-12 15:56:33 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE TRY to understand her. She is a hormanal mess. Teenagers usually are. You should let her live with her father, give her some attention (send her a nice note in the mail once a week --with a little cash) and wait for her to grow out of it. SHE WILL, I DID. You should try to keep her away from the younger daughter so that the younger girl does not get hurt. IF the older girl will allow you to spend a little time with her (take her to lunch or dinner) do that without the other girl. PLEASE, PLEASE, just try to understand her and give her space until she is ready.
2006-09-12 15:38:20 · answer #4 · answered by sillyg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i tink u shd get her to watch a documentary.. as in how e bb develop in ur tummy.. e stages u n e bb go thru.. let her understand e pains u r having emotionally as she says all these to u.. make sure she noes dat while u r havin her, e stage u r passing thru nw both r e same..
due to e fact dat u n ur xhusband arent together anymre, pls understand also dat she is facing confusion.. and at e age of 15, she is facing e possibility of rebellin as tis is a passing stage for teenager.. let her feel ur love for her.. she may also b confuse like how u r feelin how..
good luck to u..
2006-09-12 16:17:28 · answer #5 · answered by judy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that. Sounds like she may be saying things her father says. Love your childern, but don't let her ruin you or your baby life. Hope when she grows up she will be kinder.
2006-09-12 15:37:20 · answer #6 · answered by Diana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. Keep working with her as you have been. Few people stay angry at their family forever.
2006-09-12 15:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by My Evil Twin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she can't deal with the fact that it really might be over between you and her father.....
2006-09-12 15:55:20 · answer #8 · answered by pink9364 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow your daughter sounds like a real bi-otch
2006-09-12 15:32:48 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Lemons 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋