Are these red flags?

Question

Been going out with this guy fo 2 weeks now. We're always together lately but there are some things about him that I dont feel about. I dont have much experience with guys that's why I need some thoughts:
1. I dont know where he lives (our only common friend doesnt know either)
2. The longest relationship he had was less than a year.
3. He dated a lot of girls for short duration of times
4. He hates his mother who cheated on his dad
5. He's 35 years old and a grade school teacher
6. He's not into any kind of sport or hobbies
7. He tells me a lot of nice things which I sometimes doubt.
8. He said he suffered from depression for several years
9. He always gets a lot of calls from women he said are his friends, co-workers, a girl he teaches to learn to speak english (and she teaches her spanish)
10. His new XB scion of 3 mos. is already reading 8,000 in mileage ( i get a bad feeling abt this, i dont know why)
11. He said he already told his friends abt me (never met them)

Answer 1

A lot of these things are red flags. You just got to trust your natural woman's intuition. If these things are giving you doubts in your mind about your relationship, then they are probably right. If you've noticed all these things that are bothering you, then I think the best thing to do is to move on. It doesn't really sound like he's looking for a long term relationship anyway. I hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 2

Let's go down the list:

1. I dont know where he lives (our only common friend doesnt know either)

"Always together lately" but don't know where he lives? Okay, maybe that's a flag...

2. The longest relationship he had was less than a year.

Not necessarily a red flag.

3. He dated a lot of girls for short duration of times

Not really a flag... unless it just means he's difficult to please or difficult in general. I'm sure you'll figure out soon enough why his relationships haven't lasted.

4. He hates his mother who cheated on his dad

This can certainly be a red flag. It never bodes well when a man hates his mother. He needs counseling to get over that, forgive her and move on.

5. He's 35 years old and a grade school teacher

Uh... men are allowed to teach school. No flag here.

6. He's not into any kind of sport or hobbies

Not a flag. Academics are not always into sports and not everyone has organized hobbies.

7. He tells me a lot of nice things which I sometimes doubt.

Like what? Compliments or nice things about himself? If you doubt anything he's telling you, that sounds more like a "you" issue...

8. He said he suffered from depression for several years

Some folks do have bouts with depression. It's a flag, yes, but it's good that he's honest. I'd be more concerned with where he is NOW. Is he using medication to alleviate his depression? Is he in counseling? Does he feel his current plan is successful for him or does he still struggle periodically? Was he ever suicidal? Inpatient? How severe has his depression been? Mild, moderate, severe? You should find these things out as you go along...

9. He always gets a lot of calls from women he said are his friends, co-workers, a girl he teaches to learn to speak english (and she teaches her spanish)

He's a grade school teacher. Most elementary level teachers are female. I'm sure his friends, co-workers and folks he would exchange teaching language to would all be female as that's most of who he comes into contact with during the course of a normal day.

10. His new XB scion of 3 mos. is already reading 8,000 in mileage ( i get a bad feeling abt this, i dont know why)

Do you know for a fact he did not purchase this used or from a leasing company? Perhaps he took ONE LONG TRIP OVER THE SUMMER for vacation and put a lot of miles on it. He's a teacher. He's off in the summer. Maybe he likes driving up the coast or something... who knows... it's hardly suspicious. My dad takes one trip to see me and he's put 2000 miles on his car roundtrip. He comes out about twice a year. Maybe this guy has a friend who lives 1000 miles away he visits in the summer.

11. He said he already told his friends abt me (never met them)

Two weeks and you haven't met his friends? Not unusual at all.

I think you're sort of overreacting and I'm not sure to what at this point. If you normally have really good intuition, then keep your eyes open but so far you don't have much of anything to go on. It hink the biggest issue for me would be that he hates his mother. The rest of it isn't much to go on at this point.

Not knowing where he lives might just be because he's dated a lot and had a few stalkers when the relationships were over. Maybe he's just more comfortable waiting to see what's going to happen before giving out that information. Some guys are really open about where they live and some never take you there until you've been together for months.

Good luck. Don't automatically rule him out. If you're really curious about the car, ask what he did over the summer and if he took any vacations or anything... and if he says "Yes, I decided to take the new car cross country to visit my old college buddy who teaches (3000 miles away)" then you'll know.

Answer 3

If you are even asking this question, then there's a problem in your mind. Any particular reason why you don't know where he lives? You seem to know a lot of other things about him. I'd just come out and ask him. If he's vague about answering this, you may want to move on before there's too much of an attachment on your side.

The best bet with most guys is to play hard to get. If he's really into you, he will be calling you. Most women make the mistake of calling and chasing after the guy and that often doesn't work.

Answer 4

In My Opinion, there are some bad signs. But in 2 weeks don't expect all mysteries to be solved. But never having been to his house in 2 weeks seems more than a little odd to me too.
Sometimes, the best evaluation can come from someone who doesn't know him. Like us, or a friend of yours. There's a lot of info missing but based on what you have listed, I'd say becareful.

Answer 5

Hmmmm,...
I dont like # 1, 3, 7, 8, 9, "10", 11

The rest are ok I guess. I never liked men with depression history, they would get me down, and I dont like that. The fact that he has so many miles on it, is a big NO NO. It sounds like he has a far away secret,.... tooo big to keep in town. But the biggest one is,.... #1. Who knows,... maybe he lives in his car,... why would you date someone like that? I think ur too good for this guy.

Answer 6

RUN GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!! If anyone knows a bullshi**er, it's me. And he is bs-ing you. Especially if he does not show you where he lives, BIG RED FLAG. He may already have someone at home. Why not do a background check on this guy? Should be easy if he is teaching school. Also, a guy will treat you the way he treats his mom. Think about it...

Answer 7

I dont know for sure without meeting the person in person, but maybe you have cause to wonder. Do keep in mind however if you are looking for red flags, they will pop out at you . Proceed Cautiously

Answer 8

Sounds like this guy really has a lot going on in his life. Get out while you can before it is to late. He needs to sort out all of his issues before he can really be in a relationship.

Answer 9

I would say yes, there are flags up.. ask to see his place. or ask little things to get clues to where he lives. being 35 and never having a relationship over a year is a big flag to me..

My suggestion - get out.

Good luck honey

Answer 10

Trust your own intuition above all else. YES, these are red flags. Ditch this guy and run as far and fast as you can. There is something not right about him. That much is certain.