i want to know something...?

Question

have you ever watched someone you loved die?My fiance has his little brother had died at a young age and my fiance was there the whole time watching his father trying to save him.But nothing worked my fiance tell's me that his memorial is on the 19th this month what should i do?He wants me to go but his mother doesn't want me to be there i don't want to start any trouble i just want to be there to help him while he stands on his little brother's grave crying but can you help me what flowers should i get what can i do for his mother?what can i do for him?please 10 points to the perfect and polite answer.

i know how it feels to watch someone die i has worked at a nursing home in my senior year and i had watched and old sweet man die who i feel friendly with and i couldn't go to his funeral because it was out of state but i know how it feels to watch someone you loved die.

Answer 1

I am not too sure how many years that the family have been having this memorial. His mom may just feel that only the immediate family should be there. You could approach his mom by saying that you are looking forward to being a part of the family and want to be there for all of them. You would love to be supportive for them during this difficult time and especially for your fiance. Give her some time to think this over. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for his parents because losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to people. The other option is you could offer to go with your fiance and wait in the car for him or maybe you and he could do a memorial with just the two of you. Just be kind and understanding which I think will be easy for you based on your question. Good luck.

Answer 2

Everyone has their own way of grieving and there is no right or wrong way. I would strive by all means to keep peace with everyone. There is no right kind of flowers, though you might ask your fiance what his little brother liked or what his mom likes and get them. I would also have your fiance explain to his mom why he needs you there and have him convince her to let you go. If you try to do it yourself, you probably will only wind up on your future mother-in-law's bad side and maybe even getting into an argument, something you definitely don't want before a wedding, let alone after it. If it can't be resolved peacefully for you to go, then don't go. Your future mother-in-law will remember that you tried to make her happy and it will pay off sometime later when you least expect it, but will need it from her. Your fiance will also remember later that you tried to keep the peace and reward you for it too, but maybe not immediately since he is grieving right now.

Answer 3

So, to be clear, your fiance's mother doesn't like you - that really, really sucks that a woman would deny her son happiness.

I would say that perhaps your best bet would be to spend some really deep, quality time with your fiance before the funeral - right before the funeral. You could drive him to the funeral and send him off knowing how much you love him and care for him, and that you will be standing next to him in spirit. Pick him up after the funeral and take him to his favorite restaurant, perhaps something dark and quiet, where you two can talk.

I agree with you that the funeral of your fiance's brother is not the place to work out the problems his mother has with you. You could be hard-line about this and say "He's my fiance', screw you," but you have to ask yourself if that would help HIM. He is the one that needs your love and attention, not her.

At the funeral he can get with his family and friends. And if his mother says anything negative about you not being there, he will KNOW that you ARE there in spirit, standing next to him, filled with love and the promise of a brilliant future together.

Good luck - and I mean that sincerely.

FP

Answer 4

I guess you have to respect the mothers wishes. It was her son . Her living son is your boyfriend, so I guess you'll have to remain supportive in the background. I would feel the same way if my child died . I wouldn't want what ever current girlfriend ( fiance) my son had to be there. You should consider the whole family's feelings , not just your own. And you really can't help him while he's standing there on his brothers grave. It's a personal loss.You can be there at the grave when your his wife.In the mean time you can be there for him when it's over, and moms not around.

Answer 5

Sometimes the best thing to do is watch from a distance if your not wanted there, but at least he'll know your intentions are good. If you do insist to be there, I think some carnations, a nice simple bouquet would be nice, and as for the mother, a friendly yellow rose maybe and try to embrace her and keep the sincere look on your face, and hopefully she'll give in. I feel that your a sweet person and I really hope they appreciate you being so supportive......lot's of women aren't like you.......he's a very lucky man regardless of the circumstances.

Answer 6

This is a hard one. I watched my babies father commit suicide 12 years ago and it was a very tramautic event. Anytime a person looses a loved one is hard. I know for me I needed lots of support to get through such a tough time. I hated when people told me they knew how I felt, because they didn't! Be careful with your words and don't force him to talk about it unless he wants to. Let him know that you are there for him if he needs anything. If he talks just listen and let him cry on your shoulder if needed to. The most important thing you can do is pray! Pray for God to help him deal with his pain. Ask him comfort him in his time of need as well as his families. Whether or not you go with him is entirely up to you. If he asked you he to go chances are it would mean a great deal to him if you did! This is going to take time. Only time will heal his heart! Also counseling is very helpful after the death of a loved one! After a little time has gone by he can write a letter to his brother, saying all the things that he never got to say! Then read it at his grave! this is very theraputic and helped me very much! It's basically getting all your feelings out and expressing them! Good luck with this and you all will be in my prayers!!
I promise it does get better!! (speaking from experience) Just love him!!!

Answer 7

I'm sure the mother just wants the family there, that was there throught he whole ordeal.I would feel the same way. I was there when my grandpa died, some times you just have to let the family be together in this time of grieving. If you do decide to go for support for your finace, for flowers fo for some thing that won't wilt way too quickly. Do not bring a large bouquet, just a few flowers. As for the mother, maybe you should go and talk to her by yourself and explain your situation with you finace, and that you want to be there for his support system. See what she has to say. Take in consideration what she says as well, she just wants the best for her family.Take care and all the best in what ever you decide.

Answer 8

I know how it is, I watched my grandpa die this last April. We had to take him off life support and just wait. It was the worst ever!! I know how hard it is. Be there for him and support him. He needs you by his side. You are going to be his wife. He is more important to you than his mother. If he wants you to be there, you should go. Just steer clear of mom. Be respectful, you don't have to start any confrontations, but stand your ground, but be nice. If you are going to marry this man, you and his mother need to at least learn to tolerate each other. She needs to accept that you are going to be family, like it or not, she might as well accept it now.

Let his mother know that you are there for him not her and you will stand by him no matter what. He needs your love and support, and his mother needs to grow up!!

I'm sure any kind of flowers would be nice, but a bright colorful bouquet variety could help cheer things up a bit. Good luck, I know how hard it is. It's never easy to loose a loved one, just be patient and let the mourning take place.

Answer 9

It might be very hard for his mom to have someone else that is not part of the family moan the lost of her child.
Is understandable, and you should talk to your honey about that, don't get to far away but give his family the space the mom is asking for. Be ready to be there for your honey after wards,
Try not to get flowers that are to big, big doesn't mean better. Something medium size with light pastel colors, do some research and if you can get a picture of the little boy with his mom dad and your BF you can added to the flowers with a cute poem. Be creative but not to cocky.

Little by little his mom will let you in to her space, but don't push it you don't want any problems.

Answer 10

As a mother I must say ,do what her wishes are. If its that important your boyfriend should express his feelings to his mom. Let him talk to her ,not you. If she still is certain she would rather you not be there,respect that. Explain to your boyfriend that you do not want to make the memorial about you and that when it is possible for you to be with him maybe the two of you could go later in the day. Flowers to the mother would be a nice touch with a simple card that reading "thinking of you" maybe let his mother know if she needs anything to let you know.