I received a phone call the other day from my son's friend's foster parent that over the weekend when my son was over at their house, they were playing doctor. Now, they were both fully clothed and it is obvious that his friend instigated the game. I asked my son how they played "Doctor" and he said his friend would kiss him on the tummy, his butt and pee pee (mind they were fully clothed), and my son kissed him on the cheek. Now this is a foster kid and his foster parent says he was never sexually abused, but has watched violent movies and most likely sexually explicit ones too. So I don't know what to do, other then the "doctor" incident, they are great playmates. Should I continue having them see each other or not allow my son to play with him? What would you guys do?
2006-09-12 11:22:36 · 18 answers · asked by trilanka5 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Ok, I've gotten a lot of feedback. But what I am concerned is that this kid actually kissed different body parts on my son.. including his penis! Thank god they were fully clothed. He obviously got this action from somewhere, possibly from an adult?
2006-09-12 11:55:04 · update #1
I'm going to go outside of the majority here and say this is not "normal" curiosity. Yes, it's normal to be curious, but the kissing thing would have me worried as well. It sounds too much like imitation rather than curiosity. It smells fishy, and my guess is the child has been or is being sexually abused.
The foster parent may not be aware of a history of abuse, but let's face it--the kid was subjected to sexually explicit films. That in itself WAS ABUSE. The kid needs to have some counseling on "good/bad touch". The foster parent may already have the child in counseling based on his background.
I would allow the children to play together only if they are to be supervised by an adult 100% of the time. The foster parent is concerned enough to call you, so have a good talk with the parent before your child is allowed back at his house. Invite the child over only when you can supervise fully.
Have the "good/bad touch" discussion with your son. Curiosity is OK, but kissing butts and penises isn't.
2006-09-12 13:00:17 · answer #1 · answered by Doe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Boys Playing Doctor
2016-10-18 03:20:40 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your son's friend saw his mom and dad fooling around...or someone on TV. I would tell your son what doctors really do. And tell him that it's not ok for anyone to touch his penis but him,his parents, or a grown up doctor. I can understand how upsetting this must be since as adults we see this as a sexual thing. But my guess is that it's not. They are little boys probably testing out things they have seen but don't understand. Maybe you could get your son a book about the body, then go over with him what each part of the body is for.
Like- Your arms are for hugging, and to pick up things. Your legs are for jumping and running etc. Tell him the truth to what his age can understand. That his penis is for peeing. If you want to leave it at that...he is your son :) But I think you need to address this with your son. I wouldn't take his friend away I don't think he will understand that. Good luck
2006-09-12 15:56:09 · answer #3 · answered by aerofrce1 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They are 5 year old boys! you need to relax. First of all you need to explain to your son that Dr. is not an appropriate game, and why. You can't just say no without a reason. And then you need to tell him you love him and he can continue to be friends with this boy just no more Dr. Business. You need to handle it the same way you would have if it was a girl he was caught playing Dr. With.
2006-09-12 11:26:10 · answer #4 · answered by sweetgurllexi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only person who knows for certain where he picked up this behavior is the child himself. How do the foster parents know this child was never sexually abused, were they there? I spent three years as an assistant supervisor in a day care and I can tell you that he didn't just pick up this behavior from movies. There had to be physical touch at some point whether with or without his clothes on.
2006-09-12 19:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a normal part of development ,just watch them ,and be calm about it ,even if they do remove clothing it doesn't mean too much ,but if you react too harshly you could change how the child will react to life and relationships ,explain calmly that its not the done thing but don't shame the boys at any time.I have had this happen to my son and two of his play mates ,one mother reacted badly and her son is the one with the problems now.my boy is 14 and normal and not gay or any thing else.PS if the play is too sexual you should be conserned ,this is not.Also dont always asume that your child did not start the game ,they havent done anything wrong anyway.
2006-09-12 11:34:22 · answer #6 · answered by stephanie n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a part of a child's natural developement. Children become aware of and curious about their bodies at very early ages, and part of there discovery includes exploring themselves and quite possibly their friends. While I do not believe that you should stop your son from playing with his friend, I do think that you should have an age appropriate talk about these behaviors. Make sure he knows about good touching and bad touching, and more importantly that it is not ok to touch other people's "personal" parts.
2006-09-12 11:38:11 · answer #7 · answered by Honey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's perfectly normal for kids to do this (even if they are same sex). Your son is just at a curious age right now....You may want to go ahead a have a talk with him. Not THE talk but a les detailed talk.
2006-09-12 11:25:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with your son! Tell him that those are his private parts and that they should not be sharing them with other children and that playing doctor with his private parts is inappropriate (explain to him what inappropriate means- such as saying "inappropriate" means its not ok. I would also talk to the other child with his parents about appropriate behavior and see if he needs to talk about anything since he has been exposed to this and may not know how to feel about it. And maybe start having supervised playdates with you and your son. Once you start to feel comfortable with his behavior again then let the boys play unsupervised again. Keep talking with your son. Its amazing what children want to share with you!
2006-09-12 11:54:05 · answer #9 · answered by mizz_cassie_cass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he witnessed some adults having sex. Kissing private parts is not something kids usually do unless they have seen it before or have had it done to them.. Maybe you should speak to someone in authority like your own doctor for advice.
2006-09-12 17:05:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋