SHOULD I JUST IGNROE HIM, OR SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING? I need advice....it's kind of tricky....?

Question

Bottom line...there's this boy at my college who is....well...."deformed" (for lack of a better term).....anyway, he's 100% mentally stable...he's not slow or anything...it's just that but his head is really long, his teeth are jagged, and his fingers are mangled...he was born that way.....but he's nice person....but he's just mad rude....he'll push his way through people without saying "excuse me," he reaches over people's food during meal hours, he doesn't hold doors open if you're a couple steps behind him...and I think people don't say anything because they try to be nice to him...but it's mad annoying when he pushes me and takes my napkins without asking...won't hold the elevator door open....little stuff like that...it sounds stupid, but it's mad annoying on a daily basis.....

Answer 1

He's developed this after years and years of being ridiculed in school. He's basically created a wall around himself to make sure nobody gets close enough to hurt him. He's also probably gotten a bit use to having his way given to him by authority type figures because of his deformity.

What you need to do is to say something. When he reaches accross you at the meal, smack his hand (yes, like a child, cuzz that's how he's acting) and tell him "NO". When he tries to push you out of the way, push him back.

Be prepared to appear like a bully. He's probably got a pretty handy defense mechanism where he starts to whine/grovel/cry or whatever when confronted to make you look like a complete @ss to whomever may see this but not know what a d.ckwad he is. Or maybe he get's violent, be prepared to knock the MF out and get the heck out of there.

BUT, by all means, stand your ground and confront him on a case by case basis.

Answer 2

If he pushes you say something, but kindly. The other stuff, ignore. These are your preferences. If you find his manners and bearing truly annoying you should avoid him. It is not our place to try to change other people, It never works anyway. And it is never appreciated.

It is up to each person individually to figure out when change is necessary. Perhaps someday he will notice a lack of people wanting to keep his company. If he is aware enough he will put two and two together.



The only thing you can do, really, is choose not to be affected by his behaviour and to do this you should spend as little time with him as possible.

Saying something will generally not make a difference. He may get angry and then you may get angry and then what could have been avoided altogether becomes something bigger.


I heard a good piece of advice once that said if you don't know the right thing to do or you can't decide between a few courses of action, do nothing. Time has a way of resolving things.

Answer 3

And you say this is a "grown" boy?? I think this sounds like a little boy. He isn't getting enough attention at home and is acting out. Ignore him and try to avoid him during lunch, hallways, and passing by. Just because someone looks a certain way does not give them the right to be rude. I know many handicapped people that have better manners than that.

Answer 4

Maybe you should say something. Like: "HEY! There is no excuse for being so rude!" He might be surprised. He might walk away & think before he does something again - at least in front of you. If he gets confrontational, say "We all have our problems, some are visible & some are not, but we all have to learn to play nice in the sandbox together! That's how society works." He should be stopped now - college is not the world at large & is more forgiving, but when he is looking for a job his attitude is not going to work. He needs to learn before he graduates. You will be doing him a favor. Good luck!

Answer 5

Yes, you have every right to be angry. If you really want an answer then just go up to him, privately, and ask what his deal is. Mention what he's done in the past and that you're fed up with it and ask why he has to be that way. I'm thinking that maybe he's been bullied and taunted all his life and he's just getting even, so to speak. Tell him how you feel and that what he does is not right and that he doesn't have to be that way. If he tells you off then forget him. Just stay clear of him and go about your own business without him bothering you.

Answer 6

he probably acts this way since he's probably been verbally abused due to his deformities from a young age. he expects to be called out or whatever so he acts accordingly to get that response. figure it out this way, were you to be in his shoes from bitrh with these deformities, don't you think you'd be less inclined to act nice since you've always had people treat you poorly due to your difference? I'm sure he's gone through a lot especially in grade school bcuz of this. pull him aside and talk. perhaps he IS just an azzhole and enjoys being that way. but, on the other hand, could be somehing else too.

Answer 7

Tell him he's being rude. People have probably been ignoring it since he was little and he's probably pissed that no one with tell him the truth. Some people do that because they want a reaction.... they want to be treated like everyone else. I bet if more people told him he was being an *** he'd slack off of the rudeness.

Answer 8

F that guy. Next time he is acting completely rude call him out on it. Say "perhaps other people will tolerate your rude behavior because they see you as handicapped. I know you're just as smart and capable as the rest of us AND BEING COURTEOUS is no exception. Give it a try.".

You're not being rude if you say it that way. Meanwhile he has been rude the entire time.

Answer 9

He is probably used to people being mean to him or making fun of him, so he's decided to just be rude right back. Not saying that you are rude to him, but he probably just expects everyone to be, so he kind of 'beats them to it' in a way. Or I could be totally wrong, either way! ;-)

Answer 10

He doesn't have the right to be rude. Just say Dude, ask next time... or Hey, can you hold the door, Please? Embarass him a little - he'[s used to being allowed to do what he wants. It is wrong.