My mom is breaking my boyfriend of 13 months and I up, what should I do?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 13 months, we're 18 and were planning on getting engaged within the next 6 months or so. We've taken things very slow and traditionally but recently, we've had a few 'spats' where my mom got involved. She said that he was 'disrespectful' to her and that I was no longer alowed to speak or see him. I'm heartbroken. I don't think it should matter if she doesn't like his family or whatnot as long as I'm happy and she can't seem to put her own controlling feelings aside to let me be happy and be with the man that I love. I've talked to him about it, against her wishes obviously, and he says that since we love each other so much we'll make it through and now, I have plans to move out of my house with my mom in February and continue my life with him. I don't want to lose my relationship with my mom but how do I get her to realize that I love him and get her support on my relationship. I don't know what to say or do I love my mom but he's my hero

Answer 1

You are of age to make choices for yourself and you need to decide that if you want to be with him, she is going to be against this and that this may drive a wedge between you and she will not be able to accept it. She may have seen something about your boy friend that you haven't seen yet and maybe you need to slow things down even more and not plan on being with him in Feb. You need to take a serious look at your relationship with both and realize that both are important to you.

Answer 2

Dont do it, seriously. I'm 25 and I cant tell you how many friends and people I know got married in late teens and early twenties and either got divorced or had kids and stay together for the kids and are now living in misery. The reason is because when you are 18, you are still a kid who is about to grow into someone totally different within the next few years. By the time you do make this transformation, you will not be the person who fell in love with your BF and visa versa. Your mom, much older and wiser than you, knows this. Stick with him, but do not get married until mid twenties. I think if the dude is disrespecting your mom, that should be a serious red flag. I suggest asking advice from people older than you. They've been there. Also, don't take too much stock into the kids on this post who are the same age as you. And I can't stress this enough; DO NOT GET MARRIED. You'll thank me in a couple of years.

Answer 3

Tell her you respect her as your mother and you love her dearly. But you need to have a life too and you love your boyfriend very much. Let her know that your of age now to make your own decisions. Let her know you need her to be a part of your life and you need her blessing to be with your boyfriend even though they had a fall out. Tell her you are happy with your boyfriend and you don't want to lose him.

Ask her if you can all get together and discuss the problem that is going on. Maybe they can make a mend and start over! Hope everything turns out for your sake!

Answer 4

If you are 18 then you can make your own decisions (good or bad).

Plan #1. Move out, get a job and keep your boyfriend.

Plan #2. Continue living with or accepting money from your parents and following their rules.

Try having a mature discussion with your mom. There is some miscommunication somewhere and you need to clear it up. Be mature and respectful. You're an adult now so act like one.

Answer 5

She can't tell an 18 year old who she can and can't see. That's stupid. You are an adult now, you can make your own decisions, and if you truly love him, it may indeed be time to move out of your mom's house and in with him. Don't go out of your way to burn your bridges with your mom, but I suspect she'll make up with you even if she's initially angry or never accepts your boyfriend. And if you two get married, nothing says the two of them have to be friends, but they are going to at least have to be cordial to each other for your sake, since they both share a love for you and your best interests. Try to tell your mom that it isn't fair to ask you to choose between the two of them or she may wind up losing you completely, whether or not you stick with your boyfriend. She needs to let you make your own mistakes and find your own happiness, just like she did in her own life.

Answer 6

why does ur mother think he was disrespectful? can he do anything, go and talk to her, explain his intentions? u have to realize this is your Mother, she wants to protect you. perhaps he had done or said something to upset her? he can either apologize if he did something wrong, or explain to her he didn't mean it that way... i GUESS it's possible she is making it up. but in the end, if he wants to respect ur family, he has to make the effort. if u both try extremely hard to include her, then if SHE doesn't accept it, she is the one who chooses not to be a part of your life. but u can always welcome her w/ open arms and let her know that u love her. but u can only do so if both u and ur man give her respect, and allow her to choose.

good luck, and always be proud of ur love, ur life, ur feelings, and ur knowledge. if ur unsure, always work to become better, more knowledgable, more caring, more understanding. keep an open mind. it will help you to relate to people, and explain ur situation. do not focus on the negatives. SO, if ur boyfriend tells ur mom "i'm sorry" and she becomes rude, then she is the negative one and u are moving away from her to seek happines. but if he tries, and she is open minded, hopefully both parties will be able to rejoice in the love that u have. good luck~

Answer 7

i have been in your situation and i know this may be hard for you right now but some times mums are right maybe she sees some thing you don't i know my mum did and if i had of stoped and listened to her i would not have found my self in the mess i was in its a hard call do you know what your man and your mum had the rowel over? what was said? maybe it was a petty argument that may be able to be resolved over a coffee or a chat around the table ect? maybe she just doesn't want you to grow up and stop being her little girl as hard as it is for some parents to admit that there children are growing up some times they act like this to try and prevent that from happening talk to her if you cant do it in a calm way altho that would be better just walk up to her corner her and come straight out with it WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH MY MAN EXACTLY let her tell you and don't interrupt her and then say what you would like to say when shes finished then both sides of the argument are out and it may help {this is what i did and it helped me}

Answer 8

Parents always want the best for their children. You must talk to her and see what she is holding back. You are in LOVE so maybe there is something she sees that you do not. You say mom , is she a single mother? If so that could be why she is so protective. If she was hurt you must understand, she does not want to see you start with a bad life.

Answer 9

well take a look back @ what the 2 of you had done to get ur moms help, if it happens again will she be there next time to help you out??? Take an Xtra 5 yrs. B4 you say yes to him, that way you' ll know if its right.. 21 is just 2 yrs. away what will he like when is drinking, will you have to call ur mom then to come get you, or the cops on him, so hold off till 25......

Answer 10

I had the same problem with my mom. I put a mountain range between her and us. We were living with my parents a few months in to our MARRIAGE. can you imagine how bad that went. I also was pregnant, 18, in high school, and he was 36 at the time. Got pregnant on my 18th bd, with two forms of birth control. She was very rude to my husband when I was in labor asking me if he was going to run off on me. At this time we were already gone. He didn't want to talk to her, and hung up on her. My father and mother called me back after I was out of labor, and yelled at me for him disrespecting my mother.


I say to you, GET OUT NOW. Don't worry about your mother, she will get over it. Mine did, sort off, she still is not fond of my husband, but that is mother for ya. If you love him, don't let her get in the way of your happiness. She has lived her life, had you, raised you to live yours, go do it, and have a great time doing it. I hope the best for you and your boyfriend.