I have a 15 yr old step son that loves to back talk. Should i tolerate this behavior or let wife handle it. .?

Answer 1

You are his step dad and therefore you need to take responsibility and assist in the disciplinary action.
i would recommend speaking to your wife about it coming up with an appropriate measure and then you actually reinforcing it.
with the support of your wife the message will soon be clear to your step son that you are an authoritive figure

Answer 2

You are up SHi_'s creek without a paddle. This is a loosing situation. He is not your child therefore you cannot use any kind of discipline with him, unless you wife has given you full reign for his upbringing, which can also be dangerous because he may go to "real" daddy and make up stories. He may also give your wife stories about what happened and she may be dumb enough to believe them. Only she knows what kind of child she has, how much she has spoiled him, and how much she has not taught him manners and respect for your elders. Maybe the child was very affected by her divorce and is too inmature to accept another relationship. You don't say how long you have been married, how long she was single before she married you, did you have anything to do with the split? Reflect on all these things and you may find the answer. Have you done anything to win him over, or have you come on like the warden at a corrections facility finding everything he says or does wrong? You and wife have to sit down and decide what is accepted behavior from him and what is not. Children nowadays see so many commercials about child abuse, which I think is not tokerable under any circumstances, that they immediately cry wolf and threaten you with calling the authorities, because they cannot tell the difference between being abused or just simple punishment for something they did wrong. Talking back should be unacceptable by all means but in todays' society is like any other day ocurrence. Feel free to e-mail me back through this web-site if you want to elaborate on this issue.

Answer 3

You have a very fine line to walk here. How long have you been his step father? Basically, I would recommend to speak with your wife and your step son about it. The three of you need to lay out family rules of what is acceptable behavior and what are the consequences of breaking a family rule.

I've done this with my son (who is much younger). But the same rule applies. We created the family rules together - they are posted on the fridge. If he breaks a rule, i.e., back talking - then I ask him - is that what we do in this house? have you broken a family rule? okay, then what are the consequences of this action? I'm sorry that you have to go without x for x time, but I guess next time you will think before you break a family/house rule.

With this approach, he really can't argue and get mad at you because:
1. he help put the rule/consequence into place
2. it's not you punishing him, it's simply a consequence of his action

Answer 4

Let the wife handle it. Talk to your wife and ask her how you can handle it without creating hard feelings between the two of you. And yes, 15, all they know how to do is back talk. Just think, 3 years... 18. Don't ruin your relationship with your wife over a back talking teenager. Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all who's problem is it? Does it bother you? than you should tell him YOU need to talk to him because YOU have a problem with the way he talks and YOU need to understand why he back talks. Always use I statements with children because it is less attacking personally and leaves little to argue. Does she even have a problem with it? I know with my children I don't let there back talk or childish behavior (they are children) break me down into emotional state, because once they do-they have won. Children now emotions not respectful talk. Sometimes people tell me I let my kids do this to me or that-but actually no..they are being children and I am being the adult. So, it doesn't bother me. And if it doesn't bother her-than I would let it be-if it does-than it her problem and I would back her decisions up, but if it's not a problem with you than you can't fix it.

Answer 6

We all have the right to set limits on the kind of behaviour we are willing to put up with. I would avoid a drama triangle situation whereby members of the family take sides against each other. This is counter productive to solving the problem. If things escalate, it might be beneficial to get a professional opinion.

Answer 7

If you all live in the same house then I would call a family meeting and set down some house rules etc. Even if your the lads step parent he has no right to be rude to you.

Answer 8

well step kids are hard but its not like he means it he just doesnt want to see his parants with other people. its verry common. id try talking to him or having the mother talk or better yet maybe the father could talk to him about it.but i wouldnt tlerate any of it you may not be his real father but you are his step and you gotta let him know whos boss. punish him when he does this. he has no right to treat you like that he should have some respect. good luck

Answer 9

It is a hard situation to be in... I am in the same situation... You need to speak to your wife and let her know how you feel... She needs to put her son on a reality check. She needs to let him know that his behavior is unacceptable. Either he shapes up or action has to be taken. She needs to let him know that he can't go around disrespecting you, just because you are not his father... Both of you need to be on the same page about this in order to stick to it..... She needs to let him know, that he will have to deal with the consequences for his actions....

Good luck!

Answer 10

step parent or not let him know who the adult/boss is since you are the step parent don't let that get in the way you steped into this family therefore you are family and you have a right to correct and if not for sure how your wife will respond to you correcting your son talk to her and see what she thinks.im sure she'll agree.