Okay. This question was inspired by a friend who asked an family related question on ethics. My grandma has alzheimer's. Really badly in fact. She can't remember where she is half the time, she thinks dead relatives are still alive. She drifts in and out of random memories and finds herself locked in the time period they happened in until she moves along.
She's not well physically either. Her lower back and hip are broken and we can't set them due to the brittle old bones. She lives her days out in bed at her daughter's home.
My question is...is it ethical for me to hope she passes on soon? I feel guilty for feeling that way, but she's living a horrible, painful existance right now and I hate to see her suffer every day, looking at the world around her with confusion in her once sharp eyes as her mind slowly fades away from her.
Is it wrong of me to want her to hopefully go to a better place? I'm not religious, but this is the sort of thing that makes me hope for God.
2006-09-12 12:45:18 · 19 answers · asked by ivioonbeams 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm going through the same thing with my grandmother and I can relate to what you are saying. You watch them and wish for death so they can rest and be at peace. No one ever wants to see someone they love in misery.
But to answer your question, I think it's very ethical that you wouldn't want another human being to suffer. And your wishes are not made with malice.
2006-09-12 12:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by ajd1bmf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's simple compassion. You love your grandma and you don't want her to suffer. That's being a human.
My father has Alzheimer's and it's probably the most awful thing I've ever seen. Cancer is painful--my grandpa and aunt both died of it and now a friend of mine has it-- but at least you have your wits and you know it will end in a set period of time with death. Alzheimer's is like a creeping crud that never ends and right now there's zero hope of anyone who has it being cured or getting better.
If you need to talk to someone--even if you want to rant and rave and swear or cry or whatever--feel free to email me. You ARE NOT alone in your pain.
2006-09-13 06:34:39 · answer #2 · answered by Gevera Bert 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, it's not wrong... i am not religious either, but if i, god forbid, ever see a member of my family is such a situation, i would hope similarly, so that they could die the person that they were in life, rather than a shell of that person, with no memories of the life that they had lived...in many cases, people with situations like these can be seen as better off passing on, because there is an emotional pain that comes along with it, that they may not even feel or recognize, and it begins to eat away at them and their health... you are a good person to not want theat for your grandmother, i have the utmost respect for your feelings on the subject and sympathize with them...
2006-09-12 12:54:45 · answer #3 · answered by John C. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong. But your Grandma may not be suffering the way you think. If the past she is living in was happy then she's OK being there. The only thing is her physical condition may be painful. In her condition she most likely won't live long. Just make her as comfortable as possible while you can.
2006-09-12 12:55:26 · answer #4 · answered by papricka w 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong. My family and I watched my Grandfather suffer for 17 years with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's Diseases. He was medicated and not in pain, but what was difficult was telling him that he could no longer farm. He eventually passed on in the Hospital, alone. We did not make the same mistakes with Grandma. We took turns caring for her and she had loved ones around her when she took her last breath.
It is difficult to watch our loved ones suffer, however, loving them to the end is the greatest way to give back some of the love they had given us while we were young.
I pray that God gives you strength and patience, persistence and peace. God Bless.
2006-09-12 13:15:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ethics are about actions, not feelings. It would be unethical for you to do anything to hasten your grandmother's death, but it's not unethical to have feelings that you never intend to act upon.
Many people admit to feelings of relief when a loved one passes on after a lengthy illness. You're yearning for your grandmother to be released from this painful situation, and in time nature will take its course.
But in the meantime, try to focus on simple things that will help you and your grandmother enjoy the time she's got left. Play her favourite music for her, bake her favorite cookies -- anything that can help you both live in the moment. There is still joy to be found in her reality.
And when she is gone, don't feel guilty -- compassion shows itself in many forms.
2006-09-12 12:57:15 · answer #6 · answered by Peggy M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Sweetie,
It is not unethical to wish for your grandmother a better place, a better existence. And if you feel there is a better place and a better existence for your grandmother, then somewhere in you, you are seeking knowledge of God.
Does your grandmother know God? If she does, and if God does exist, then what He says in His Word is true. For those who believe in Him, He gave them the right to become the son's of God. (John 1:12) He has offered them an eternity in a wonderful place. (Romans 6:23) If this is true (and I believe it is), and if your grandmother believes this too, then she will have a wonderful eternity.
I know that I would rather believe that God does exist, and then find out I am wrong after I die, than to not believe in Him and find out that I am wrong after I die!
If belief in God gives us eternal life, and your grandmother has this belief, then she has eternal life. If you too want this eternal life, and you hope to spend it with loved ones, including your grandmother, then continue seeking God. If you truly seek Him, He will find you!
Your wishing for a better place and existence for your grandmother is only admirable! We should all wish that for our loved ones. But we also need to remember that it is God who gave us life, and it is His to take us "home" when it is the right time.
God bless and stay well and happy.
2006-09-13 16:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by Maddi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is natural for a person not to want to see a loved one fading away, having a poor quality of life, and living in the depressive throes of Alzheimer's disease. You are not wrong to hope for her to pass on. We have this issue in our family as well and feel the same. We love her but cannot bear to see her suffer, decline mentally and pose a serious threat to herself. We pray she will pass away peacefully.
2006-09-12 13:20:06 · answer #8 · answered by nido_tr3s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No problem in how you are thinking...I had a grandpa who had that, he used to try to get me to marry him, his mind was gone...And he to was broken up and in pain...The day he died i didnt feel sad, people thought i was mad or something, but my grandpa wasent in pain anymore and that i was greatful for...Working as a firefighter i have seen a lot of people who i would leave their home and pray that their end would come quick, they suffer and its so sad to watch...I have talked to many who wish there end would come quick to, i tell them then its time to let go, their people will be ok once they are gone. Somehow they need to be told its ok to go...
So your thinking is not wrong, its caring and loving and know you only want the best for her. I hope for your grandma, her time comes soon and her suffering end...
2006-09-12 13:26:03 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT is not wrong...you sound like a caring loving individual, who truly wants a better existence for your Grandmother. Do not let society dictate what you should or should not feel...you should not feel guilty for wanting something better for her...her life as she..and you knew it, is over, and she is merely existing in a very cloudy, confusing world.
Be there for her..talk to her..hold her hand..let her know that you love her,...but when the time comes, be happy for her and let her go
2006-09-12 12:55:59 · answer #10 · answered by Mack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋