What rights does my husband have if he wants nothing to do with his unborn baby?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 9 years and have a wonderful 4 year old daughter. He decided then to have an affair an unfortunatly got the girl pregnant. Before this we had a couple of minor problems but was overall a great dad and great husband. Because of this I decided to work things out for the sake of our family and because we truly love each other. He made a huge mistake and although I am still pissed off I know we can get through it. The problem now is the other girl. She is about 5 months pregnant and wants him to be involved and keeps calling him. He wants nothing to do with her or the baby. We agreed it would be less confusing for our daughter if it was never brought up. What can we do? Does his name have to be on the birth certificate? We are in california, any laws we should know about? How can we get her to leave us alone and let us fix our family?

Answer 1

first if she wants him on the birth certificate he will be on it but it is his choice if he wants to be part of the child's life personally i think he should but if he really doesn't want to be file a restraining order on the girl then she wont be able to call and bother him that would be the best way to avoid conflict

Answer 2

I think you need to talk to a lawyer. I believe that he has the right to give up his parental rights, which would include all contact and financial support, but I'm not sure. Each state is different and more than likely he will have to do a paternity test. If she is someone that he will not have anything to do with, then that might be the best option if neither one of you want to support or have any dealings with the woman or her child.
As far as your daughter, when she is old enough to understand, I would explain to her that she does have a half-sibling out there, but s/he is not a part of your lives. It would be completely devastating if she found out any other way than from her parents.
I also would suggest marital counseling for you and your husband to get through this for your sakes. Even though you know that you can get through this, you both need to be on the same page throughout all of this, especially for the sake of your daughter.
Best of luck and contact an attorney!

Answer 3

You are going to need a good attorney. He can be made to pay child support. While he may not want anything to do with this other woman, there is now an innocent third party involved. That child deserves to know and have a good father. He already made one mistake, and I applaud your willingness to work things out with him. But don't let him make another by letting him abandon this baby. It will be awkward at first, but over time, the two of you can make room for this child in your lives. He may even want to sue for custody if he thinks the two of you can provide a better home for the baby than the woman he had the affair with. That might also give her something to think about if you throw that out on the table.

Answer 4

I totally agree with what many people have said already about this. What did he think would happen? He could have an affair and nothing would happen? He did that, so he needs to deal with it, that's his fault, he cheated, he got her pregnant. That is so not right or fair of him to be doing that. It's basically as if he used her for sex. If he is or use to be, as you say, a great husband and father, why did he go out and cheat in the first place? I know it'll be difficult because of your four year old daughter but some times kids surprise us. Talk to a counselor or lawyer.

Answer 5

Your husband is a father of unborn human being. I agree that it was big mistake on his part to have an affair and couse you a lot of pain and grief, but what about this child it did not contribute in any way to the situation and should not be blamed. He has no obligation to be involved with the mother of his child but i think that he has to take full responsibility for his action and be involved with his unborn child. In California there is a requirement that the parent support child and mother of the child probably will petition the family court for the judgment. I think that your daughter should be told the truth.

Answer 6

first off you are a heartless witch...better for your daughter lady your husband did this and now there is going to be another kid that is his that has just as much right to have a dad as your daughter does!i hope you have to pay out the a** for child support!if the baby is his it doesnt matter what you want...the court is going to be on the babies side...not yours!and to add to the people saying that if he signs his rights away he wont have to pay child support this is not true..a judge will not approve that unless the mother agrees and there is a male wanting to adopt the child!also this other women is 5 months along and if she is getting any help on DR. bills from the state they can come back and collect that from your husband..the man that you have decided to work things out with has got you into a big mess...he made his bed and now you both are gonna have to lay in it!

Answer 7

what a mess! too bad you have been dragged into this.

Your husband is obligated to financially support the child (child support payments) once the baby is born and until the baby is 18. I sure hope he becomes a father to this child, rather than just giving money, because a baby deserves a Mom AND a Dad, even if its not convenient for him because he is married to someone else. Also, this child is your daughter's step-sibling. Family is family, and he has an obligation to this child now.

He should consider doing visitation on the weekends, and one night a week, just as divorced couples do.

However, I would strongly suggest insisting on a paternity test (a simple blood test) once the baby is born. You want to make SURE the baby is really his before he starts paying for it and visiting it, etc.

Answer 8

What he can do is sign away all parental rights. Make sure you go through the state and/or a lawyer. That means that he will no longer have any rights or responsibilty to the child. He might however recieve a call from her once she turns 18 wondering how come, but that is a completely different story. His name does not have to be on the birth certificate. If she would like to go after him for child support he has to acknowledge and she has to prove parentage. i.e. DNA.

Answer 9

I think it makes him less of a man if he's not part of this child's life. now this child has to go without a father because of his mistake? That's not fair. What would it be like for your daughter if he wasn't there for her. This is his responsibility. And if you will accept him back after his mistake, you also have to accept the consequences of that mistake or you are no better than he is. And your daughter will have a brother or a sister and never know? My cousin found out his parents kept that secret. He hates his parents for it. Starting out lying to daughter may not be a good way to build up trust. Regardless, you'll be paying child support. I'm sure you didn't ask for this and I am sorry for that, but you, thinking of your own child, should think of this one aswell, it's not that child's fault. it's your husband's. good luck.

Answer 10

I understand how you feel, however, how can you love a man who would walk out on an innocent child?

This child is innocent...he should not suffer for your marital problems or your husband's inablity to refrain from having sex with women who are not you. Do you really want to be responsible for another fatherless child out there?

This isn't just about your daughter, this is about your husband not wanting to take responsibility for his actions and you not wanting anything to do with the other woman, which is natural, but completely unfair to the baby.

You're right, it will be confusing for your little girl.....something your husband should have considered before having sex with someone other than her mother.... (please get tested for STDs including HIV/AIDS to be sure)....that said here is the bare minimum.

He has financial responsibility if the child is his....I don't know this woman, but she has sex with married men so who knows????? Have a DNA test at birth to be sure....he may have dodged a bullet........

If the baby is his he should establish paternity and pay child support, he could also be placed on your husband's responsibilities. This woman is always going to use the child to get to you and your husband. That is reality...but should the child be raised a bastard because of your problems?

As a social worker I advise marital and family counseling. As a mother, I advise you to consider that if you fail to tell your child about her sibling you are lying to her by omission. You don't have to tell her everything now, but she should be told.

Suppose GOD FORBID your child needs a transplant someday.....bet you won't be so hateful and want nothing to do with that child then.....

Besides, it is wrong to hurt this baby...the baby is innocent.

Answer 11

I know you dont want ot mess up your lives but its too late. First of all under the law in all 50 states including claifornia he is responsible for child support of that baby regardless of whetherhe sees jher or not. Additionally although its inconvenient is there any reason why this man should not have contac whith his biological child. Who is he to prevent that baby from having a father? Are you prepared to ruin the life of another human being for your own convenience? Instead your husband should be a man take responsibility for his actions and be involved in his childs life. If you are worrried about your 4 year old, Be a man and when she is old enough tell her what happenned and explain why it was a mistake, but allow her to enjoy the company of her little brother or sister. Or are you callous enough to deprive them both of this relationship too?