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I say uninvite because from my experience with my first birth family members just ASSUME they are invited. I basically want it to be just me, my husband, and daughter. We are likely going to do a homebirth, but in either case, how should I approach the situation? My own family realizes that we want our next birth to be a private affair because they have heard me complain enough times about how MIL crashed my first birth. She verbally said, "Yeah, I wouldn't want people there either" when we were casually talking about my upcoming baby's arrival, but she wanted a phone call when we went to the hospital. Announcing labor was OUR mistake because she took it upon herself to show up. I don't deal well with pain and discomfort when annoying people are hovering around me, so my feeling is we should just be upfront- "don't expect a phone call when we go to the hospital and we are doing a 2-week voluntary seclusion after to bond as a family, so we will call you when we are accepting visitors

2006-09-12 14:38:09 · 16 answers · asked by stylize1000 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting Parenting

I should add that I am not yet pregnant, but I want to be super prepared for that time. Part of my reluctance to have another child is not being able to do it on my terms, which means a private, intimate birth experience.

2006-09-12 14:39:41 · update #1

Yes, I definitely have the guts to be upfront about this because I have experience with knowing how annoying and frustrating it can be. What (hurt) puzzled me is the verbal confirmation that MIL wanted to be alone too when in birth, but yet, showed up anyway. Basically, the phone call was our biggest mistake. I thought she just wanted a heads up, I had no idea that she would crash the place.

2006-09-12 14:45:52 · update #2

bugsie- yes dh called his parents. He is on the same page with me now because he has outgrown the "please mommy" phase. Having a child of his own actually triggered all the memories of his own childhood that he hated- such as not being the favorite, not even being in the family photo when he was 1, etc. So, he finally is on board with me and is not concerned with being nice or accepted anymore.

2006-09-13 02:58:30 · update #3

bugsie- sorry for your daughter! Apparently these horror stories are all too common. Dh had a cousin and of course my MIL crashed that birth, which is why I swore I was never having kids, and also the cousin had to contend with several aunts and also her brother's NEW girlfriend's parents! She very BITTERLY described it to me. She has since had no more children, I wonder why?!

2006-09-13 03:02:45 · update #4

16 answers

sweety you just anwsered your own Question,Put it to her exactly like you said it here,You go Girlfriend and Move on with your Private Life and put that Woman in her Place!That was mean and Sellffish what she did at your first Birth,Maybe Mommy secretly jealous somebody took her Baby Boy away and She,ll always destroy and Alone Family Happy memories if she has chance!Don,t Let Her,Stand up for your Private life with your Husband,She,s not married to him you are,You go GirlFriend!Good luck!Hollywood!

2006-09-12 15:09:26 · answer #1 · answered by hollywood 5 · 0 0

Well, what I suggest is that when you find out your pregnant, And you start to tell people your pregnant mention it at the same time that with this pregnancy you are going to keep it private and just have your husband and daughter there when the baby is born. Explain that you want to have a week alone with your little family after the baby is born at that you will call them when your ready for some visitors.
I would try not to be rude when your telling them how this child birth is going to go. Don't tell them "not to expect a call when you go to the hospital" that sounds a little rude.
Just tell them it's going to be a private family affair that consist of your husband and daughter. Start telling them right from the start when you tell them your pregnant and everytime you see them, mention how your really looking forward to just having your husband and daughter there and making it private for a couple of weeks after the baby is born.
If you do have your baby in the hospital you can always tell your doctor and nurses that you dont want any visitors beside the two you chose and make sure they know how much that means to you. After the baby comes let them know you still don't want any visitors. They wont let anyone you don't want in there in. Now if your at home and you have the baby, if might be a little more difficult keeping them away. Just be ferm and nice. You have nine months to drill into your family's head what you want during the birth and afterwards.

2006-09-12 21:55:10 · answer #2 · answered by Tired-Mom 5 · 0 0

I would make a statement as the time for the birth comes up. Just call mil and family and let them know. The birth of your child is going to be a private family affair. Let them know when within 10 to 14 days after the birth you will call family members for a meet the baby party. I would allow your husbands parents and your parents to come within the first couple of days of the birth. It might cause a lot of hurt within the family if you make them wait 2 weeks. But Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends.... They can wait.

2006-09-12 21:46:58 · answer #3 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 1 0

talk honestly and warmly with your MIL. Tell her that while the birth of your first child included the extended family, this next one will be more intimate.

Then, don't call (announce) until after the baby has been born and don't answer the phone. If she persists in quizzing you, let her know that you were serious and that it is not a choice about her but about you and your birth experience.

Additionally, make sure that your husband is on the same page as you are and that he communicates consistently with all the family members.

2006-09-12 21:45:57 · answer #4 · answered by anirbas 4 · 1 0

Oh Man, I wish my daughter was a Yahoo question person, She has had Three kids and the Outlaws have burstin on every private occasion and they live 2 hours away!!!
I believe that you the mother in labor should have full control of who visits, and when.
Is your husband calling his folks? That is the problem here!
My daughter wants privacy, so I take the existing Kids and PLAY and teach them bad things! While She is suppose to be having the new one in private...Her husband calls his parents, who bring more family and drive 2 damn hours only to annoy my daughter while she gives birth!
When You are UP FRONT, make sure hubbie has the same idea! and take his cell phone and calling cards away!!!

2006-09-12 22:07:23 · answer #5 · answered by bugsie 7 · 0 0

You make it plain from the get go and you say "This moment is for my husband and I. Please respect our wishes on this matter.

You can be upfront, but you can be a bit nicer about it too. After all, do you want to exclude them from your life forever?

Good luck with this.

I'd take the easy path, and not let anyone know I was in labour. Announce the birth.

2006-09-13 00:19:40 · answer #6 · answered by Fuzzy Wuzzy 6 · 0 0

LIE, LIE, LIE. I'm assuming your having a mid-wife there, so just tell your MIL(I have a lovely one just like yours by the way) that the mid-wife said no. What is she gonna do phone her and ask her.....oh wait mine would. Just maybe explain your situation to your mid-wife and ask her to embellish on your behalf a bit. This may sound "naughty", but I would do just about ANYTHING if I were in your situation. Good Luck Mommy 2 B!!!

2006-09-12 21:50:40 · answer #7 · answered by brooklynsss 3 · 0 1

Just don't tell anyone that you've gone into labor. If they seem upset after the fact, you can simply tell them then that you wanted the experience to be something that just you and your husband shared together with your new child.

2006-09-12 21:41:40 · answer #8 · answered by Penn State Princess 3 · 1 0

Don't call them and tell them that you are in labor. Then they can't just show up. :-)

If you do need someone to come pick up an older child to care for them while you are laboring at home, have your midwife play "bad guy" for you and ask them to leave. I know my midwife for my homebirth said she was willing to do this and had done it before.

2006-09-12 21:59:44 · answer #9 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 0 0

I said the same thing & in the end begged for my mother, MIL, SIL. You have plenty of time to think about this. Get pregnant first. Good luck!!

2006-09-12 21:46:01 · answer #10 · answered by Tortured Soul 5 · 1 0

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