dont just have to be stuck in the house all day (like te last 2 years) I have said I will get a job to pay for the suv, but he said he would and then when we went looking for one he bitched about how he had to pay for it, "Its my money, I work" was what he said basically. I am a stay home mom and Iam bored to death of staying home all day, I want to do things that dont involve staying inside. He makes around a hundred grand yearly as well. We arent in debt either. I dont think this is fair as he has a new truck and I have to take the bus with a kid and tons of people, a vehicle take 10 minutes to get somewhere...a bus, 30 to 50 minutes. I have decided to take matters into my own hands and cut him off until I see a vehicle that runs in the driveway that isnt his. Am I being fair? Dont forget this has been almost 2 years now, he always promises but never delivers.
2006-09-12 07:23:09 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Please remember, this was the plan in the beginning, I would stay home and raise the kid (until school started) and he would work outside the house. I was also promised a car from the start, and of course excuses. Now he doesnt get any, if I dont get a car...sounds fair to me...and if he gets it somewhere else, so be it...I leave!
2006-09-12 07:44:46 · update #1
I cannot really work opposite shifts as he works in fort mac, out of town!
2006-09-12 08:07:02 · update #2
He souns like he is a control freak , if you have to go to work and make your own money you might as well do it with the freedom of no husband telling you you cant., he is a controler
2006-09-12 07:50:28 · answer #1 · answered by Kitten,Doc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you seem pretty pissed about being a mom.. having to devote your time to "THE KID" and the house.
Maybe you should opt for a gas saver vehicle, such a a mini van whihc gets better gas mileage than an SUV, which is known to be a gas hog.
Toyota has some nice 4 cylinder cars which are very good on gas, as do Chevy, GMC and Ford. Do you have to have a NEW car or could you settle for a good used car.
Many dealerships have great prices on used cars and they come with a warranty as well. You can buy a good used vehicle for around $15,000.00 and under.
My mother recently bought a Ford Windstar SEL for $11,500.00.. It was still underwarrant because it had been only driven by a sales person.
heres a good site to check out before bying a used vehicle http://www.carfax.com
And if you can by a used car do so, it will save money on payments and you wont be in debt.
http://www.kbb.com Kelly Blue Book
http://www.carmax.com/dyn/usedcar/usedcar.aspx
http://www.edmunds.com/
One thing though... If he's that possessive about you not working I would question what others things are you not allowed to have or do.
It can be hectic staying home all the time. But I'd rather be home than running the roads in a car all the time.
I had a car and I sold it.. We just didnt need 3 cars. Besides with me taking care of the kids and my mom full time, I was always in someone elses car. Mom's or my sons, or my husbands.
2006-09-12 07:48:09 · answer #2 · answered by Shalamar Rue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! It seems like I'm going through the same thing you are! I have a 17 month old dIaughter and my husband wont get me a car either. We just moved from Texas to California and it was fine back at home because at least my mom would pick me or something but now halfway across the country I have noone. I feel your pain. I have no car and no way to get anywhere. Not even the bus because my husband wont even give me money. If I want to go anywhere, it'r for a walk with the baby in the stroller. I hope that you can fix your problem and have your husband buy you a car. We're moms and we deserve it because being a stay at home mom is the same as having 2 full time jobs!
2006-09-12 08:37:47 · answer #3 · answered by I smile because of them ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's so strange, he's being unreasonable. Has he ever been in the house with a two yr old ALL day, he's lucky you haven't strangled your child already!
Try being gone for a whole day on Sunday, say some kind of emergency with a friend/family and let him see what it's like to be home with a child all day.
Do you have control of his checkbook, if you do go to a dealership and get a vehicle without him, just the down payment of course.
If not you need to do some more convincing and start packing one day like you are leaving. Scare him a little
And you know what I went to the Ford dealership and I am going to get a 2-3 yr old minivan. They say that the minivans, especially at Ford, depreciate about $10,000 once they are driven off the lot and so you can get a 2004, nice looking, loaded, with under 20,000 miles for around $15,000. Then if you have good credit you can get 0% financing so the payments could be as low as $275. Use your own name and just make up a employment and have them call your sister or someone pretending to be your employer, that's what I did.
2006-09-12 07:57:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ma-am you are headed on the road to ruin. Your husband is insecure he has a control issue. He worries down deep that if you have a car he will lose you. The with holding sex will only worsen this problem. I believe some marital counseling is in order. Also you need to tell your husband that you love him. If a divorce is what you want that is what you will get. A decision you will regret and pay for the rest of your life. Especially because you have children together. If money is the problem compromise SUV suck anyway they ride like log trucks and literally suck the gas. So for the child's sake and your own get some outside help with this.
2006-09-15 19:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by tholion 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's to stop you from getting a part time job? He can forbid you, but he can't really stop you. You should have a vehicle in case of emergencies. And if he's worried about the cost of a vehicle, do you really need an SUV, if so, could a used one suit your needs? I drove a 4 door neon for the first year of my daughter's life and it worked fine. I am expecting my second child and now I have a dodge magnum (station wagon), both are great cars and cost a lot less than an SUV.
2006-09-12 07:31:57 · answer #6 · answered by S. O. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my kids were little I demanded my own transportation too! It was just a little used car but at least I could go places.
Tell him its for safety reasons and that you want to be able to take your child to the doctor or hospital if you need to.
This is a control issue. So take back the control. Is he worried that you can sheck up on him if you have a car?
Maybe you should start by tellin ghim you need the truck one day. That you'll drive him to work and keep it for the day. Do this 2 - 3X a week and he'll get sick of it.
I'd be tempted to post this question at drphil.com and see what responses you get.
2006-09-12 07:32:03 · answer #7 · answered by K M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are your hubbys reasons for not wanting you to get a job? I'm afraid that it is due to his insecurities that he wants you home and to himself. Hence why he doesn't want you to get a car? Like you said, it's been 2 years. Being a "stay-home" mom is suppose to be a relative term, but it sounds as though he is taking it SERIOUSLY! Tell him you love him, and ask him why he doesn't want you to work or drive. Taking away sex is never the answer. He is not a child, and by "punishing" him in that manner will only create more hostility. I am a firm believer in communication. Make him answer you, even if the answer to your question seems quite childish. By communicating, reaffirming and reassuring each other, you build trust and bond. I think this is deeper then just him not letting you get a car.......
2006-09-12 07:40:51 · answer #8 · answered by frigidx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on what sort of work he does, could you drop him off in the morning and pick him up in the evening? That would free up the car, which might otherwise just be sitting in the parking lot....
Yes, it is his money; but he needs to realize that these are HIS children that you're raising for him, and that marriage is a partnership.
The other alternative is: have you considered looking for some sort of part-time work, or a job you could perform out of your home, so that you could pay for a vehicle of your own?
Best of luck sorting things out with your husband....
2006-09-12 07:32:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men can be so self centered. Tell him your taking some money out and getting your own car. That money is for your whole family not just for him. Why can't he see your side of the issue? I would drill it into him til he gives in. How about this why don't you rent one and then make him pay the bill? If you want out that bad I'm sure you'll find a way. Good luck.
2006-09-12 07:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously...get a job. Cutting him off will make things much worse, you working will only make things bad for a little while plus it fulfills your self worth...please don't become another "puppet". My ex did me the same way...he ended up divorcing me and running me throught the ringer, b/c I had no money to battle him in the divorce...I struggled financially and put myself through school. I am now an Accountant...have my 4 children full time, I own a BMW(4-fun) and a Sequoia (4-family). Life is better w/your own $$. Dont let him crush you.
2006-09-12 07:47:48 · answer #11 · answered by hunter_bug_4me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋