i was talking to a social worker about dating with my disabilities and she said it'll be harder for me i asked

Question

if she thought it was possible and she said i might find a "special friend" what did she mean by that and should i talk to someone else? i feel like she was patronizing me

Answer 1

I could write a library full on this topic!

Hi - if you'll look at my Yahoo Answers Profile you'll discover that I am a newlywed. Newly wedded to my BEST FRIEND.

My husband and I met over four years ago when I was his pharmacy technician. He was a stroke victim and the physical effects were obvious. He had difficulty walking, his right hand was frozen in a seized position against his chest, and he had great difficulty talking. His speech was slurred, and his vocabulary was minimal. Over the course of five years we would see each other as we rode the same bus to and from work. We developed a familiarity. Nothing else.

Then - one day - it happened. He gave me his phone number and asked me to call. I couldn’t. I knew of nothing I could say that would help him remember who I was. He never had learned my name. So, instead of calling him and embarrassing him by causing an awkward phone moment; the next day I gave him my number and told him he could call me whenever he needed a friend to talk to. A few days later, he did.

Eight weeks later we were married. He had spent seven years doing everything he could to prepare for a relationship. He worked hard on a self improvement routine that held out no promise of success.

No one - his best friends even - no one thought there would be a "pay-off". He never expected that a woman would even join him for a date. Let alone go out with him regularly. Never - never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd marry.

I am SO overjoyed to have him for my husband. He deserves someone greater and grander and more..... more of everything.
He worked hard and he deserves the best. (Secret - I'd been trying to improve myself all the while also!)

What I want you to know is - it all begins with YOU. You develop whatever characteristics you feel would make you valuable to a companion. If you need more compassion, work on it. More patience? Work on it. More gratitude? Work on it. Work on the things that matter. Your heart and your spirit.

You can't win a mate any other way. OH and your social worker is right - it will be harder for you. Harder because you'll work harder than anyone else. Harder because you'll know that you deserve the prize. Your special friend may just be a lot like mine.

My special friend is my best friend. He is so special - he'll put up with all my faults and shortcomings and rejoice in having me in his life. How great is that?!

My best wishes to you. You GO - GET what you want. But take some time getting ready for it!

Answer 2

I do not see a problem with you dating, however there are rules if one gets married and you can obtain that information from the Social Security Administration. Your explanation is not really clear that the social worker commented like she did. Perhaps she meant that due to your disabilities that it may be hard finding someone that will accept you. In no wise do I believe she meant any harm.

Answer 3

She used a very poor term to try to "comfort" you. Obviously if you have a "special need" you will be in places (through learning) that others having diaabilities will be . You might meet someone that way or just by being yourself, not everybody cares about disabilities, its the person. I dont even like the termonology "special needs", it sounds kiddish. Move on and be yourself. Peace.

Answer 4

Without knowing your 'disabilities' I can only say that dating doesn't seem to be easy for anybody. I'm so glad I'm not out there anymore.

This is what I say during Q&A after my speaking engagements during book tours: "Do what you love, be who you are, and the winds of life will take you into the arms of someone who loves you."

Answer 5

I think she was probably referring to the people out there who can't look past a disability and see the person. Don't let that get you down. I have friends with disabilities who are happily married and have children. Be yourself and people will be drawn to you. (-:

Answer 6

Maybe she was referring to finding someone else with disabilities, but I see no reason to limit yourself by anyone else's criteria. Love doesn't have boundaries like that.

Answer 7

I really don't feel she was patronizing you. They say there is someone out there for everyone. I'm sure you will find your special someone.

Answer 8

you are right.