She met him while in high school, he convinced her to leave home her senior year after knowing her a few months when trying to stop her from leaving he told me to F off. I have banned him from my home since that day. His family has continually interfered with my relationship with my daughter by overstepping my rules. He doesn't work, depends on his mama to supply his needs. Now he is depending on my daughter to support him. I can't get her to see the light and get out while there is still time. I know at this point she can decide what she wants since she is 18, and I don't want to loose my relationship with her, but I still don't want to accept him. Any one been there that can offer some real advice?
2006-09-12 12:51:30 · 15 answers · asked by oktobejustme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Mothers only want the best for their children especially their daughters. I understand that she is only 18, but she will always remember what you taught her in those 16 1/2 years. How do I know, I've been there. I was 19 and he was 41 for awhile things were okay, but he started to become controlling. He didn't have his own place either and thought I was going to live with his sister also. His sister worked at a Daycare facility and wanted me to work at the same job. I thought why would I want to live and work with people who don't actually care for me or him? If I went to to the Hair Salon he would tell the stylist how to do my hair. I didn't approve of that either. He once stated, "I own you mind, body, and soul." I told you may have my mind and body, but my soul soul belongs to God. We had other issues, but the final draw came when he hit me in the face. Not to mention he stated he could kill me and then himself. I left that relationship. I'm not trying to frighten you, but letting you know how much power some people have over others. The more you try to fight against the situation the more she will cling to him out of spite towards you and to make herself believe she is doing the right thing. In time she will come to her senses and hopefully he will too, He needs to realize he has issues inside of him that needs to be worked out before he can bring someone else into his world. If they do part will things be okay between them? Yes. Now at 29 and he will soon be 51 comes to me for advice on life regardless of the situation. I know it's going to be hard, but be patient and she will return to her senses. When you talk to her be kind and loving, remind her that you will always be there for her, and tell her she always has a home to come to.
Bless You Mother
2006-09-12 14:16:29 · answer #1 · answered by Miss Lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was there BUT I was the daughter and trust me the more you dissaprove the more she is going to run in that direction. After my first husband was killed in Desert Storm I met a guy and fell in love ( so I thought) my mother tried everything to get me to see that he was only out for the money I got from my husbands life insurance and that he didn't care about me or the baby daughter that I had. He sounds just like your daughters boyfriend. Well needless to say my parents banned him from the house I moved in with him then married him and three years later I had a new born, a 2 year old and my daughter the money was all gone and he became a violent abusive person. Thankfully my mother was there to pick up the peices (again). My advice is to let your daughter know that even though you don't like him you love her and you will always be there for her. Take her out to lunch or a day of shopping just the two of you and bite your tounge and invite them both to dinner. My parents sat through more than one meal with my ex just so I could come over. Eventually she will see what is really there but she has to do it on her own you can't do it for her even though you want to, all you can do is love her and support her and be there to pick up the pieces if it goes bad.
2006-09-12 13:11:14 · answer #2 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I'm there right now. The bottom line is that if you keep interfering you will lose your daughter as well as access to any future children. I'm not saying invite him into your home with open arms but you have to be civil even if you bite your tongue to do it. My son just married a lovely young woman who's parents finally in the last 2 months of wedding planning came around to the idea. Our son is a very good young man and has completed all his schooling. They just wanted someone who was a doctor or dentist for a son-in -law. My daughter well I hope every day she sees the light and dumps this fellow but chances are very good that she will move in and eventually marry him. We have to remember as parents that our children must be allowed to make their own mistakes. We can only be there to pick them up and help them through their pain when it happens.
2006-09-12 13:39:59 · answer #3 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry to hear about your situation with your daughter, i wish i could tell you a magical answer that will help your daughter see the light as you put it but unfortunately i cant i have been there not with my own children they are still young thankfully, but i have gont through this with my elder sister the same situation exactly as you describe yours it took time but one of the things you can do is just tell her that she is not welcome in your house and until she decides to dump the loser and go back to school or work school would be best i know it is hard adn the only advice i have for you now is to let time take its course she will someday see that he is a lazy no good son of a ***** you could also try to show her how a real man is supposed to treat his woman
2006-09-12 13:02:09 · answer #4 · answered by wrenchbender19 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, she is 18 and has the right to completely reject you in favor of her boyfriend; the real question is where did you fail to rear her correctly so that she would shack up with a loser in the first place.
As you conemplate this for hopefully what will be a short while before he hurts her and she leaves him, all you can hope for is that she doesn't suffer much abuse and that she will be willing to talk about her own failures in blindly following this guy.
Best case scenario: she eventually will leave him, you two will have long talks and can laugh about him later on in life.
Worst case scenario: You will never see her again, either literally or figuratively as the same young woman you raised. Get used to the choice she made and live with it.
Good luck.
2006-09-12 13:00:27 · answer #5 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
looks like you're a bit too late, but not from saving her from this guy but savign her from herself. you had an opportunity at some point to make her love herself, to teach her to appreciate herself and love her selfworth. i dont know what kind of home you provided, and what kind of conflicts were around but she obviously doesn't care about a stable future, an education, or spending her twenties getting to know the world around her. OBVIOUSLY all she wants is to be "loved" and for some reason his love is all that matters. sometimes parents are bit "too late" in the "i want to do anything to make you happy" phase. so now you have to avoid trying to get her away from "him" and try working on her self esteem. even if you have to FAKE IT. perhaps inticing her to go to school. let her go to school AND be with him. its a bit manipulative but it will work! she will think she has it all, him and college. while shes' there she'll meet college guys. they cant be any worst than the bum she's with. and if she isnt the college type, again there was a time in her life where she should of seen the benefits of an education.....that's why each day with my four kids is devoted to raise them with good values and provide a calm, loving home. even now my 9yr old says she will travel the world. i ask her about boys and she says, well they can come with me lol
2006-09-12 13:13:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesnt sound like too much time has passed since she's only 18. Try to be her friend instead of a disapproving mother since you've already tried that and it's not working.
Invite her to lunch, take her shopping, plan little get aways and get togethers and keep your disapproving comments to yourself as much as you can. Just say, I just want to be here if you want someone to talk to but I wont offer any advice. Let her make her own decisions...it's too early to tell what future...theyre young. :(
2006-09-12 13:01:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you're gonna hate this but...
Just make the best of it. Your daughter knows how you feel about him and she's going to do what she wants. If you accept him, you can still maintain a good relationship with your daughter. If you don't and she marries him, at some point she may have to make a choice - and she won't pick you. At least if you're on the 'inside', you'll know if ever she's in trouble or she needs you.
Good luck to you. I sincerely hope your daughter changes her mind :(
2006-09-12 12:59:37 · answer #8 · answered by Avid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your instincts are right and this guy seems like a jerk. At 18 to see beyond the obvious is tough. However, you can talk to her about her future and the reality of life.......earning, raising a family, respecting your partner, being responsible and she will come around.
Its hard to show kids reason and sometimes you have to let go so they can make mistakes and learn from it despite the fact that you know its wrong....
Its like telling people not to watch a popular movie because you thought it was terrible and they go and see it anyway....and come back and join you in tearing the movie apart and you say...."I told you so"......
2006-09-12 13:23:21 · answer #9 · answered by sensa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thinking the ballot is from Rasmussen, who has always erred by employing a large margin to the right, its demanding to take it heavily. His ballot numbers have not budged more effective than a million-2% in over 4 months, and once his rules initiate to take carry and the country receives better they are going to easily bypass up. as well, its not like the Republicans have each person who might want to remotely challenge him at this element besides.
2016-11-26 20:24:35 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋