TODDLER PROBLEM: My kid is 21 months old and almost never listens to me when I tell him to stop?

Question

from doing something but he will listen to me when I say "want a cookie,toy etc" Like if I say do not touch the dvd player he ignores me, or if I say dont touch that he touches it. I dont think his hearing is screwed up, as he listens to other things that benefit him. I am getting really fed up with this, some days I want to beat him (no I never really will) because its so frustrating. My husband works all day or out of town sometimes, so for the most part I am the primary caregiver, even when he is home. What todo?

Can spanking his *** be used against me if me and my husband ever got a divorce?

Btw, I am not a bad parent, so anyone who says that will not get read.

Answer 1

He's just a toddler! Get a time out chair and tell him that when he doesn't listen, he will be put in time out. If he does something that he's not supposed to do, first give him a warning. If he continues not to listen, pick him up and put him in the chair. Time out should be 1 minute for each year old the child is. If he gets out of the chair, pick him up and put him back in it and start the time count again. It may take an hour for him to understand that you are not going to let him out of the chair until he sits there for his time out, but he will eventually get it. Don't spank him. You are just teaching him that it's O.K. to hit.

Answer 2

Play with him! He's probably bored. Spanking, smacking and hitting a child is wrong and there is never a good reason for it. When he is not good hold his hands, get down to his level and say no. If he does it again give him a warning like: time out on the stairs or in the corner of a room with no toys. Or convescate a toy and he can't have it back til he does some-thing good.So if he does it again, carry out the warning. Stick to your guns. Don't bribe him with toys and cookies to stop him as he will think he has done some-thing good and is now getting a treat for it so is more likely to do it again. Also make a sticker chart for when he is good and bad and say you want smiley faces all week instead of sad ones. or some thing. Or watch super - nanny on channel four every tuesday and get some tips. She's really good. I hope ive helped. Good luck!x

Answer 3

I spanked my older sons but not my younger one, I found out it does NOT work, oh your child will fear you, but that's not what you want. There is nothing wrong with your sons hearing. But the more you say don't or no, the less he will listen.

Try not to say no as much as you can, they just tune it out. Distraction is the best thing you can do and try. Move him away from the object. I also put all things like vcr's stereos, out of his reach, why tempt him ?

You also sound like you need a break! Do you have a mom? mom in law? friend? sister? anybody who can give you a little time away? Is there a class the two of you can take together that would put a positive spin on the time you spend with him?

I urge you to not lose your temper and enjoy this time. He sounds like a very bright child and he is pushing you. One day you will look back on this and think, ok that wasn't so bad.

Go get some books from the library on parenting, they have great tips on child rearing, ones that don't include hitting your child?

Answer 4

Selective hearing is a fact of life. Whether it is your child, husband, parent, employee, .... sometimes it seems like you are never heard. Children seem to be particularly good at this. However, don't assume your son is doing it to purposefully to make you angry. Sometimes they truly are so intent on what they are doing that they do not process what you say. Other times, they hear you but can not resist the urge to do what they so desperately want to explore. Kids at this age have had a whole new world opened up to them, as they have increased ability and interest in exploring. When you address your child, make sure he is looking at you 1st. For example, if he is playing with the DVD player- gently turn him to face you, tell him to look at you (gently cup his face with your hands if you need to), and tell him "stop" or "no." Keep it short and simple, as a child this age will get lost in a lot of language. After you have his attention, then you can tell him "The DVD is not a toy, you may play with one of your toys." Follow this up by giving him a choice of 2 things to play with if needed. It also helps to be preventative if you can. I can not put my DVD player out of reach due to how it plugs in to everything. I was able to purchase a DVD guard for a few bucks. My kids were still curious, but it slowed them down and took away some of the interest as they could not easily reach the buttons. The guard recently broke, but they rarely bother the player now. Just remember, everyone gets frustrated or has their bad days, your child included. I know it is even more difficult with an absentee husband (mine travels for work a lot). Good luck.

Answer 5

It's called the "terrible two's" he's testing his boundaries..be firm and consistent but not angry. He's a normal child I would bet, just pushing his limits. All children are different and show their colors at different ages.

My 17 yr old son was a horror (nobody wanted to be around him, even his grandmother, you know that';s bad) until he was 14 now he has a 4.0 as a senior in high school. My 20 yr old everybody loved, he was perfect until he turned 14 now he's giving me problems. I love them both, having children is the most stressful thing in the world I think but also the greatest gift and privilege.

It also sounds like you're relationship is having problems if you're asking if spanking can be held against you, children pick up on that kind of stress too. Be tolerant. Always remember "This to shall pass"

Answer 6

Your child needs discipline. My parents spanked me, and I plan to use negative reinforcement with my children also. As long as you don't overdo it and are consistent, it is a good tool to enforce discipline.

The other thing is that your child needs to have consistent rules and needs to have those rules enforced. You need to find a way to make sure that your word is law around the house. My parents used spanking and taught us that our actions had consequences.

I see many parents who's' children don't pay attention, and most of the time I see those parents also use words five or six or seven times and then take physical action, and then overdo the physical action - grabbing the kid's arm, yank him up and paddle him hard. For me, it was one or two chances to stop and then you got one or two quick swats. They weren't hard enough to hurt for more than a couple of minutes, it was the startlement and the sting that made the point.

The other thing is to reinforce good behavior. Give him a reason to stop, give him a reason to listen to you. Reward good behavior, punish bad, and be consistent about both.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

Answer 7

maybe try instead of black maling him punish him if he does not listen put him in his room and leave him there for a half an hour or longer if that does not work then spank him but obviously not too hard. Your husband could not obtain custody solely on you spanking him. You are not a bad mother in the least bit but just rememer you are the mother and you are in charge so do not let your child be in charge he actually craves displine and until you give it he will constantly push his boundries

Answer 8

he is only 21 months and he is coming up to the terrible two's and then on to the rotten three's. Your son is just being a normal toddler but yes it can be very frustrating for you.Try using 1 2 3 magic (count up to 3 and if he has not stopped doing what you asked him to stop then put him on time out by the time you get to 3) or you could try time out chair,corner,room (whatever works for you) and you can also try taking away his toys,TV time,play time for 1-2 Min's for every year of his age. try these and if these don't help feel free to contact me at anytime as i am a mother to 4 children and i have gone through this many many times at [e-mail]
Good Luck and remember to always take a few minutes for yourself too

Answer 9

Children that age have difficulty differentiating between "Do something" and "Do not " do something... If you say "Jason." Do not touch the DVD player..." all Jason hears is "touch the dvd player...so it may seem as though he is not listening to you.

To get his attention - either remove any stimulus - turn down the t.v....or remove the child from a busy room and ask him if he can hear you and if he can understand you...when he looks you in the eye and answers yes to both questions - HURRY _ you won't have his attention long. (just joking)

The reason he understands "do you want a cookie...etc" is because you are fulfilling a basic need - hunger - babies understand fulfilling their basic needs - they do not understand not coloring on the furniture. To them they are beautifying it.

Good luck, take a deep breath - and if he starts whining or crying, tell him that he is not allowed to behave like that infront of you - if he wants to, he may go to his room but he cannot do it in yours - it has worked wonders for me.

Answer 10

There are many different opinions about discipline. Having no kids myself but babysitting a few. Different children need different types of discipline. Sometimes the time out thing works and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes a good old fashioned spanking works and sometimes it doesn't. It depends on the child and what they react to. I guess you should try all of the methods and see what works best.