Has anybody else gone through what I'm going through?

Question

My Mom died of stomach cancer after bravely fighting it for 4 months, nearly a month ago. At first everyone was great and supportive but now it's as if they're not bothered about me. I'm back at work and the first week everyone was quite caring but now they're back to telling me off about things and not asking how I am. It's as if they're fed up with me now and expect me to be over it by now and go back to normal.

Answer 1

I think grief is a very personal experience, when you first went back to work, everyone knew what to say and how to show support, but as time goes on people find it difficult to talk about your loss possibly because they have never experienced this, or because they are worried about mentioning it in case they upset you. Try to talk to a close friend about it. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Answer 2

I lost my Mom to cancer in 1998 after a six month battle. I know exactly what you're going through. People often seem insensitive because they just plain don't know what to say. I'm sorry just feels like such a lame thing to say to someone after they have gone through such a devastating experience. I've been on both sides of this. When a good friend of mine experienced a similar loss I just let her know that I was there for her if she needed to talk, but I didn't talk about it unless she brought it up. Like I said these people may seem like insensitive jerks but honestly they just don't know what to say. You can't expect them to treat you any way but normal now. They don't want to make you sad by reminding you. Look for comfort from family and close friends not the people you work with. This will get better though it doesn't feel like it know. Cancer is such a cruel thing, and it will forever change the way you look at life. I'm sorry for your loss and if you need to talk I have 8 years experience dealing with this. Some things that have helped me are prayer (of course), giving to cancer related charities(St. Jude's), and seeing a therapist. I can't say it has been easy, but now I can think about the good times we had together and be happy rather than sad. I wish you the best in your recovery from this devastating experience.

Answer 3

That's quite a normal feeling when you've been through a bereavement. People expect you to 'get over it' when actually it takes a long time. Have you got any close friends who will be more supportive, and who you can talk things through with. If you're really still finding things hard after another couple of months, contact Cruse, for bereavement counselling, they're really good. Website below:

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

Answer 4

I am really sorry for your loss, its so very hard when you lose your mom, I know for everyone who has lost someone it is hard, but losing your mom just feels harder and hurts so much more, when I lost my mom to breast cancer 7 years ago it was so hard, yes people were fairly supportive for a week or so, then they started crossing the road to avoid me, then they told me to pull my socks up and get on with it, then they said I was always so miserable lately and god it was 6 weeks ago can't you just get over it and get on with it, so hard and so unfair of people to be so insensitive like that, especially as those are the ones who would think the whole world had ended and not just their own world.
I know the world has to carry on and also that life has to go on, but grief hits all people differently and yours might not even have come out properly yet, as hard as it is, try not to let those people who seem to think you should just get on with things hurt you anymore than they have, just look at them with the pity they deserve for been so thoughtless and shallow about your feelings, I hope that one day no matter how long that might be, that your feeling much stronger and will be able to cope more than you can now, don't beat yourself up for loving your mom, not ever.











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Answer 5

My mum died when I was 16 from cancer. I am 29 now. Its not that people dont care its just life does go on, and they probably do intend to call and everything but they get wrapped up in their own lives. I nearly died when I was 18 (not self harm or anything) and everyone felt guilty as they all felt no one had looked out for me, I was just left to get on with things. I knew peopel were always there for me but to be honest I am glad I didnt have the fuss as it left me to grieve on my own in private and left me to be independant.

I know a month is not long but if those around you havent suffered the same loss then it is difficult for them to understand, but if you were to say to those close to you you are finding things difficult I am sure they would be there.

I am really sorry to hear about your mum, it doe sget better in time and I am a beleiver that they are still with us.

Answer 6

People are probably assuming that you are further along in the grieving process than you are. It's seems that you are seeking comfort from outside sources and being disappointed, only delaying your recovery more. It's all a process and I'm sure one day you will be able to look back on your mother's life with happiness and not sadness. Until then maybe you should contact a hospice group in your area. They often have grief counselors and support groups that are free.

Answer 7

Been there lost my mum to breast cancer, a few years back. sorry to here of your loss. i have found that people dont know what to say incase they upset you so they say nothing to be on the safe side.Talk to a friend at work or your direct boss to discuss any problems you are having coping it takes time for things to get back to anything like normal. everyone is different and deals with things there own way. if you feel uncomfortable this can also be a form of bullying at work.and could be dealt with through your work disciplinary code. good luck for your future....chin up

Answer 8

What you have to realize is that people grieve in different ways. Your coworkers and friends may believe that it's best to drop the subject and let you go on with your life. Obviously you feel differently and would prefer that everyone still show their support. I hate to say it, but it's probably best to try and move on. Deal with your pain but try not to make yourself miserable. Just because others don't hold on vocally doesn't mean you can't continue to show your love and respect to your mother. If it helps you to talk about it, you might reach out to a grief counselor so that other peoples apathy doesn't get to you. Try not to take your grief out on those around you. Just because they aren't openly speaking of your mother's death doesn't mean they don't care. They just believe that your best interest is to keep moving and not be constantly reminded of the loss. You're going through something painful, and that can cloud your judgment and make you feel alone. Try to find some help dealing with it. Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

I'm sorry. It's not that they're fed up with you. People forget and get back in the grove of thinking about themselves. I've heard this from a lot of people (lots of support at first and then it trickles off). They probably still wish you well but are just selfish (as we all are really).

Answer 10

sorry to hear you have lost your mother hun, the ppl at your work are typical of todays society, of course there is no time limit on grief & we all have diff ways in how to deal with it, i guess they r at a loss as what to say to u now. if they have given their advice & sympathy a few times it looks like u just ignore it they wont keep sayin it to apease you, not like a good friend would.may be vist your gp to refur u to cruise or a berevment counsellor. i lost my mum as a young child and always felt the loss no 1 can fill the gap she left but i bet its getting a little easier for u 2 handle already. so have hope and remember all the great things you have done together, memorys to make u smile, cherish them.