My long distance bf has a female friend he is getting really close to, calls her all the time (even promises to call when they leave work together and she seems to flirt with him too in messages). I asked him if I have anything to worry about and he got upset saying that I shouldn't ask him this coz I should know (but how would I know if he is sending extremely nice gestures towards her). Most of all it is not him I am worried more about how she is misinterpreting it. He might like her subconciously only god knows.
My point is if I am not comfortable and I ask him for assurance am I wrong for doing that?
2006-09-12 07:26:51 · 19 answers · asked by xxginaleexx 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just about all my friends are male and I have no sexual interest in them what-so-ever, so it is possible to have really good different gender friends, but in this case, it really does sound like they're turning into something more than that.
No, there is nothing wrong in you asking for reassurance. It's not like you're accusing him of not being able to keep his hands off every female he's ever met, you're asking him about one person in particular because his activities and her responses are making you uncomfortable. That's perfectly reasonable. The fact that he's getting all worked up about the question AND not giving you a real answer is what makes it really suspect.
It sounds like they have developed an attraction. What you don't know is whether or not they've acted upon it yet. I hate to say it, but chances are he's either thinking about it and just holding on to you as a safety net incase the new relationship doesn't work out, or they already are an item and he feels too guilty to break up with you so he's dragging it out. Either way, it sounds like you've already lost him and you're just playing a waiting game. If that's the case, it's not fair for him to be dating or even thinking about dating other people while expecting you to wait for him.
If you want, you can give him the benefit of the doubt and tell him that because you love him, it's really important to you that he takes your concern seriously and gives you a real honest answer.
2006-09-12 07:54:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men need female friends to reassure them that they are attractive and desirable. If you want him to limit his acquisition of "friends", then you really need to give him a bigger, better offer at home... something that will rock his world, and make him forget all about long distance buddies. Other women make him feel like a man, and the only way you can counter that is if you make him feel like a GOD. It's not necessarily fair or logical, but it is the true nature of the beast. If your beast is pleasantly busy at home with you, it will become hard to find time to chat with others. And that is how you will successfully tame your beast. Capische?
2006-09-14 05:13:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend lives far away from you and has a new "female friend" and if you question him about it HE gets upset. He is being extremely nice to her, leaving work with her, is getting close to her, calling her, and YOU feel uncomfortable?
Um... sounds to me- and I'm sorry to say this- but it sounds to me like he's dating and falling for someone else and doesn't have the guts to tell you. (Just in case it doesn't work out with this new "friend", he can have his fun dating and romancing someone new and exciting and you'll still be sitting there all worried and scared to talk to him- how attractive.)
Don't kid yourself and blame HER for "misinterpretng" it- HE's the one who is enjoying the calls, the flirting, the leaving from work together, making her promises-- that's what HE is DOING. Plus, you're not even around, so he's practically single.
Now read over what you said he's doing-- is that what you want in a boyfriend? If he continues with this girl, and makes you feel worried and scared and insecure and he gets upset with you-- do you really want him? I wouldn't. And I'm sorry but I think he's already dumped you but forgot to tell you. Sorry. :-(
2006-09-12 07:34:54 · answer #3 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A lot of guys get upset if you ask them about this sort of thing... ESPECIALLY if they're cheating or have feeling for another person. I'd say look for another guy... even though you probably like this one to be with him and whatnot. He should know better than to flirt if he's in a relationship. How did you find out he was flirting with her?
2006-09-12 07:35:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your long distance bf has a "local" girlfriend. You are the long distnace one and she in the "local" one.
If you don't like that then you need to terminate the relationship. On the plus side, this gives you the opportunity to go out with guys that are "local" to you now.
2006-09-12 07:44:51 · answer #5 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to say that if he is gettin angry about you asking him questions about his friends, he's hiding something. Another thing, he should not want to call another female like that when he has you. You know in your heart and go with your gut. If he met her after you and they weren't friends before you, I'd be really careful and keep my guard up.
2006-09-12 07:33:08 · answer #6 · answered by ConfusedK 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he really loved you and you asked him to stop seeing her and hanging out he would, why would he put himself in a situation that could hurt you. Start pretending to have someone that close in your life and see how the tables turn!!
2006-09-12 07:34:39 · answer #7 · answered by brunette 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it depends on how long they've been friends and how long you two have been together. This could just be the dynamics of their friendship. If she was there before you then i think that you owe their friendship a bit of respect. however, if you are that uncomfortable with it then approach him with your concerns and see how he responds. if he is defensive then something may be going on.
2006-09-12 07:31:22 · answer #8 · answered by finewine 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
dump him.... if he gets angry over your feelings, then he's an idiot in the first place, he's not putting your feelings first priority and it's very rude of him to rub this into your face. Sounds like the typical egotistical idiot that wants women to fight over him. He's not worth it and will probably do this to anyone who he is interested in. Player is all I can say.... Dump the loser!
2006-09-12 07:32:39 · answer #9 · answered by Tainted_Halo 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I may be old school but I do not think that a man & woman can just be friends cause one or both may have feelings it just depends on who acts on that first. sorry!!!
2006-09-12 07:31:19 · answer #10 · answered by "karma" 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋