What should I do to help her.
2006-09-12 10:00:35 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That's a very hard thing, especially since she carried it to term. Honestly, she will never get over it, but the hope is that she'll eventually come to accept it. No one can time when or how that will happen. The best thing for you to do is 1. Don't bring it up unless she does first, 2. Don't ignore or try to change the subject when she does bring it up, 3. Just listen to her and let her vent when she does, let her know that you're truly sorry and that you can't even begin to imagine what she's going through, 4. Don't offer her advice or tell her you know her pain, because she hurts so much, her pain is a universe of it's own right now, 5. Don't tell her it's not her fault, don't imply that it is her fault, don't offer her any religious slogans, because pretty much anything you say is going to offend her or depress her even more, 6. Never ever ever tell her to get over it already because that's completely unreasonable, 7. Never tell her she can have another, because even if she does, it won't replace the first one. You don't know what's going to rub it in or be a sore spot for her. Don't tell her she needs counseling unless she asks you to help her find some. Every baby she sees on tv or in the street is going to remind her of her loss. Every friend or relative who has a baby is going to remind her of her yearning for her own lost child. Some days she's going to be mad at herself, God and the world. Other days she's just going to be depressed. She just needs a shoulder to cry on. She cannot be forced to move on before she's ready.
When I had my last miscarriage, I was devistated. My husband acted like he didn't even care and almost like he was happy about it. My two best friends stayed with me late into the night and just hugged me and let me cry silently. Which do you think was more helpful?
2006-09-12 10:30:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a mother who just lost a child... I know how she feels. Its not something that she will automatically snap out of.. it will be something that she endures. There will be bad days/good days. Needless to say, just be a good friend.. someone that will sit and listen when she needs to express her emotions. Call her and see how she is doing.. does she need anything. I would even suggest for her to go to counseling .. I have just started to attend yesterday and our son died on Aug 2, 2006. I have been explained that the grief of a loss of a child is extremely hard .. it holds two folds depression/anger. There will be good days/bad days .. moments of pure anger/moments of pure sadness. There is no time frame to move forward with your life. She needs to also know that is okay. There are a lot of good books as well out there to help with the healing process. I can not recommend any just yet, we had ordered a few but living in Germany they haven't arrived yet. The ones we did order are - I'll hold you in heaven, Empty Arms, We thought we were going to have a baby, instead we had a angel.
The other factor as well, she will be dealing with a lot of negative feedback .. someone sent this to me in email recently who has also suffered the same fate .. share this with her
"The grieving process can be very lonely and you may lose friends and family members along the way or, at least, lose there support. Many people truly want you to "get over it". I wish they would understand that if that were a possibility, you (I) would. No one wants to live with this much sadness and heartbreak. Grieving can also seem selfish at best, IT HAS TO BE, as you are honestly trying to survive. If you are not selfish at this one time in your life you will never work through your pain, you will never be able to give yourself completely to others again. This is a new path, a journey of love for your child and pain for your loss. It doesn't end, it only changes over time."
Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
2006-09-12 10:07:04 · answer #2 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to Eternal Love. My heart still aches terribly at times over the murder of my daughter in l992. There's a lot I could say. And my Mom just died July 9th; two days after what would have been my daughter's 30th birthday. We all grieve in different ways and the timing is also different. A child that dies before a parent is the hardest to deal with. I have been in therapy since and it took a psychoanalyst who specialized in this field to bring me to a point of starting a new life.
Try to find a grief recovery workshop in a church or the community that deals in the death of children. It helped me tremendously to understand the process of grief and how to try to work through it. A therapist, again, who specializes in or main strength is in children's deaths. I stress that because I went to so many until I found the one who really helped.
Things that hurt the most from well meaning people are, how are you doing, you need to get on with your life, you can have other children....
A grief recovery group helps to educate us on how to respond to such questions. When asked how I am doing, I would tell them it would be better if you just said it's nice to see me.
As suggested, support her by letting her know you care. There is only so much you can do for her. You have to take care of yourself too. The greatest gifts to her would be for her to know you care and are there if ever needed and to call around for a recovery group and go with her at first, till she's comfortable going by herself.
My best to you for your love and concern for your cousin. If you want to contact me, email me. Just click on my icon and it will take you to my site. God Bless you and your cousin.
2006-09-12 10:37:57 · answer #3 · answered by pj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just stay by her and let her know that she has your support and let her greive for the baby she lost. If you are asking if she will ever get over it the answer is no. Losing a child is the hardest trial a woman can go through, I should know, and the pain is still here in my heart.
2006-09-12 10:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know this already, time is a healer. Just be there for her, to talk to, to cry to and so she knows your there. Maybe she needs a bit of extra help - bereavement counselling or something...might help. There help groups that deal with this type of thing, I would call the Maternity Hospital and ask them for telephone numbers and give them to her...maybe offer to go with her....your obviously a good friend already though. Hope it gets easier for her.
2006-09-12 10:59:48 · answer #5 · answered by aza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
particular, i've got faith she did. while liam asked, the Dr merely grew to become away. rather particular the child is long gone. Steffie isn't wide awake yet the two.. She would not have been on a bike being pregnant first of all..
2016-10-14 22:33:04 · answer #6 · answered by woodworth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her, Sometimes, the death of a child at birth or otherwise takes a long time to get over...some people never do...just be there for her when she needs you.
2006-09-12 10:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by lil_rowdy1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for her when she needs to talk.
It is a devastating thing to lose a child.
It may take a long time for her to let go.
I know from personal experience
2006-09-12 10:04:29 · answer #8 · answered by witchfromoz2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be there for her and be supportive. Dont say things like "You can always have more children". Having more can never replace the one she lost.
2006-09-12 10:02:37 · answer #9 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats normal that happened 2 my aunt 2 she was sad about 2 yrs
2006-09-12 10:03:03 · answer #10 · answered by Whitney W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋