2006-09-12 11:01:10 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
a little over a hundred years ago a girl who was not married at 21 was an 'old maid'!
now there is an uproar if a girl talks to a boy when she is 16
as for the age difference.... um 4 years is not really a difference at all.... when she is 20 will you object to her talking to a 24 yo?
when she is 30 would you object to her marrying a 34 yo?
exactly what is the problem here....
your little girl is growing into a woman rapidly, remembering not long ago she would have been considered a woman at this age, and it is time you caught up...
2006-09-12 11:13:36 · answer #1 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
See if you can get her alone in an activity that you both enjoy- like shopping,going out to eat ,cooking dinner,a walk around the park....something pleasant where it's just you and her.Then calmly bring the subject up. It's very important that you remain calm no matter how she responds.
Tell her that you are worried. Let her know that if she were older, like 18 or 20, her talking to a man 4 years her senior would not be a problem.
Let her know that your fear is the young man's intentions. It's very questionable behaviour when ANY adult forms a relationship with a minor like she has with this guy.
Be sure and listen to her. Don't cut her off. When she's had her say -- if she wants to talk-- then just restate your worry....calmly.
And let her know what it is that you want for her to do.
If she doesn't try to straighten things out in a reasonable amount of time--- then it's time for you to move to step #2.
Take action.
Firmly let her know that the phone calls must stop because it is inappropriate for this adult to be talking to her in this way at this time in her life .
If she is on the phone with him afterwards-- pick up the other line and speak to the young man yourself.Be the parent. Let him know that his aquaintance with your daughter is not wanted nor appropriate and that you don't want him communicating with her any longer -- not online nor by phone and definitely not in person-- Period.
The next step is getting in touch with the proper authorities if he continues calling or chatting with her. Let him know that you will do this.He can be tracked down just by using his phone number which you have on your caller ID and on your telephone bill.
Set the computer up in a room where it is in view of all in the house if necessary and blocks are always a good thing. Disconnection from the server is an excellent block if you want to take it that far.
Be firm.
Be persistent.
Be the parent.
2006-09-12 19:33:53 · answer #2 · answered by ZEE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would first ask to meet this person and have a heart to heart talk with him and his parents if necessary about the risks of him having a relationship with an underage girl. If he is unwilling to talk to you or meet with you - this should be a real "red flag". I then would seriously consider moving the computer to a room where she will not have access to it without parental supervision. If that is not possible - you can remove the keyboard at night if necessary. You do have a right to restrict her phone use since you are the one ( I assume) who pays the bills. I know there are those out there who think I am overreacting - but there are countless incidents of older men preying on younger girls - especially via the internet. We recently had a case in our community where a 14 year old was talking on the computer with what she thought was an 18 year old boy. The "boy" turned out to be a 44 year old child predator who talked her into a late night meeting at a local park where she was raped by him and several of his buddies. I bet her parents wish they had "overreacted" before that happened! Even if he is being honest about his age - 20 year olds have no business in relationships with 16 year olds. Nothing good can come of it. Stand firm on this one mom!
2006-09-12 18:13:50 · answer #3 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be mindful that at 16 she only has 2 years until she can tell you to f off completely. The best thing you can do is try to keep the door open for comunication with her, ask to talk with him, "try to show interest no matter how hard it is, " and don't forget to show her that YOU love her every day. You should not have much to worry about if you do your part as the parent. It is very standard for girls at that age to talk on the computer or phone all day or night. somtimes as parents we forget they don't need the sleep we do and dating is also pretty new and exciting. The 4 years difference isn't too much to worry about either, I'm sure you know a lot of people who are 4 years apart.
2006-09-12 18:12:36 · answer #4 · answered by don_steele54 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my younger sister did this. my parents were stupid and didnt listen to the warning signs. This man told my sister he wanted to rape her she was 16 exactly he was 20. she was defiant and told him to come to our house even though my parents told him not to talk to her. He was scary and he pretty much was a preadtor. I would never alow my child to talk to someone on the internet for a relationship let alone someone who wouldnt even be allowed to ahve an actual relationship with her due to law. You need to tell your daughter that she is no longer able to talk to this guy and take away her computer privlages. And not just take it away. you need to tell her why it is wrong and what you know the guys intentions are. she will say that your wrong but show her that you are right. I would get advice from the internet. if anything you can contact your local policen (not the 911 number) and ask them what you can do without breaking the law.
2006-09-12 18:36:53 · answer #5 · answered by fleur_loser 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her off the computer and off the phone! Set a password so she cannot get on the computer with out you there. Take the phone into your bedroom at night. It is hard to keep track of what teens do but you have to try. You never say...do you know who this guy is? do you approve? If not I am sure there something you can do through the law because of his age.
2006-09-12 18:08:50 · answer #6 · answered by shelshe 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to be a parent and take her computer and phone away and also you n eed to talk to this 20 year old and inform him you are willing to prosecute him if he doesn't stay away from your daughter. This is your child now go act like a parent !!!
2006-09-12 18:03:50 · answer #7 · answered by kathygd1 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
So, what's the question?
He's 20, she's 16. She's jail bait for him.
2006-09-12 18:06:31 · answer #8 · answered by Bluealt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT ON PHONE , DO EITHER 1 OF THEM HAVE A WEBCAM????? I would be worried if my 16 yr. old daughter was on chatting w / a man on phone or computer..... AND NEVER LEAVE THAT KID HOMEALONE WHILE UR GONE WHO KNOWS WHAT HE ALREADY KNOWS, FROM HER.. GOOD LUCK..
2006-09-12 18:34:59 · answer #9 · answered by mike_m50501 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be the parent!
Unplug the phone, heck unplug the computer tower and lock it in your room.
It's your sacred duty to raise the child.
2006-09-12 18:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by p_rutherford2003 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋