When and how do I show/explain my scars?

Question

Want to give as little detail as possible if I may. Bottom line: not a happy kid, tried to commit suicide, outcome: scars on my wrist.

Whenever I meet a girl, I never know when to show them. If I leave it too late they moan that I should have said something sooner, then run; if I show straight away, they run a mile; if I don't show, they eventually notice them, and run faster. Am I destined to be single?

I'm not a nutcase, just had an unhappy and wayward childhood that's all. My past is just that.

Answer 1

Fortunately for you, there are girls and women out there who are still smart enough to separate the present from the past and the past from who you are. Love means looking into the person's eyes and feeling his heart. I understand how it could be a thing, but some women are a little more worldly and would be more concerned with who you are and how you are doing this evening in the now than what was sitting on top of your head back when you were fifteen. Take good care. Thank you for posting your question, because it emphasizes the importance os staying away from labels. If you label someone, the person who is stuck with the label is you. But you knew that. Be at peace. Chris, in South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. (I am 63 years old and I drank too much for awhile, but eighteen years ago I gave all that up for good. If I spot someone who is being thrown for a loop by any aspect of my personal history, I am suddenly on the lookout for wiser company to be keeping.)

Answer 2

I think I understand how you feel. I also had an unhappy childhood, I never tried to commit suicide, but I did used to cut myself. Things are really good now though and I try to make the best of everyday to make up for it!! I also have scars and although I think they stand out a mile, people don't seem to have noticed until I tell them. It really isn't an issue and I don't think you should dwell about it. When you meet the right person it will feel right when to tell them and that may never happen. As you say, it's in your past, maybe you want to forget about it or maybe your next girlfriend will be someone you want to share everything with and if they're right for you, they'll accept you no matter what!! There's more to you than scars xx

Answer 3

Why should you tell a girl straight away? Why tell a virtual stranger you dont know if you can trust into your deepest secrets and feelings? You have to earn that.
If its all in the past, then dont bring it up and make an issue of it.

If youve been with a girl for a while and she happens to notice, then explain.... then dont mention it again. If she "runs away" then she is not the right girl for you. If someone loves you, then they love all of you. You went through some bad sh*t, but you survived and came out the other side wiser and stronger. The right girl will recognise that in you.

See those scars as a symbol of your strength and survival.

I dont think you being single has anything to do with this.... it takes a long time for some of us to find the right person, thats all. Relax and dont stress.

Answer 4

I'm no great expert, but if this helps, use it. I knew a girl (not in the biblical sense, just a friend) about ten years ago who used wrist-slitting as an attention getting device. (If you cut the wrong way all you're going to achieve is a bill for a new carpet - otherwise you wake up in hospital with ugly nurses scowling at you).

I met a lot of guys that she was "interested" in and most of the time they ran a mile if she showed the scars early, but were more relaxed about it after they'd got to know her.

I guess it depends how obvious your scars are, and how difficult it would be to hide them if you wanted to.

Good luck, there's somebody out there for each and every one of us.

Answer 5

It's really no body's business but your own. When or if you chose to tell someone about your scars is your decision. I think that once you're in a relationship for a long time and you're comfortable with that person, maybe then you can tell them if you want to. If they really care about you, they will be understanding enough when you tell them about your scars and why you didn't tell them right away. It sounds to me like you've been telling girls who aren't caring or decent enough towards you. Lots of people who have had rough pasts have good families. So, it's not like it'll never happen for you. You just haven't told the right girl yet or met the right girl, that's all. There's someone out there for everyone. (In some cases two people for everyone, but you might have to pay extra...lol Just kidding...lol =)) Good luck to you. Hope this helped!!

Answer 6

Its your past and your private life,
Just because there are visible signs doesnt make it public property.
You are viewing the whole thing from the back foot angle!!
You have nothing to either be ashamed of silently, or to confess forcibly! Its up to you. Tell what you want when you want.
Many many teenage girls take overdoses, i'm sure THEY havent felt the duty to tell you on the first date(as if!!), or even the twenty first for that matter. Its just not relevant.
The stuff is more common than u realize, yet still you dont have to say owt. Reet lad. I know some guys who make a show of all their 'battle' scars like trophies. Dont bother...

Answer 7

I dont think you should need to draw attention to them unless you see her looking at them with interest, or she asks you outright. Its in the past and you have no need to explain yourself. Why would you have to say anything sooner - it sounds to me that these women that run away as soon as you explain your scars were never that interested in the first place - if someone likes you genuinely a scar will not be the cause of the legging it.
We all have secrets from our past - dont be worrying about it!

Answer 8

We all have scars, physical, mental, emotional. Sometimes the physical scars are the scariest to people because they can actually see them, yet it may be the mental or emotional scars that should scare them. I don't believe you are destined to be alone, you just haven't found the right one yet. If they can't accept the past they can't move on into the future with you.

Answer 9

I think its alright to show the girl ur scars and just tell her the truth! i think its better to be honest than to be hiding something from the girl. Most girls love a guy who's honest and someone who doesn't have anything to hide. All of us have a past that somehow wasn't as glorious as we wanted it to be but look where we are now! We've improved and we definitely won't make the same mistake twice. Just let her noe that. If she can't accept that then she ain't worth to be your girl but no worries she's one of the minorites. Most girl i noe are willing to see past ur past! so no worries dude. Keep ur chin high. Ur day would come!

Answer 10

Bottom line: if the girl runs when she sees your scars she's not worth it.

Let her in when you feel comfortable, tell her as much as you feel comfortable with.

There are people out there who aren't that shallow and who will accept you for you. They're just not as easy to find as one hopes/expects.