My 8 yr old dtr threw a note away at school that was to be sent home. This is the first time she has done this and probably not the last. She gets disciplined but not so bad that she would be too scared to show us the note. She said she threw it away because she didn't want to be grounded. Does anyone have any creative forms of punishment? (besides beating her :) ) I'm not sure what the note said but she was probably talking or not following directions in class.
2006-09-12 11:57:06 · 31 answers · asked by pickledtink 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well I would explain that this little stunt is very irresponsible. And then I would take away everything that she liked to do that involved any amount of trust or responsibility. IE TV (because you trust her to watch the good stuff), her bike (because she has to use responsibility to ride it and obviously she is lacking), don't let her go anywhere without you (no friend's houses or movies) and after a week or two of nothing but school and being at your side 24-7 she'll probably get the point. But for this to work you have to keep up the pressure and if she wanders two feet from you in a store make sure to grab her, the only way this works is if you stay on her the entire time.
2006-09-12 12:06:35 · answer #1 · answered by Sara 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Decide what is her very favorite thing to do. Is it the computer or a game system, talking to her friends or playing outside with friends? That should be the thing that is off limits until she makes changes. But be calm and do not act angry when you address her about this. Also, do not place a time frame on it like parents do when they place kids on restriction for say one or two weeks. Time limits do not help. Just tell her in a very calm low voice something like "until I see an improvement and can trust you to bring any note home to me or let me know when you've been disciplined at school, you will not be playing/doing _____." (whatever you decide). If you place a time frame on it, it becomes a restriction for you as well. Whereas if she commits to make the changes and is sorry for her actions and comes to you within a few days or a week, you can agree to then give back whatever you took away from her. Make her come to you when she is ready, do not ask her everyday if she feels like things will be different from now on. Do not give in, stand firm, or she will realize that she can get away with this every time something like this happens. I'm sure she is a very sweet girl. She just has to realize that her actions are unacceptable and will not be tolerated. I hope this helps a little.
2006-09-12 13:12:07 · answer #2 · answered by son-shine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would take the time to go up to the school and either talk to the teacher and request she either call about any problems, or go to the school weekly and check in with the teachers, or ask if the teachers would mail any notes , or if you have a fax machine , ask about faxing the note or email or text message to your cell phone. I think an 8 year old is not really ready to handle that kind of responsibility, and if a punishment is necessary then maybe one of the following
1. Time out for 8 minutes 1 minute per age
2. Take away their favorite thing to do or have for a day
3 try to have the child write out the note the teacher had provided
2006-09-12 14:11:06 · answer #3 · answered by soulstore 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello there.
Ask her why she does not feel she can get on with her teacher. Most of the times that I had problems with the teacher in my life was partly because of problems from other children and also because of the problems posed by the teacher.
Does she have any studying that she finds difficult and how can you help to increase the level of understand of such difficult material.
For example, I love math because I find it easy; many people hate maths because of the way that the teacher tought them and because they are not a 'math natural' like I am.
I am bad at english and I failed at that, dispite the fact that I done my absolute best. It is possible that she just cannot do what ever it is that she is ment to do.
There is other factors to conbsider...
1) Is there bullying and abuse coming from other kids or from the teacher?
If so, ask her about this and then have a meeting with the principal of the school inorder to trouble-shoot it.
All these things which have not been considered must be eliminated.
NOTE - Punishment for the destruction of note would only replace punishment due to your reaction to the notice and so would prove in-compensatory.
2006-09-12 13:42:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The punishment should never exceed the crime from the child's view not yours. Maybe you're to free with grounding for too long. In this case the crime deals with throwing away the note, nothing else. Therefore by rights the punishment should deal with the issue and nothing else. When dealing with children we should use every opportunity to teach, not just punish. In this case, maybe just having your child apologies to the teacher and the teacher explaining the importance of taking these notes home, and then you reinforcing what the teacher says, briefly. Then it would be good for you to tell your child how much you love her. After that the three of you should go out for ice cream.
2006-09-12 12:13:37 · answer #5 · answered by oldman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was afraid of getting grounded, tell her that because she DID throw the note away grounding is called for. When my niece got in trouble in 4th grade for not listening to the teacher she was made by her parents to write "I will listen in class" 100 times before she was allowed to go out and play. Never had a problem with that again, and she graduated from high school with top honors.
2006-09-12 12:05:16 · answer #6 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For my kids they would probably be grounded for a couple days for getting in trouble at school. But the punishment for lying or not giving a note from teacher would be MUCH worse. Probably grounded for 2 weeks. Make the consequences of lying much worse than what it would have been if she had just told the truth...
2006-09-12 14:24:47 · answer #7 · answered by Tess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would give her the punishment of grounding that she would have got anyway (or what she THOUGHT she would get)
and then take away some of her treats - on top because of being dishonest (no tv or no sweets or the like something for a day or 2 days at most as it was covering up a minor offense)
be clear in your explainations as to the grounding being for the original crime and the removal of priviledges being for trying to do a coverup.
then after the alloted time restore her former priviledges and reassure her of your continuing love
if she is dishonest again then you can let her know you are disappointed at her behaviour (note put the emphasis on BEHAVIOUR not the personality)
making the punishment fit the crime works wonders with kids at this age
2006-09-12 12:43:45 · answer #8 · answered by Aslan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She threw it away because she was "scared of being grounded" ground her from a toy or activity that she oves for a day or two. Then talk to the teacher and find out what she did wrong. Then make her go to bed an hour early that night or something.
2006-09-12 12:01:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Schedule a conference with her teacher. Have her apologize in front of her teacher for throwing the letter away and then apologize for whatever it was that she did to have the note sent home in the first place. Assure that teacher that she will have to deal with the consequences of her actions and that the behavoir will stop and that they next time it happens it will be dealt with immediatley. Take her home and ground her-take away somthing she loves-make her do extra chores-have her offer her assistance to the teacher for 30 minutes to an hour after school or during her recess-something to get the point accross. My kids hate for me to make them apologize to whoever they may have offended because it makes them accountable.
2006-09-12 12:06:15 · answer #10 · answered by Ninaboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋