give me ur advice/thoughts?

Question

I have jealousy/security/selfesteem issues. I'm 22 and I go to the gym every day (sometimes twice on my days off work), I buy the latest clothing, I have facials, I get my nails & hair done reguarly. I feel like i'm in competition with every female out there.
My ex (of 8months) who I miss & think of everyday :(.. broke up with me because i was 'too possessive'. Which i know i am but i can't help it. Whenever i see him talk or even look at a female i fly out in a jealous rage. Well maybe not a rage as such, but i get really annoyed. I know there are heaps other better looking females than me..I spend at least 2 hours in the morning to get ready for work..I feel like im obssessed because I know that looks fade. What am I going to do when I turn 40..I really don't know.. Can u give me a bit of advice.

Answer 1

Ok. First of all, cut the red bull back to one can a day. Second, No matter how hard you try, there is going to be someone prettier or smarter or more successful than you. Get over it.

Your guy was with you, wasn't he? He didn't see a hot blonde and run over to her, leaving you stranded with the check, did he? No. Guys are naturally attracted to women, and so they look at them. If he suddenly leaves you to go flirt with the other girl, then he's a douchebag and isn't worth your time. But he stays with you, and probably loved you despite your faults, so it's not worth getting freaked over.

Finally, you don't have to be in competition. You'll never be happy if you do. There will always be that 1% body fat that you could tone down, or those three pounds, or a zit, or a broken nail, there's no satisfying someone who's never satisfied. Take a deep breath, eat some carbs, and go see what you really need to be happy.

Answer 2

First of all you kneed to stop worrying what others think of you... if you spend your life in front of a mirror you're going to miss out on so many things like finding a man who makes you feel beautiful and so loved that you'll never wonder if he's looking at some other girl...I would suggest either finding a hobby or spending time doing things you enjoy (with friends perhaps?)Get out! Have fun while you can! Let go of the anxiety, jealousy, and anger. In the end you'll hurt yourself the most.

Answer 3

Girl! you answered your own question, and did not even realize it. Looks do fade, you are right, and if you spend too much time not growing emotionally and expanding who YOU are - and build a more intesting you inside, you will wake up one day and realize that you are 45, single and dependent on plastic surgery to feel confident.

An ex of mine once told me, and forever changed my mind when I was in my late teen's - that a women with confidence, who is secure in who she is and where she is headed, is the sexiest thing he every saw. I stuck with that, and yes, you have to keep yourself up - but you have to try to stop trying to compete with others, and let your inner worth come through. Men who just want HOT HOT chicks with 98 pound bodies, really do in the end get sick of it - you can only "hit that" so many times, and even men want something more. Even if that means a replacement HOT HOT Chick.

So, my advice is try to avoid the mirror as often as you do. Work out for YOU and your health. Realize that you are amazing and can offer anyone a great "girlfriend", and be open to give the right guy a chance.

Answer 4

All the energy we waste being jealous. There is always going to be someone better looking, more successful whatever. Someone either loves you or they don't. If they love you you shouldn't have to worry, if they don't, you can never hold them anyway. Your only competition is to be the best you can be and to find someone who loves who you are. If you compete against every woman out there how can you ever win? Just live life and be happy.

Answer 5

I think you already know the answer, you're just not following your own advice. You just need to chill. Working out at the gym is great, but I think you need to find some kind of hobby to compliment it. Read. Write. Learn to play a guitar. Sew. Get a pet cat or dog. Find other friends to hang out with. And, of course, I have to include go to church.

Answer 6

Well, I'll let this be the last Answer I give for the day..I'm 30, and I also love looking my Best and maintaning my "beauty"..However--you are WAY too young to be this insecure, and you seem to lack the true foundation of Beauty--which is something that comes from within.

The problem is that as a Woman--your Self Esteem has to come from Within. Your self esteem should be connected to the contributions you make to the world, your special talents & gifts, your accomplishments in your career, and how loving and Kind you are to people. Its all about having your own Identity as a Woman--which has NOTHING to do with a man.

You will never be happy if all of your Happiness and Self esteem comes from men. A man can love you today, and leave you tomorrow. Dont you know that every day, women wake up in the morning, and their husband tells them they dont love them anymore, they want a Divorce? That can happen to you, me, any woman. But you have got to develop a relationship with God. God is the only one who Loves you more than you can ever know--and His Love Never Dies. If you have Faith in God, and if you hold on to Who You Are which is your own idenity, you can always have Peace and Happiness--no matter if your man leaves you today.

You should listen to Whitney Houston's song "The Greatest Love of All". It talks about how people in life can let you down, but the greastest love of all--loving Your Self--can give you Joy and Happiness.

I'm sorry that you believe its your looks that make you valuable to a man. I am Beautiful and people have told me that my whole life..But, my mom always taught me that Beauty is a "dime a dozen". Beauty does not stop men from cheating on you, abusing you, and hurting you. What does stop men from doing those things is YOU--when you Love Yourself enough to never let a man treat you like that...Also, I think what makes a women Beautiful is her "Spirit"--the way she smiles, loves, and exists in the world. There are many people who are "pretty", but Beauty is something very deep.

So, your boyfriend said you are too possesive. I must agree with him. How would you feel is a man flew into a rage when you said hello to a man, or male co-worker? ..You are Insecure. That insecurity comes from someplace..I'll bet 100 dollars that you did not have a good relationship with your Father. Psychologists say that Fathers give daughters High Self Esteem. Lack of a father rips a girls self esteem to pieces.You need to realize that whatver your Father did or didnt do--was Not your fault. It had nothing to do with you. And if your family ever told you that you werent good enough--they were wrong. You have to trun to God and ask Him to fill that empty space in your heart. He will.

You also need to Get a Life. I tell women that all the time. I've bene proposed to by 3 different sucessful men in the past 10 years. My mom said that what attracts men to me is that I am not this desperate, clingy women whose whole life is centered around a man. I'm a Teacher and I loooove my kids. I'm also a writer, and I just started my own business. These are the things that fulfill me. I have my own life. These things make me happy..Whatever your Dream are in life--you need to make a paln to fulfill them. Whether you want to go back to school start a catering business, or become a Teacher--you need to get that life you always wanted. You can also Volunteer--there are many people who need your help. But you have to stop being sooo focused on men. Focus on yourself and the people who need you in this world.

You have a lot of work to do. You need to let go of men for a while--and turn inward. They say "A road of 1000 miles, begins with a single step".

Peace

Answer 7

possibly it rather is the style you spell issues once you write/form? each teenage female is going by teeny 'fights' like this....wait a week or on the main, the top of the summer season and basically talk over with them like regularly occurring...have faith me...what your 'dealing with' isn't a great deal. rather everyone forgets approximately this 'drama'. tell your little 'buddy' there to provide up being pathetic and melodramatic and recover from it. The worst you should do is get livid and dramatic. stable luck in 8th.

Answer 8

FOR STARTERS YOU HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AND THINK THAT LOOKS ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU THERE ARE ALWAYS SOMEBODY THAT WILL LOOK BETTER THAN YOU KNOW MATTER WHAT YOU DO YOU REALLY NEED HELP LOOKS ARE NOT IMPORTANT NOMORE ITS ABOUT WHATS IN SIDE AND I AM 40 AND CAN PASS FOR 28 I HAVE YOUNG GUYS ALL OVER ME WHEN I TELL THEM I HAVE 3 GROWN KIDS THEY DONT BELIVE ME AND I DONT WEAR MAKEUP OR WORKOUT AS MUCH SO ITS REALLYYOU GO GET HELP BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID WITH THAT JEALOUS RAGE AND BEING TO POSSESSIVE

Answer 9

I am not sure who you are comparing yourself with but it all starts with you. Love yourself and no one can phase you. If I caught a past boyfriend looking at another girl, I would just smile because I caught him but not say anything because he's with me. I notice cute guys all the time but when I have a boyfriend I am with him because I think he's better than all the rest. Try to be confident, you have yourself all did up, you are good to go. Rest assure if he's with you, it's because you are the best! To him no one else compares.

Answer 10

I think you are the perfect candidate for counseling. if you were to see a professional you might learn not to let those feelings of jealousy and possessiveness get the best of you and tear up your relationships. If these things are as deeply rooted as you suggest, it may be hard for you to deal with it on your own.